Page 121 of As The Shifter World Turns

“Yeah,” he nodded.

The hesitation in his voice had me wanting to reach out and stroke his cheek. My wolf was pushing me to but he expected us to mate. Ryder was the one for me, but as I watched Toby and Patch playing, I was hit with the realization that we couldn’t be together.

Kellan would always be in his life in one way or another and while I’d reached the conclusion that the whole “Ryder is my baby daddy” issue was a lie, because that was Kellan’s MO, it had almost broken me. And it’d turned the Sunshine Manor family against Ryder. I had to put that right.

But I wanted to be whole. There was only one way to achieve that. And it would bring me even more pain but at the end, there’d be freedom.

“I love you, Ivor.”

Don’t say that.My eyes swam with tears and I bent down and undid one shoe lace and tied it again. “No.”

He moved closer to the bench, the heat coming off him drifting over my body. His voice had an edge to it as he said, “I can’t tell you how to feel, Ivor, but that is my truth.” And now there was a light tremor as he spoke. “With all my heart, I love you.”

If I wasn’t broken before, I was now, especially with the news I had to present him with. “I know you do and I love you too.” I hadn’t intended saying it but it was the truth. Best to be honest to him and to myself. But now I’d said it, the words were on the breeze and I blinked away the tears and said a silent goodbye to them.

“Then we can go back to the way we were, before you know, the shit hit the fan.”

To say what I was going to say had to be done with me looking at Ryder. It would be cowardly not to. So I got to my feet and came around the other side of the bench. I rested my butt on the back. “No. Love isn’t enough.”

“Come on, that’s BS,” he interrupted.

I held up my hand. “It’s my turn to speak.” He nodded. “Sure, we could mate, but the next time there’s a crisis in Kellan’s life, he’ll be on the phone begging you to help and you would. Because you’re a good guy and you feel you owe him something. And what’s the next big lie he’s going to fling at us? Huh? That you never loved me? That you’re leaving me for him? Do you expect me to shrug it off with ‘Oh, that’sKellan doing his thing again.’”

I took a breath and checked on Toby, though I could hear his squeals and Patch barking. “I know this is going to hurt you,” I explained as tears streamed over my cheeks and I forced myself to look at Ryder. His face crumpled as I spoke and it took all my strength not to wrap my arms around him and say, “Let’s go home.”

“But we can’t be together. Life is stressful enough without dealing with Kellan and his crap. I wish you the best, Ryder and we’ll see one another all the time, but this is goodbye.”

Listening to his sobs was causing my heart to splinter into a million pieces.

“Ivor, Patch is thirsty and I forgot to bring any water.” Toby came up behind me.

“Let’s get him home. Bye, Ryder,” I said, mainly for Toby’s benefit.

The boy took my hand as we walked back and I was grateful because I was blinded by tears. “Don’t be sad, Ivor.”

I squeezed his hand. “I’ll try not to be.”

46

INVOKING THE BAN-HAMMER…MAYBE

Ryder

Work sucked. I really needed more help. No. I needed Ivor, but that wasn’t going to happen. Not in this lifetime.

I walked up to the door of my apartment glad my work day was over and put the key in the lock. I gave it a turn, the door knob not clicking the way it usually did. “Huh.” I fiddled with it and got it open, walking inside.

Something was off. The scent was just… not right. It wasn’t overly potent, more like a subtle undertone, but it was definitely off.

I texted Daire.Was there any maintenance done on the apartments today?

It would make sense if that were the case. Things would’ve scented off if someone was in the place to check fire detectors or leaking valves or whatnot.

Not today.He responded almost immediately.Why?

Just thought I remembered something about it,I lied. The last thing he needed was to see me acting all paranoid. Even if it was the case.

I shut and locked the door behind me and checked every closet. I’d seen enough horror movies and unsolved mysteries to want to get those bases covered. I even checked the shower. Just because.

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