Page 35 of Broken Player

"Because it wasn't the right time," I answered, not knowing what else to say. I wanted to jump into his arms and confesseverything. I wanted to tell him he was the only man I'd ever loved, that I saved myself and waited for him for years. That there would never be anyone else for me but him. But I couldn't. My parents' future depended on it, and I wouldn't let them down, even if it killed me.

"You can't marry someone else, Ryan. You know it's always been you and me," he whispered, his lips almost touching mine. We were so close we were breathing each other in, and I closed my eyes. I lifted up onto my toes at the same time he lowered his head, and then we were kissing with an explosion of years of hurt and want, regret and need. Our mouths moved together in the kind of kiss that's life-changing, world-tilting, and hot as hell. He kissed me like he knew he owned my soul, and like he wanted to know every inch of my body. He pressed me into the rough wall behind us, one hand on my hip and the other tangled in my hair.

This was the kiss I'd waited more than half my life for, and my toes curled as I melted against his muscular body.

Our tongues danced together, his taste familiar and comforting. Having him close snapped into place something I'd been missing since the first time we kissed, and warmth exploded in every corner of my body as I feltcomplete. My fingers sunk into his hair, and I pulled him even closer. He pressed his hips against my stomach, showing me just how much he wanted me. Moaning, I pushed myself against him, needing more. I'd been waiting my entire life for this kiss, and I never wanted it to end. But instead of getting closer, Maddox growled and tore himself off of me. Both of us were breathing heavily, and his hair was disheveled from my fingers running through it.

He blew out a breath and ran his hand down his face. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry," he said, and my heart sank. "You're engaged, and I won't be the other man." He turned, and I watched him walk away even more confused than I was before.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” Connor asked me and I bristled. Last night, I stormed back into the bar and demanded we leave. I knew I was being a dick, but I didn’t even wait to make sure Ryan got back inside safely. I couldn’t face her after what I did. I told myself I’d be better, that I would show her that I deserved her and respected her, and I blew that all away with one kiss.

One perfect, life changing, hot as fuck kiss that I was still replaying in my mind over and over.

“Leave it alone, Connor,” I warned.

He folded his massive arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes, not at all intimidated by me and less than impressed at my slamming cupboards open and closed looking for some goddamn food.

“You need to calm the fuck down,” he stated as if that were the simplest thing in the world to do. Gritting my teeth, I inhaled deeply trying to exhale all of my self-loathing and demons in one giant breath. It didn’t work. Just as I was about to tell Connor to fuck off for at least the tenth time this morning, there was a knock at the door.

Shoulder checking Connor as I walked by him towards the front door wasn’t as satisfying as I thought it’d be considering I barely even moved him, but at least I got out a little bit of my irritation. I pulled open the front door to a smiling Shannon holding a basket. “Hey, Maddox. I figured you and your friendswere starving in that house. Your dad has never been one for taking care of himself or you, so here,” she said, the words pouring out of her as she thrust the basket into my arms.

I looked down, peeling back the cloth covering the still-warm muffins piled inside. Smiling my first real smile of the day, I stepped forward and hugged her gratefully as my stomach growled. “Thank you so much for this, Shannon. You were right, we’ve been wasting away.”

She laughed. “So I hear. Well, I won’t keep you but don’t be a stranger. Our house is always open to you, you know that.”

I did know that, but it wasn’t that simple. Especially after last night. Still, I always appreciated what a goddamn saint Ryan’s mom was. “You still make your famous pot roast on Sunday nights?” I asked.

“I do. I think Alex and the kids would riot if I ever stopped,” she joked.

“I might just have to stop by then,” I said, hoping by next Sunday I’d have figured my shit out with Ryan. She was getting married in less than a month and I needed to convince her to give me a chance. And I needed to figure out who the fuck she was marrying. I assumed it was that Quinn guy because he was the one on her social media, but it was clearly not him. The way he eyed Zen last night told me all I needed to know.

So who the fuck had stolen my girl?

Shaking myself out of those thoughts for now, I said another thanks to Shannon before carrying the basket of muffins into the kitchen, swiping a blueberry off the top and shoving it into my mouth. “Thank fuck,” Connor said, snatching his own muffin out of the basket and practically inhaling it. As he reached for another one, I yanked the basket out of his reach. “We’re going out back,” I declared, and spun on my heel, taking the muffins with me.

It was still early and while it was always hot as fuck, it wasn’t stifling just yet. Grabbing the bag and pistol I left on the back patio before I went in search of breakfast, I stuck it in my waistband and lifted the bag, marching toward the open pasture. Connor followed close behind me but was smart and didn’t say anything. I wasn’t in a talking mood right now and he never wanted to talk about heavy shit. That made this morning’s jabbing from him even more fucked up. I must be a disaster if he actually wanted me to talk.

Eventually I’d have to figure out what the hell I was going to do, but first I needed to blow off some steam in the best way I knew how: shoot some shit. I strode right up to the fence, dropping the bag and basket of muffins into the soft green grass. I leaned down and pulled out a couple of cans I found lying around Russell’s house and lined them up, walking along the fence and placing them on every post. Finally, I picked the basket back up and walked back to where Connor stood, several yards back from the fence.

He glanced over at me before reaching out for another muffin and I rolled my eyes as he devoured it. The dude could eat like no one I’d ever met. Once he dusted the crumbs off of his hands, he reached around and pulled out his own pistol, checking the clip and safety. We did this so many times together, we didn’t need to talk. He stepped back and I took aim, squeezing the trigger and feeling the kickback as the can fell off the post in the distance.

For just a few minutes, I forgot all the hard shit and just breathed, focusing on the shot. It was pure fucking relief. I emptied my clip, hitting almost every target I set out before I exhaled and then went to reset for Connor.

Once he finished, we both sank down onto the grass. “This place is actually okay,” Connor said finally and I chuckled. “High praise.”

“You know what I mean,” he growled. “Why are we here? Why didn’t you come home after the first day?”

Plucking a long piece of grass out of the ground, I stuck it between my teeth and sucked on the sweet tip while I gathered my thoughts. “We’re here because I’m finally ready to show Russell that he can’t fuck with me anymore. I’m going to take this place from him,” I disclosed.

Connor sat up straighter. “What do you mean?”

“I mean the one safe place he’s always had, this ranch,” I elaborated, sweeping my arms out wide. “It’s going to be mine because I know what his weakness is and I’m ready to exploit it.”

“Why now?” he asked.

“I was never ready to face this particular demon of mine before. But when Joel called, I didn’t have a choice. Now that I’m here, I want to sever the last hold Russell could ever possibly have on me. I want him to fucking suffer knowing he’s lost every goddamn thing he ever had in his life to his addictions. He’s made his choices, and now I’m making mine.”

Connor looked thoughtful. “What does that look like? You’re not exactly farmer material.”

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