Page 124 of Ink Deep Devotion

This is his nature. I can’t change the beast; he always slinks back to his environment.

The roars of the crowd sync with my beating heart and now-shattering dream. Dash is winning. Again. I tried to trick him, manipulate our fucked up love into something that could last forever, something I could bear.

I can’t bear this.

Dash’s muscles flex, and sweat glistens like morning dew drops all over his skin. He looks magnificent, like a lion in the wild, but then I watch that mighty creature rip into his prey, bloodying his golden fur and staining his teeth. The fantasy fades into a tragedy.

Dash’s opponent’s head snaps to the side, eyes roll back, but somehow, he remains standing. He looks more like a dead body swaying on a rope. Dash isn’t going to stop.“Oh, my god!” I cry as my hands grab onto the metal cage blocking me. It shakes and rattles my bones in a violent current as all the other men who are hungry for blood shake the fencing.

Dash’s muscles flex like a Cheshire cat, grinning at the victory that is his. I have never seen him like this: flesh, scars, sweat, blood, dead eyes fighting with no purpose. He’s not killing to save me or himself. The Cleansing was different; we were teens, and he was forced to do it.

I always told myself he was forced. Compelled to push me away publically because he wanted to keep me safe, ordered to be a killer to keep his families company at the top.

I think it’s a lie swaying in the wind like the cape of a superhero—blinding me while concealing the hero’s true intentions. After all, heroes kill too. Deep down, they’re more like villains than we want to believe. They just hide behind their costumes, tricking us into thinking their actions are justified to save us. But he’s a liar who craves flesh and blood. He wasn't forced; he was persuaded and did so willingly.

“Dash!” I call out his name, but the greedy roars steal my words, ensuring they never reach his ears.

I still love him, even in this beastly form. I will always be the girl who loves monsters, who tries to save them and rehabilitate them. I’ll endure the cuts and claw marks they leave on my heart.

I see my future as a pattern that I don’t like.

I would change for him, but he would not change for me. I would give up everything for him. I did! I had a ticket to freedom, and I chose him when we were in high school.

His opponent drops with a loud thump, and then he’s dragged away, but it doesn’t end. Another man enters the ring, and Dash starts again.

This is bloodlust.“Dash! Stop!” I scream with all my might.

His lifeless eyes snap to me with a sharp bite; the air thickens with a metallic sour scent. Screams and shoves shake us, but our eyes remain chained to one another. He's tracking my falling tears, and mine track the blood that drips from his small cuts.

The man next to me almost topples me. Dash snaps and rushes toward the door, but it’s too late. It’s not that I saw his true nature—it’s that he embraced it and thrived in its haze.

Why couldn’t he love me as publically as he fought?

I turn and run through the crowd. I know he will catch me. Once again, I’m running without a plan. But one day, I will have a plan, and I will escape my fate.

I'm ready to turn my back on my heart in order to save my mind.

???

The car thunders, rubber burns as we speed away, leaving Nova and Titan behind. I glance over my shoulder, watching Titan push Nova inside his waiting car.

I ran right into an alley where drunken men were waiting. If it wasn’t for Nova, who chased after me and then fought off the men before Dash arrived, things could be different. They could have…no, I don’t think that.

“Are you okay?” Damian asks as he merges the car onto the highway towards Empire University.

“He’s talking to you!” Dash snaps as he holds tight to the seat in front of him as if he doesn't trust his own hands to roam free.

“No.” I fail to swallow. My throat is too thick.

“Why?” I whisper to Dash. Damian’s swift lane change makes Dash slide back further from me in the seat.

“I could ask you the same.”

I lean against the window and close my eyes. I don’t feel my heart beating anymore. I’m back to feeling numb.“It wasn’t Nova’s fault.”

“So she wasn’t the one who dragged you to the club!” Dash’s rage is so thick it stifles the SUV.

“I walked beside her on my own two feet.” I open my eyes and look at him. His gaze scares me for the first time. He knows it.

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