Page 23 of Cross-Checked

“Just like being GM doesn’t mean AJ has to babysit your daughter,” Walsh says, his disappointed dad tone ringing out in his voice. “And yet she did, because it’s what was best for theteam. Leadership requires sacrifice, my friend. It means that you put the good of the whole above any personal feelings you might have.”

“I fucking know that,” I say with a bite. But even as the words leave my mouth, I know that I didn’t act that way tonight. I let my history with AJ get in the way of doing what the team needed me to do. Maybe I wanted to piss her off, or maybe I’m subconsciously trying to make sure she doesn’t renew my contract—I don’t even know. What Idoknow is that I don’t think clearly when she’s around.

“Do you, though?” Colt asks.

“I assume you’re not coming out to celebrate AJ’s nomination tonight?” Walsh asks as my head snaps toward Colt. I’m sure he’s trying to interrupt what could easily turn into an argument.

Fuck, why am I fighting with everyone these days?This isn’t who I am. These are my teammates. They’re practically brothers to me. I need to unstress my fucking life so I’m not always so agitated.

“No. Not only do I have to take Abby home,” I say as I see Lauren at the end of the hallway wheeling the stroller toward me. “But I highly doubt AJ would want me there anyway.”

“Probably not tonight,” Walsh agrees.

Pissing her off felt good in the moment, but it feels childish now.Damn, this woman turns me into a fool.

Chapter Eleven

AJ

When I get to my car after that disaster of a game and an even worse press conference, I’m still fuming.

The parking lot is mostly full, as the majority of players left their cars here when they headed out to the Neon Cactus, the unofficial bar of the Boston Rebels that’s walking distance from Liberty Arena where we play our home games. I’ve never set foot in that bar, or gone out with the players after a game.

Walsh’s wife, Marissa, has planned a little celebration tonight to honor my award nomination. I know it would be an asshole move if I didn’t show up. And as hard as I’m trying, I cannot seem to muster the emotional energy to care.

I lean against the driver’s side door of my car and pull out my phone. I need to make my apologies to Marissa, and also let Lauren know I’m canceling since Jameson was going to head home to the twins while she came out with me. She’ll probably decide to go home with him if I’m not going out tonight.

AJ

Hey, so sorry to do this, but I’m not going to be able to make it tonight. I’m exhausted and just don’t feel up to it.

I’ve no sooner hit send on the text to Lauren than she walks out the side door. “Hey, there you are! You ready to go?” Her voice is so light and full of excitement.

“Uh, I just sent you a text, actually. I think I need to cancel. I just don’t have the energy to go out.”

She crosses her arms and raises one of her auburn eyebrows. In the yellow haze of the flood lamps that bathe this parking lot in light, her dark red hair glows a fiery orange. “Bullshit.”

“No really, I’m exhausted.”

“Are you sure you’re not just headed home because you’re pissed we lost the game and that McCabe didn’t do what you asked him to?”

“I mean”—my sigh is so large it feels like it deflates me—“that’s part of it, for sure. And I think all the travel is catching up to me.”

I don’t mention that one reason I’m exhausted is because I flew down to Carolina for Game 3, then flew back to Boston for Lauren’s bridal shower, before returning to Carolina the same day, because I don’t want her to feel bad. Or how that was compounded by my lack of sleep on the plane after Game 4, when I found out McCabe is my neighbor.

Lauren’s one of my closest friends, but I like to keep my personal life...personal.

“Well, given how excited Marissa is about getting everyone together, and that Audrey and Jules are coming out specifically to celebrate you, I think you need to show up for at least one drink. Plus, Jameson left a while ago to relieve Morgan, whowas babysitting for us, and she’s going to stop by too. I think Jules said you wanted to talk to her about some social media consulting for the team?”

My god, those four really do talk about everything. Is that what it’s like to have sisters, and sisters-in-law, and cousins? The longing for close female relationships like that hits me unexpectedly hard, like a sucker punch that has my stomach clenching in anticipation of something I’ve always wanted but never experienced.

“Fine, but just for one drink. Otherwise, I’ll probably fall asleep at the bar.” I’m not joking. The physical toll of carrying Abby for hours, combined with the emotional toll of watching McCabe self-destruct at the press conference like that, has me just wanting to crash into bed. Thanks to my messed-up hormones, my body’s response to acute stress like I experienced tonight is almost always an exhaustion phase where I feel steamrolled by fatigue for a day or two.

We head over to the Neon Cactus, and I’m thankful it’s only a few blocks away and that Lauren’s yapping for the entire walk. My feet feel like lead and my eyes feel like if I closed them it’d be impossible to reopen them for at least eight hours. Everyone’s already there when we arrive, and I’m just thankful that McCabe doesn’t have childcare tonight, so I don’t have to worry about him showing up.

After saying our hellos to the team, Lauren and I head to the bar to grab a drink, and I take a moment to look around. Neon Cactus is known for its variety of tequila, and I’ve heard you can get a hundred-dollar margarita here, but it looks like we walked into a dive bar. The walls are lacquered wood panels, with a variety of neon and metal signs covering most of the surfaces. There are Christmas lights strung up around the top of the bar like someone put them up years ago and never took them down.In the very back, there are pool tables, but the rest of the bar is full of pub tables with booths around the perimeter.

Walsh shows up next to us as we wait for the bartender to deliver our order. “Hey, boss,” he says. “Just wanted to say how happy I am for you about this nomination, and how sorry I am that our captain was such a dick tonight. I’ll talk to him.”

---