Page 25 of Anytime I Want

“Awesome. It’s always awesome when I get to see you! Want to come sit with us?” the ringleader asks. I exchange a look with Nathan. He is clearly entertained. And I feel bad because I have no idea what her name is, and she clearly knows me. It seems like she likes me, which is insane. This happens more than I’d like, and the only way I know how to respond is to be nice. Unfortunately, that often translates to flirty in their minds, if their eye batting and shoulder stroking means anything.

“Sounds fun, but I’m going to pass.” I wink at her before putting my arm around Julia, but I feel her tense up. I shift so I can rest my arm on the top of the bench seat without touching her. “Maybe next time,” I say distractedly, trying to figure out what is wrong here. The girls pout a little but I hardly give it a second thought. It’s weird when people invite you to ditch yourgroup to hang out with them. Right in front of the first group. Do people say yes to this? Rude.

“Hey, Jules, check it out!” Josie grabs the tabletop ad and passes it over to Julia. In bright red letters under the pizza place’s logo, it practically shouts KARAOKE NIGHT. “Let’s sing! We could even do a duet. It would be so much fun!”

Nathan snorts. “Yeah, good luck. We’ve been trying to get Jules to sing in public for years, but no dice. Not since the third grade spring concert.” Nathan jerks his head and glares at Chloe. “Ouch! What was that for, Chloe?” I didn’t see what happened, but judging from Nathan reaching under the table, she kicked him. It makes sense. We do not talk about the third grade spring concert.

“Why? What happened?” Josie asks.

“Nothing. That’s the whole problem. That’s also the whole story,” Julia says tersely. “Moving on.”

“Okaaay. But if you don’t ever sing, why were you signing up for the talent show when I met you?” The entire table turns in unison to look at Julia, who is picking at the edge of the table, determined not to meet anyone’s eye. As if we planned it, we start talking at once.

“Really? I’m so happy!” Paige gushes.

“I thought you were pranking Nathan?” Chloe questions.

“I love when you sing! Wait, pranking Nathan? What do you mean?” Nathan says, a worried look on his face.

“Nice!” Josh grins, gesturing for another high five. What is it with those two and high fives?

I reach over and stop her fidgeting. She meets my eye and I smile. “J. This is awesome. Are you really going to sing?” I say quietly, while everyone else is still talking about the talent show.

She takes a deep breath, removes her hand from mine, and plasters on a fake smile. “No, I was pranking Nathan. That’s all.”I can tell she’s lying, but I’m no dummy. This is not the time or the place to push her on it.

“That’s too bad. I’d love to see you sing,” I say, trying my luck and grabbing her hand again. She doesn’t pull away this time, but she won’t look at me, either. I slowly run my thumb over her knuckles. I watch in fascination as goosebumps pop up on her arm, loving that I have that effect on her. She reaches over and rubs them away, a faint blush coloring her cheek. I stroke her knuckles one more time and then reluctantly let go. I need to pace myself. She’s still upset about something, and I’m definitely pushing the limits here.Slow and steady,I remind myself. Right then, our pizzas are delivered. Julia passes out plates to everyone, and we all dig in. Maybe ten minutes later, when all thoughts and conversation of singing, karaoke, and the talent show are gone, I hear Josie quietly apologize for bringing up the singing.

“It’s fine.” Julia waves away her concern, a genuine smile on her face. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was upset about something else and took it out on you. I really should be apologizing to you. I’m sorry I snapped. It was uncool of me.”Man, I really like that girl.I watch her for another few seconds, half in awe of her kindness and half worried that I messed up sometime tonight and I’m not sure when.

***

About an hour later, we leave the pizza place. The girls all group together, talking excitedly about who knows what when Nathan drops his arm over my shoulder.

“Hey, bro. How’re you doing?”

“Pretty good. Two dates down with Julia, and I am making all kinds of headway. I can tell.”Or at least I was.Somethingshifted a little tonight, and while I’d say I’m still doing better than I was before, I have some work to do.

“Great. But what about everything else? How’s school? Did you change your mind? Are you going to go out for sports? It’s not too late for wrestling or baseball.”

“Nah, man. I don’t think so. The coaches don’t actually want me on the team. I’m too much of a goof-off. It just ends with me running laps all of practice. I’ll stick to my FIFA and Gran Turismo.”

“That’s not true. Everyone always wants you around. You are so naturally athletic. Just try it! Let this be a year where you take things seriously, like you are with Julia and her list. Please. Just come to wrestling practice next month. Give it a week or two.”

“I’ll think about it,” I say, shrugging off his arm. “I’m gonna catch up with Julia, offer her a ride home. See you later?” Nathan gives me a nod as I run off.

***

I drop onto my bed, full of pizza and adrenaline from spending time with Julia. I drove her home, gave her a huge hug that was a little tense, and told her I’d bring her a note tomorrow morning. I should’ve asked her to catch the end of the football game tonight, but again, I need to pace myself. I grab a small ball off my bedside table and start tossing it in the air. I need to figure out what to do next for the list. I have to be prepared to make cookies whenever a storm hits. If a storm hits. Some years, it doesn’t rain at all between August and December. It seems mean to simulate a storm when she gets so scared during them. Sometimes I think about that time when we were nine, and a huge monsoon hit when my mom and I were at the Pritchetts' house. My mom made chocolate chip cookies, and we watched a movie because Julia was terrified. It is a great memory.

I tilt my head as I think about that. Number five: bring me chocolate chip cookies in a storm. Is that one about me? Some of the items on the list are from movies and books, but I haven’t figured out this one or the lollipops. I think it’s me. My mind starts racing at the possibilities. I sit up in my bed, for some reason thinking that will help my brain work more efficiently. Does this mean that she’s liked me for as long as I’ve liked her? Did she add specific things to the list because of me? This is great news! But wait, then why is she fighting me so much on this? There’s a soft knock at my door and I glance up, knowing my dad is giving me a courtesy knock before coming in.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hello, son. What are you up to?”

“Thinking. Nothing really. What’s up? Do you need me?”

Dad walks over and sits next to me, my bed creaking under his weight. “Well, I wanted to ask you about wrestling this year. Or something. I would hate to see all your natural talent go to waste.”

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