Page 106 of The Escape Plan

Ezra’s still staring at me like I’ve metamorphosed into the literal swamp monster. “Did you and I read the same letter?”

“I believe so.”

“Because whatIgot from that was that Noeleen was scared she wouldn’t be enough for Gramps. That he’d regret his choice if he stayed with her.” Ezra grimaces at me.

My heart picks up speed as his words hit shockingly close to home. “I didn’t think of it that way…”

“Because you were so focused on her leaving.”

“I guess.” My heart is truly pounding now.

Ezra pauses. “Maybe that drew your attention because of a certain someone else who’s leaving later today…”

It’s my turn to grimace.

“What happened with you and Becks, Keels?” Ez asks as he studies my face.

“Sometimes, love’s meant to be temporary.” I say aloud the spiel I’ve been repeating in my head all night. Swallow thickly before I continue. “And while it might not have been meant to be between Gramps and Noeleen, it all worked out for everyone in the end. And things will work out for me and Becks, too. We’ll each go back to our separate lives, and this hurt will be a happy memory one day.”

“Okay, that’s one take.” Ezra gives his head a shake, looking a little baffled. “But sometimes it’s meant tobe, period. Forget all the circumstances surrounding it. Look at Mae and me. When I met her, I had no idea it would lead to her being my wife and the mother of my child. I was on vacation in Seoul, for goodness sakes, I wasn’t searching for a wife. But there she was. And because it was meant to be, we worked to get ourselves to where we are today. We knew we were meant to be together, against all odds.”

“But how did you know that? How did you know she’d love you and never leave?”

He stares at me for a minute, and a flicker shoots through his eyes that I’ve never seen before. He looks… pained.

“Jeez, Keels. When you said earlier that you and Beckett were over, I thought it had to do with you and Andrew breaking up so recently and you being gun-shy to jump into a new relationship, especially one with complications given where you both live. But this is about Mom, isn’t it?”

I don’t answer his question directly. Instead, I say, “Beckett told me he was thinking about staying here. But if hedidstay, he would eventually leave. Just like Mom. Just like Noeleen. Hell, even Andrew left and he’sfromhere. Lives in the same building as me.”

There it is. My darkest shame:I’m fundamentally leaveable.

“Stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“Wallowing like that,” Ezra says. Firmly. “Andrew didn’t leave you, and you know it. You guys grew apart because you weren’t meant to be together. You had no future together. And Mom… well, you can’t let the past dictate the future. Mom did a terrible thing when she left us. But she made her choice, and now, she has to live with the consequences.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she doesn’t have me, or you, or Mae, or Everett in her life. And man, is she ever missing out by not having Everett around.”

“Big time,” I agree as Ezra’s words sink in.

“Keels,” he says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. “Mom made a bad choice. And Noeleen made a choice, too. And sure, it worked out in the end for everyone, but it didn’t have to work out that way. Fate brought her and our Gramps together for a time, or whatever it was she said in the letter. But to make it work past that, they both had to choose each other.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Simple. But not easy,” he corrects. “It sounds to me like Noeleen didn’t let herself choose Gramps in case the circumstances around their relationship ended up crushing it. And it sounds like Gramps was too proud to go after her when she took that worst-case scenario and ran with it.”

Don’t let your circumstances dictate your heart.

I stare at Ezra as he continues, “If Beckett is telling you that he’s choosing you, you have the option to choose him back, instead of just leaving him before he can leave you. Because if you live your whole life that way, sure you might have a bunch of happy memories at the end of it… but you’ll be remembering them alone. Like Mom. It’s not about leaving or not leaving, it’s about running away or else choosing to stay and fight for what—who—you love.”

His words sting like a slap to the face.

I’m a total hypocrite.

I’ve let my circumstances dictate my heart in every way, putting up protective barriers to try and control the narrative. I’ve tried to shape my situation so I don’t get hurt again.

---