Page 175 of Ink Deep Devotion

“I loved someone once. I watched the man I loved manipulate me to sleep with others. I watched as he forced me to give something, only I could give, to people who didn’t deserve it. Piece by piece of me, he gave away. I watched as he molded my sister and me and turned us into toys. I watched the man I love kill my sister’s mind, but even after that, I still loved him. Then I watched him fall for another.” She shakes her head; all the color drains from her eyes.“I still loved him then. Even as he held her, his eyes were full of love.”

She laughs bitterly.“A part of me still loves him now.” She looks me in the eye, stilling my movements. Her pain is so tangible it collides with my next swallow, sickening my belly with grief.“I’m going to take everything from him.”

“I thought you wanted to take down The Rites of Passage?”

“HeisThe Rites of Passage!” she screams, then hesitates, shocked that her composure has slipped.“I do want to take them down.”

Reaching up, she smoothes her hair.“That society is his life, his mistress, his god. He sees no separation. He’s a part of them. I will take it all from him. First came the council he swore to protect, next I’ll kill the rulers.”

She means Titan! But killing him is like throwing a lit match back into the box. All the kings will fight to the death to avenge him.

“Without a ruler, The Rites of Passage would become blind, but even deformed,hewould still try to defend them. So, I will take the person he loves and watch him fight to the death without a heart, just like I am. I intend to even the battleground as I watch The Rites of Passage burn. Then, when he has nothing left, I will take his life.”

You’re insane.“Who is he?”

“You don’t need to know that. Will you help me or not?”

I need to know more. She’s not told me much. Sure, I know there is a massive threat, but there is always a threat against the Kings and the Rites of Passage.

I need to…join her.

“I’ll help you, but I have a condition.”

Her eyes narrow.“You didn’t ask what I need you to do yet.”

I shrug.“It won’t matter. If it means I will be able to step outside and inhale without stress gripping my lungs.” I reach up and touch my heart, trying to sell myself to this mad woman.“I want…” a tear even slips free; her eyes feel like the stage lights, and I’m just a ballerina performing again.“I want to live and be free, and I don’t know how because I do still love him, but that was never enough. He,” I shake my head,“He always chose his family over me.”

“They always do.”

She’s eating this up.

“What’s your condition?”

I need to compliment her. I wipe my tears away and grind my jaw. I allow my backpack to slip off my shoulders and down my chest as it thuds against the floor. There, I’m exposing my heart to her.“I want to be like you.”

She blinks.

“I want to be strong. I don’t want to be a pawn. I want to be the one that moves the pieces.”

Did I go too far?

She stands and walks to the cabinet, then opens it. Is there a gun inside, a bullet with my name on it?

She comes back with a tube of paint.“Give me your hand.”

I do.

She uncoils my fingers and twists off the cap. The scent of oil fills my nose as she slowly squeezes out the paint on my fingers. First, a gush of oil drips down my fingers, followed by crimson-red oil paint. She closes my fingers, spreads the paint, and then opens them again.

“Look at it.” She persists.

Just do as she says.I look down at my fingers covered in red.

“Can you live like this?” Blood on my hands.

“You want me to teach you how to be a player and no longer a pawn, Mila?” My shoulder jerks from the hopeful pride on the tip of her tongue.“I can, but it will be messy. You will have to pick and choose.”

“What if I can’t?” I wiggle my fingers, smearing the paint. I’ve avoided this all my life, but in the end, there was always a mess surrounding my feet. Others killed for me. It’s time I do it myself.

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