Page 6 of Anytime I Want

I stare at Graham for a few seconds, my mouth flopping open like a fish. I try to formulate my thoughts, explain why I can’t say yes, but honestly, right now I’m not sure I remember. Some girls giggle behind me, and I watch Graham’s eyes track them. I look at my feet, letting my brain work without Graham’s face distracting me. I square my shoulders, let out a deep breath, and look him in the eyes.

“Graham. Please. Just stop. What could possibly be so great about me to make you try so hard?” I mumble the last part but he hears it anyway.

Graham stares at me for a minute, his mouth slightly ajar, looking a little confused. His expression makes me wish I never asked the question.

“Never mind. Forget I asked.” I start towards the exit. His words stop me short.

“In seventh grade, Megan and Elizabeth liked to throw food at Brooke in the cafeteria. When she would turn around and look, they acted like they didn’t do anything. Sometimes they would leave chunks of pizza in her hood. One day, you were walking by and told the girls to cut it out. For the rest of the school year, you sat next to Brooke every day and glared at Megan and Elizabeth. Our freshman year, you tutored Grant so he could stay eligible for baseball. He didn’t pay you. Hecouldn’tpay you. It was out of the goodness of your heart. Last year, at the sophomore dance, that new kid was all alone. You pulled himinto our group and made sure he knew you wanted him to be there. You smile at everyone in the hallway. You greet people by name. You make everyone feel like they matter and seeing them makes your day better. Everyone except me.” He blows out a frustrated breath. “Plus, you are beautiful. Make-people-run-into-you-because-you-stop-so-fast gorgeous, and you have no idea. I have a million amazing memories of the two of us together growing up. Is it so wrong that I want to add to those?”

I take a deep breath, trying to push down my emotions. How could a girl not want to say yes after that? “Graham, just stop.” I turn to leave right as I see Graham’s eyes light up in triumph.

“The list,” Graham declares.

I stutter to a stop. “What? What list?” I hold my breath, hoping against hope that he doesn’t actually remember that yellow paper I had hidden in the pages of my favorite book.

“The Boyfriend List. From the tree. I remember it. Give me the list. Let me show you I am serious. I bet I can cross everything off that list by Christmas—the dates, the gifts, all of it— and if I do it, you’ll be my girlfriend.” He points at me, his eyes lighting up.

“Ew. You want me to bet on being your girlfriend? That’s gross.”

“Okay, that’s true. It’s a little weird. How about…” He chews his bottom lip, trying to figure out new stakes. “My date to the New Year’s Charity Gala our moms do. Please.Andif I do it, you’ll seriously consider giving me a shot, a real shot at being your boyfriend.”

“You obviously don’t remember it that clearly. That list is stupid and impossible. That guy doesn’t exist. Besides, that was a long time ago. I don’t have it anymore,” I lie, dropping my voice so people won’t overhear.

He gives me a confident grin and lowers his voice to match mine. “Ha. You kept it. You keep everything. And even if you didn't, you have an awesome memory. Rewrite it forme.” Determination glints in his eyes. “If I don’t finish it by Christmas, I’ll stop asking you out. Forever. Never again will you have to turn me down.”

What are the chances he can actually make this happen? Can I say yes without making it obvious how badly I want him to do it? I want an excuse to say yes, to finally give in to dating him, but is this it? Will he stick to it? What if he does it, and I was wrong, and he still quits?I bite my bottom lip. Graham’s eyes narrow in on my mouth, making me drop my lip and look down. Graham clears his throat and extends his hand.

“Deal?” he asks.

I square my shoulders and fix a confident smirk on my face that I definitely don’t feel. “Deal.” I grab his hand, clearly not learning my lesson from the football game.

***

Julia - Nine Years Earlier

I hold my breath and count in my mind.One Mississippi. Two Mississ…I’m interrupted by a loud crash of thunder. Every time a storm hits, Nathan hugs me and tells me that the storms aren’t as bad as they used to be. I am sure it is supposed to comfort me, but it really doesn’t. Thunder and lightning are thunder and lightning as far as I am concerned. All terrifying.

“Eeeee!” I squeal, and wrap my blanket around my back and make a run for it. I hesitate at the door, wondering if the thunder storm has, by some miracle, ended. A flash of light shows my reflection looking terrified. “Not over. I will just go downstairs and sit with Mom and Dad. It is barely past bedtime. They won’t mind at all. It won’t be a big deal. I can do this,” I tell myself. I swing the door open right as the next thunderclap sounds. I’m a little more than halfway down when I hear my mom’s favoritemovie playing. I sit down to listen and watch my parents, momentarily distracted from the raging storm.

“Why would you wanna marry me for, anyhow?”Mom says along with the TV. I watch her turn to my dad, with wide hopeful eyes. Dad rolls his eyes, smiles a little and says, “So I can kiss ya anytime I want.” Then with a giggle that sounds a lot like me, Mom leans forward, brushing her lips across my dad’s mouth.

“Every time we watch this movie, I wonder what you would’ve said if I had asked you that,” Mom says. It’s supposed to not mean anything, but even I can tell it really does.

“What? Like a list? You want me to tell you why I wanted to marry you?” Dad smirks, scrubbing his hands through his hair.

“Well, originally I was hoping you would answer with the line from the movie, but if you want to talk about lists, sure. Let’s do that!”

“Did you have a list? Of why you wanted to marry me? Or more like things I had to do to qualify?”

“Oh, Connor, every girl has a list of qualifications.”

I smile to myself as I think about that.What is on my list?I wonder for a few seconds before another rumble of thunder shakes the house. I squeak, jumping up and running for my parents.

“Julia!” my dad says. “Are you okay? What are you doing out of bed?”

“I just got scared.” I burrow my nose into his shoulder. My parents chuckle softly and my mom starts rubbing my back.

“Okay, well you can stay with us for a few minutes, but we need to work on this, girlie. You’re seven now,” Mom says. As I let my eyes drift closed, I start thinking again.What is on my list?

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