Page 24 of Your Secret to Keep

Brooks and I haven’t talked about it, but I’ll never forget the press conference after he had a horrible game. It was a few games before he tore his ACL, and it was hard to watch. He couldn’t get it going. He ended with one point from a free throw, a bunch of turnovers, and one of the worst stat lines in Jags history. Someone from the press asked about his rumored ex-girlfriend. He cleared his throat, went to say something, but then stood and left instead.

I’ll never understand why people think that, because someone is an athlete, it somehow gives us full insight into their entire life. We’re not privy to that information. Athletes are allowed to be people.

“Yeah, I remember hearing about that. But I don’t want to know any specifics. If he wants to tell me about it, he can.”

“Here’s my advice. Dating someone you work with? Not always a good idea. But this is the gray area. You’re not his coach, a trainer, or a manager. If you think something is there, why run from it?”

The other thing about Shelbie is how solid she is at asking questions. She’s got a knack for helping you figure out exactly what the issue is, or what you’re worried about.

“I’m afraid it’s too big of a risk. I don’t want anyone to look at me differently.”

“First, fuck that. Are you concerned about Brooks’ reputation, or yours because it comes with double standards and expectations?” The question must be rhetorical because she doesn’t lose speed. “Well, I’m not saying hook up under the basketball hoop during practice, but hear me out… I think you know how to be discreet, and I know for a fact he does, based on how little of him I can find online. Really, when I Google his name there’s a lot about some football player who is apparently his half-brother.”

“Zack Andersen.”

Shelbie loudly sets down her cup and rolls her eyes. “I knowthisguy’s name, isn’t that enough? I know Brooks Pittman is number seven and plays for the Jersey Jaguars. He wears purple. If that isn’t worth something, I don’t know what is,” she playfully laments.

I can’t help but belly laugh. She’s right. “You get all the credit. I’m proud of you. Sports knowledge and yoga in the same day? You’re on fire.”

She offers me a half-smile and I know I’ve cracked her hard exterior which is always a little soft for me. “All jokes aside, I think you should do it. But if you don’t, quit torturing yourself and don’t play the what if game. No one’s a winner when we do that.”

Damn it. She’s so right.

“Hey, I have some promo tickets to give away for the Jags. Do you want to go to a game?” I ask, already knowing the answer but wanting to see it for myself.

Shelbie stands from the table and takes a couple steps like she’s going to leave. I grab her arm, laughing. “I’m totally kidding. I’ll never make you come to a game.”

“Yoga is bad enough, Lia.”

It’s amazing how the light of my life is someone like Shelbie. She sits back down and launches into a story about someone who left her a $200 tip the other night.

Joy radiates through my chest from being able to spend time with Shelbie this way. I’ve not realized it until this moment, but I’m excited to slow down on some of the freelance work. I’m keeping a yoga class each week but no shifts at the bar, coffee shop, or bakery until I let them know I’m ready to come back.

I’ve been moving so fast for so long. I can’t remember the last time I had a free night—or better yet, a whole day off. It’s been years of picking up shifts, home improvement DIY projects, and trying to get ahead.

Maybe it’s time to rest. A little.

And maybe I won’t have to spend all my potential free time by myself?

Chapter 15

Brooks

I’mcookingdinner,thinkingof how quiet it is at my new house. It’s not a new build but it’s new to me. With my most recent contract extension, and mental health suggestion from my therapist, I made the decision to buy a house instead of paying rent. I’ve been living here a few months but it still feels weird walking through the rooms, soaking in the space.

The thing about playing a sport for a living is your situation can get awfully tumultuous out of nowhere. You could get traded, lose your starting spot, not get a contract extension, or have a severe injury. Before I put an offer on this place, I had a meeting with the Jags’ head coach, owner, and general manager. I wanted them to look me in the face and tell me their honest intentions. Now they could bullshit me all they wanted, but I had a good feeling about our meeting.

I grew up in a cramped two-bedroom house as an only child. We didn’t have a ton of space, but my mom gave me everything she could. Let me tell you, it was more than enough. I’ve met many people who talk about their childhood as a time they’d like to forget, or they reminisce about struggles I’d never experienced. I may have only had a single parent, but we never went hungry, and we were able to do things like go on vacations and play travel sports, like basketball.

I’ll never forget when the head coach for The University of Alabama men’s basketball team came to my house, with the scout who attended a game the previous week. I was a junior in high school and had beenoffered a full-ride scholarship to play a game I’d been obsessed with for as long as I could remember.

“How much is this going to cost? Like really?” my mom asks, looking for the catch. “We can cover it. I just need to start planning for it.” She looks at Coach, who is sitting across from us in an accent chair in the living room.

“I promise there’s no hidden bill or cost. As long as Brooks remains in good academic standing and displays no conduct detrimental to the team, his tuition and on-campus housing will be 100% covered by this scholarship.”

It’s like it finally hits her. She sniffles and replies, “I already have a college fund for him though,” with tears running down her face as her hand rubs my back.

She looks at me, trails from her tears on her face, and it makes me wipe my own eyes with the back of my hand. It feels like I could possibly get everything I’ve wanted.

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