Page 24 of Broken Player

My heart rate picked up until it was slamming against my chest, and my hands were clammy. "Right now? There's no way she'd hear me out after the way I've acted for the past twelve goddamn years. I'm sure she's aware of my well-earned reputation. And I'm too fucked up to drive, and it's too far to walk in the dark," I protested.

Zen and Connor followed us outside, and True stopped short as Zen almost plowed into my back. "What the fuck, True?" Zen asked, and I wasn't sure either one of them had listened to a word of my drunken rambling.

True twisted his nose ring for a second before he clapped his hands. "Horses!"

He grabbed my arm again and yanked me forward as he took off toward the barn. "What the fuck do horses have to do with anything?" I asked, but True ignored me. Zen was practically giggling behind me. I smirked as I glanced over my shoulder, stumbling against the hard-packed dirt ground. Zen had always been a fun drunk. It was why, until I met Connor, he was my favorite wingman.

The smell of musty old hay and just straight up farm animal hit my nostrils as we crossed the threshold into the barn. True dragged me up to the stable where one of Russell's horses was and flung the door open. The horse startled and made a noise that had all of us backing up and away from him. I may have been drunk, but I was in no mood to have my face kicked in by a horse.

True's unfocused gaze landed on me. "Do you remember how to ride one of these things?" he asked, pointing at the horse in front of us.

"It's gotta be like riding a bike, right?" Zen giggled.

I rolled my eyes again and stepped closer to the horse, reaching my hand out in front of me and waiting for him to come to me. He eyed us warily before snorting and slowly stepping toward me, touching his fuzzy nose against my hand. I rubbed his nose a few times before walking into the stall and grabbing the gear to get him ready to ride.

Once I had the horse saddled up, I led him out into the barn. "What am I supposed to say to her?"

"You stop being a fucking coward and tell her the goddamn truth," Connor growled.

I bristled at his harsh words, then quickly deflated. He was right. "Fine, help me up," I said, my words still slurring together. I briefly wondered if tomorrow this would seem like such a good idea, but now I was determined. I felt like if I didn't tell Ryan how I felt, I'd never get another chance. I lost her officially, she agreed to be another man's wife, and it would destroy me to let her go, but maybe there was still a sliver of hope that she'd hear what I had to say.

Maybe she'd been feeling like she was missing her other half all these years like I'd been feeling half of me was missing, too. I was too afraid to hope that she'd actually want to be with me, but maybe I could convince her to stop and consider giving me a chance. I knew I'd have to earn the right to call her mine, especially after how I'd acted. But I was ready to try.

I couldn't believe I'd gotten to this point where I actuallywantedto be with someone more than I wanted my next breath, but here I was. It took the threat of losing her to another man to snap me out of my idiocy.

I grabbed the saddle and tried to lift myself into the seat, falling on my ass on the hard ground instead. The room swayed again, but Connor reached down and pulled me up. Zen was bent over, laughing his ass off, and I glared in his direction. Or at least I think I glared. I couldn't feel a lot of my face, so I wasn't sure. It didn't really matter either way because he wasn't paying attention.

I stuck my foot in the stirrup and grabbed the saddle again, but this time True and Connor both helped me balance and braced me as I hauled myself up with a grunt. I swung my leg over, and when the stallion shifted impatiently, I leaned forward. I grabbed onto his neck to avoid falling, slipping my hands into his coarse hair and grabbing on with both fists.

"I'm going to fall and break my fucking neck," I grumbled into the horse's fur.

"You'll be fine," True assured me, slapping the horse on his haunches and sending us out into the night at a trot. I had my eyes closed, but I knew I had to steer the horse, so I gingerly sat up and grabbed the reins, leading us toward the house that I could only see in the dark night because of its porch light.

The ride felt like it took forever, and I wasn't feeling great by the end of it. I'd be lucky if all the swaying didn't make me throw up as I tried to profess my feelings to the only girl I ever loved, but still, I kept going because goddamnit I had to try. I already waited too long, and True was right. I wasn't waiting any longer.

I pulled back on the reins in Ryan's front yard, hopping down and steadying myself against Hex's side until the ground held mostly still. I took a few deep breaths of the still warm and humid as fuck air. Even at one a.m., the Texas heat was stifling.

I remembered her bedroom from when she was a kid, and I hadn't stopped to consider that she might have moved or that herfiancemight be in there with her. My fists clenched as I thought about another man sharing her bed, worshiping her body. My blood started to boil, and I had to take a few more deep breaths. Fuck, I messed up.

Her window was dark, and I stood off to the side so I wouldn't freak her out when she woke up and saw me standing right outside. When we were kids, I'd always stand off to the side because I never wanted to scare her. I tapped gently on the glass with my knuckle and waited to see if she'd wake up. A few seconds passed, and nothing happened, so I knocked again louder.

I could barely make out movement in the darkness of her room, but then there she was, in a tiny tank top and shorts, her hair messy from sleep staring down at me with wide, tired eyes. She lifted the window and leaned outside, and I couldn't helpmyself. I dropped my eyes to her tits, which were practically spilling out of her top. My cock and I were in agreement: Ryan had grown into a fucking stunning woman with curves in all the right places. I ached to be inside her, but I pushed my hunger aside. Ryan would never be a quick fuck.

Her orange-vanilla scent slammed into me, a familiar warmth wrapped around me as I was transported back to hot summer days spent with cold popsicles and the girl of my dreams. Her scent hadn't changed in the past twelve years, and the nerves I'd been feeling about talking to her instantly calmed down when I breathed her in.

"Maddox?" Her voice was so breathless and husky it immediately made me hard. She sounded sleepy and maybe like she'd been crying. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm so fucking sorry, Ryan," I started.

She sighed. "Are you drunk?"

"Maybe a little but I have so much I need to say to you, I couldn't wait until tomorrow," I said, leaning against the house's side to keep myself upright.

"Come in," she whispered, moving back to let me climb in. I grabbed the window frame and pulled myself up, but I wasn't coordinated enough to get inside on my own. She grabbed my forearms and helped drag me into her room. I collapsed onto the floor with a thud, and she glanced at her door nervously. I hoped her dad didn't come barging in with his shotgun. He liked me when we were kids, but things were different now.

I hurt his little girl, and I had a reputation no dad would want for his daughter.

She shut the window and moved to sit on the edge of her bed, staring down at me with her big, beautiful brown eyes. She was giving me a chance to talk, waiting for me like she always had. I was such an idiot to push her away. Ryan was way too fucking good for me.

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