At least tonight, there were extra happy distractions. Archer, Micah, Elune and Patch came and there was nothing that could bring brightness and sunshine to our gatherings quite like Elune.

She was feeling better, her first tooth cut through. Micah was excited about it, showing it off to anyone who would listen. Archer had a slightly different perspective, his beautiful girl accidentally biting his poor nipple more than once.

And Patch? Patch was everyone’s cuddle muffin. He made sure to visit everyone and let themknow he adored them.

“Feels like a storm is brewing,” Martin said as he and Toby came over, Toby going straight to Patch, laughing as he got all the doggie kisses.

“It does,” Neil slid over offering a spot next to himself. “The weather maps say it’s a fifty-fifty chance it stays north of us, but the air is thick.”

And that riveting conversation was a spot on example of pretty much most of our conversation. Nothing too personal. Nothing too important.

“Let’s order pizza to go with the burgers.” Daire interrupted a riveting conversation about our new mail person who showed up a half hour later than the old one. “Anyone in?”

“Daddy, please?” Toby looked up from where he was hanging out with Patch, Patch not liking losing the attention and hitting Toby’s hand with his head in an attempt to get the boy back petting him. “Cheese.”

“Pizza sounds great,” Martin said. “I think Sal’s is doing BOGO party-size this weekend as part of their twentieth anniversary celebration.”

“I like Sal’s,” Ivor said. It was the first time I’d heard him speak since I arrived.

It would be worse if Seb was here. He seemed to have gotten the message that his relationship with Kellan made it awkward for some of us to be around him. Of course, for me, it was the black eye he gave me that added that extra special flair of yuck.

“I got the pizza tonight.” I took out my wallet, handing Daire my card. “You got it last time.”

He got it most of the time and I think he sort of liked it that way, but my stag was pounding at me to provide—provide for Ivor, so there my card went. Thankfully, Daire took it without questioning. The last thing I wanted to do was explain myself and I was a shit liar. Or to hear Ivor tell it, I was a master at it. And while I couldn’t blame him for feeling that way, I hated it.

“Pizza will be here in ten.” He handed me back the card. “I’m going to the corner to get some ginger ale. Anyone want anything?”

I wasn’t sure why Sal’s didn’t have any, but I was more than willing to be a tagalong. I wanted to be with everyone, but I could use the break. These forced conversations were wearing and I couldn’t help but feel like everyone blamed me for them. I sure did.

I hated that I let Kellan be in my life for so long. Had I cut him loose the first time he had a dick in him that wasn’t me, none of this would be happening now. But no, I had to let my dick convince me it was love and once I got that notion, I refused to let it go. I was such a dumb ass.

“Can I come with?” I asked

“Yeah, okay.” Daire didn’t sound overly pleased. I wasn’t letting that thwart my escape plan. I’d go to the market, grab a soda or something, and center myself before I returned. Maybe I’d be lucky and witness something exciting and then at least Daire and I would have a story to tell when we got back.

We took everyone’s orders and headed to the store.

“Thanks for letting me come.” I really needed to get out of there and whileI knew I wasn’t Daire’s favorite person right now, he still just accepted my company without question. Even though I knew Ivor had soothed it over with my friends, saying Kellan was a big-ass liar, they were still wary around me sometimes.

“It’s a free country,” he snapped and then let out a sigh. “That was rude. Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I probably shouldn’t have come, but it’s so lonely. I lost the man I loved as well as my friends. It was so much at once and I wanted to fix it and make it better, but everything I do makes it worse.” We reached the store and I opened the door for him.

“I wish you didn’t sleep with Kellan,” he stated.

“That’s the thing… I didn’t.”

“No, I mean ever. Then he wouldn’t have been in our lives.”

Someone came up behind us and we went inside, gathered what everyone wanted, walked home, and didn’t speak at all.

Somehow I managed to make things more awkward between Daire and me.

“I’ll wait down here for the pizza.” I handed him my bag. “I’ll be up when it arrives.”

He just nodded and went on in. I was hoping for some time to recover from the mess I made of my walk which was supposed to be a way of decompressing. The pizza guy came in three minutes.

It was a lot harder to get the pizzas up to the roof than I anticipated. Party size was no joke, the pies needing to be tilted slightly to get through door frames.