Page 122 of Ink Deep Devotion

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I dismiss the entire staff. No one needs to be here to see what was coming. I enter my father’s office and walk to the far window. Outside, I know my brothers were waiting for me, watching in case I decide to light a match that would set the world ablaze.

They all came, not for Dad, but for me. Every single one, even Anders. They’re all here making sure I don’t destroy myself in my rage.

Pivoting, I inhale the scent of old books, aged wood, and lingering cedar from the fireplace. How many times have I entered this office in fear? So many, that dread became too hard to acknowledge until now.

My father is dead. So easily, a king was toppled.

How will I keep Mila, my cousins, and everyone else I care about safe?

I round the desk, grab his chair, and look down at it. I don’t know if I should be grateful there was no time for a final goodbye or not.

My uncles tried to trace the bullet, but all we found out was that the bullet had a name etched in it. Not my father’s, but my uncle Lucas. The bullet was meant for him, but that feels like a lie, too. Dad smiled at me and grinned like he was proud, like he was taking a mental snapshot. He walked into that dinner, sensing it would be his last.

I know it.

I think my uncles do, too; that’s why they told me to back off and let them handle it. They don’t want me to dig and find out the truth. I begin to open his desk drawer by drawer, finding no clues until I remember the hidden drawer. Dad always used to hide gifts for Mom in here. A tug of the wooden latch has the secret compartment dropping down, and there it is. A single letter is tucked inside with my name written on it.

“You bastard.” You wouldn’t write a letter if you didn’t know your clock was ending.

My son, it’s hard for me to write this. To be honest, I need to cut down every tree to have enough paper to apologize to you.

I’m not supposed to leave this behind, but it's the only way I can allow them to take my soul. If they knew, they would retaliate; maybe they already know, and I will be mourning the fact that you joined your mother and me far too soon.

There is so much to explain, so much to do, and never enough time. Time is so cruel and valuable; like love, you crave more of it yet shun what it does to you, how it ages you, turns you older and perceptive, and strips you bare as it caresses you.

I have kept a lot about your mother and me a secret.

No, I can’t tell you now.

I do need to tell you that I don’t want you to mourn me. I’ve waited for this day, pleaded for it, for the suffering to stop. Life without your mother has been like treading thrashing waters; someday, I swallow too much and choke; other days, I fight to stay alive, to watch you grow.

I wish I could have raised you differently. It’s my biggest regret yet proudest moment. I needed to know you could survive.

You can.

Even when you feel surrounded, you now have the tools and friends to keep you breathing.

I can die peacefully knowing that.

I’m sorry, I was never the man who got to teach you how to kick a ball, who stood on the sidelines and cheered along with the crowd as you scored. But I need you to know that I was there all along, watching and cheering, crying as I knew you suffered to learn the skills they forced upon you.

I know you sensed something amiss. Someone is controlling us, but one day, you will get the chance to lessen their grip.

Don’t fight them; please tell Titan not to either. Everything will rest on Titan’s shoulders, but he will need you and Damian to keep his legs steady. A King can’t rule alone. He needs generals, so to speak.

You’ll be a shining one. A deadly one. That makes me proud.

My time here is almost done. It was conspired out years ago, and life has just been a plot in which I knew every step.

This doesn’t make sense, but it will. The time is coming when the Kings will be tested, and although you won’t have to bear the burden of the final test, that’s Titan’s job, I can die knowing you will survive.

Dying is my final test, and I welcome it.

I know you love Mila. I’m sorry I allowed your mother to teach you how to love. I always had a hard time telling yourmother no. Maybe it’s for the best; having love will keep you and your cousins stronger than even your uncles and I were.

Love her, Dash, love them, and die knowing you loved and had something your enemies didn’t.

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