Page 22 of Broken Player

Calling my driver, I scrolled through social media while I waited for him to pick me up. Ryan hadn’t posted anything new since I saw her yesterday. I looked at the picture of her and her boyfriend at least a dozen times, trying to figure out what she saw in him. Even though I pushed her away, deep down, I still felt like she was mine.

I knew I didn’t deserve her, that I’d never had her, but that didn’t stop the possessive part of my brain from feeling enraged that someone else had taken her from me. I had no one to blame but myself, but thinking in this way wasn’t doing anything to help my already fucked up mood. I’d need to avoid Ryan as long as I was here. When I got home, I’d have to do what I’d done for the past twelve years: bury myself in pussy, alcohol, and music until I forgot anything else existed.

I looked up from my phone just as the black SUV pulled into the short driveway. Hopping inside, I looked out the window as we drove the ten miles into town. Town was a generous word for this place. There was a grocery store, a diner, a motel, a post office, and a bar. There wasn’t even one stoplight. I hated everything about it.

Pulling into the grocery store, I took in the mostly full parking lot with disgust. If this tiny shithole of a town had any decent restaurant fare or meal delivery service, I’d never step foot in this market, throwing myself at the mercy of the local rumor mill. But a man had to eat, so I’d endure it even if it sort of made me want to throat punch everyone who looked my way.

And of course, because I was in a blacked-out SUV with a driver, every goddamn head turned in my direction the minute we pulled into the parking lot. So much for keeping my trip low key. Grinding my teeth, I threw open the door and slid out of the backseat. I checked my pockets quickly to make sure I had everything then slammed the door shut, probably harder than I needed to. I didn’t bring a list with me, but I knew I needed food and I needed coffee so I’d try to get in and get out as fast as I could. I’d keep my head down and try to ignore the stares burning into my back from every direction, too.

Grabbing a basket, I glanced around quickly to get my bearings. It didn’t look like anything had changed about this store since I was a kid, which meant I still knew where everything was. Right after my mom left, Russell made it clear buying food was my responsibility, so once a week, he’d drop me off at the store while he went to the bar down the road and drank for a couple of hours before he’d pick me back up. I spent so much time here, all the cashiers knew me by name, and I had every aisle memorized.

Striding toward aisle five for the coffee, I almost bumped into someone. I tried to step around her, but she moved to stand in my way. “Maddox?” she asked.

I glanced up, pulling off my sunglasses when I took in her familiar dark brown hair, now streaked with more silver than I remembered. “Mrs. Knight, it’s good to see you,” I said, smiling at Ryan’s mom. Itwasgood to see her, and she was one of only a couple of friendly faces I wouldn’t mind bumping into while I was here.

“Wow, haven’t you grown into a handsome man?” she teased. “The pictures don’t do you justice.”

I chuckled. “How’s life, Mrs. K?”

“Please, Maddox. I’ve told you a thousand times to call me Shannon.”

“Sorry, Shannon. It’s been a long time. How have you been?”

“Well, all my girls are healthy, so I really can’t complain too much. I’ve gotta say I’m surprised to see you back here. Is everything alright?” she asked, concern lacing her features.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable with her scrutiny, even if I knew she didn’t mean anything by it. I wasn’t used to opening up about personal shit to anyone. Ever.

“Joel called me about a few issues with the ranch, so I thought I’d come down and help for a couple of weeks.” I tried to be vague because no one could know my plans yet, but I told as much of the truth as possible. I respected Shannon, but more than that, I liked her. She’d always been good to me growing up.

“Oh, well, I bet Ryan will be happy to see you,” she teased, a smile crossing her face.

“Uh, yeah. Maybe. How has she been?” I hadn’t dared ask Ryan herself, but I thought it’d be safer to ask her mom. I was starving for any scrap of information about the woman I’d been obsessed with since I was twelve years old.

Her forehead wrinkled a little before a small smile popped back onto her lips. “Funny you should ask. She sat us down this morning and let us know she’s getting married, and in just a month. Will you still be here? I’m sure she’d love it if you came.”

My heart stuttered and then slammed against my chest as pain ripped through my entire body. I couldn’t have heard her right. Ryan was getting married? I listened to the words, but my brain was having a hard time processing what they meant.

“Maybe,” I managed to mutter, surprised I still had the ability to speak a goddamn word out loud with how it felt like my body was collapsing in on itself. I glanced down at the dark screen of my phone, pretending I got an important message. I looked up at Shannon with what I hoped would pass for anapologetic expression, even though it probably looked more like I was losing my shit.

“I’ve got to go. It was nice to see you, Shannon.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you okay, Maddox? You don’t look very well.”

“I’m fine. Maybe I’ll see you again before I leave.” My head started to spin, and a cold sweat had broken all over my body. I didn’t stay and wait for her response, I had to get out. I spun on my heel, dropped the basket to the ground with a loud bang, and practically sprinted for the exit.

My mind was a mess, I couldn’t catch my breath, and my heart felt like it was being torn out of my chest. The pain was so intense, I stumbled, trying to get out of the store, and my chest heaved with the effort to pull fresh air into my lungs. But nothing helped.

I couldn’t breathe.

How could I have let this happen? I thought letting her go was the right thing to do, but I never considered what I’d do if she actually moved on.

And now she was marrying someone else? No one else would love her like I did. No one else could give her the kind of life I could. She was my best friend. But I threw it all away. I’d never hated myself more. I did this.Me.I had no one to blame for this misery but myself.

My eyes stung. Fuck. Iwould notcry. Especially not in public. I learned when I was a kid to never let anyone know they affected me. I endured bone-cracking beatings that left me battered and bruised and never shed a tear. I watched my mom walk away and leave me behind, and my dad tell me he wished she aborted me and not broken down.

But this? This would wreck me. My heart would never recover. And her mom expected me to actually watch her walkdown the aisle to another man? I’d fucking murder him. I couldn’t do it. There was no goddamn way I could endure it.

Why was the air so thick? My hands were tingling because I couldn’t get enough oxygen. Was I hyperventilating? I had no idea. All I knew was I felt like I was going to pass out. I needed to get the fuck out of here, and I needed a drink.

---