Page 41 of Anytime I Want

“Wait! Julia, what’s up?” Graham grabs my hand, stopping me from walking away.

“Don’t worry about it.” I yank my hand free and pull Chloe towards the parking lot. “See you at the car. Maybe go find Nate?”

“J. Way too tight. Let go. I can walk. Man alive.” Chloe shakes her hand, trying to get some blood flow back. “Also, harsh. Instead of getting mad at Graham and pouting, why not try talking to him?”

“And say what? Graham, I hate when you flirt with other girls?”

“Uh, yes. What’s wrong with that? It’s called communicating. It’s all the rage. Well, in real life. In books and movies, it's pretty popular to do what you’re doing.”

“I don’t know how to. We aren’t dating.” Chloe snorts and shakes her head. “What? We aren’t!” I practically yell.

“Sure. You go out all the time. He holds your hand, kisses you during an evacuation, buys out a drugstore for you, writes you love notes—don’t think I haven't noticed you aren’t reading those, by the way, I saw them in that box in your closet—brings you an insane amount of lollipops and takes you on the cutestdates. Definitely not dating, I misunderstood the situation. My bad.” Her sarcasm is so thick, it coats me like slime from head to toe. But my stubbornness and fear are stronger than my shame.

“I’m not talking about this. Thank you for your insight.” Chloe rolls her eyes so hard I think her neck is going to break. “I… I just can’t. Okay? I don’t want to be bothered, but I don’t know what to say, what to think, what to do. I know you are literally telling me but I…” I shrug helplessly and Chloe gives me a side hug.

“Okay.” Chloe shakes her head at me before resting it on my shoulder.

We reach the car and she leans against the hood, waiting on Josie, Nathan, and Graham. Paige and Greg pull out of the spot next to us and wave bye. I was planning on inviting everyone over to watch a movie and raid the Halloween candy my mom hid in the pantry behind the canned vegetables, but I missed my chance.

“Chloe. Do you want to come watch a movie tonight?” I ask hesitantly.

“Yes. I’m not mad at you so stop with the tone and the face. I think you’re being dumb, but I still love you.” The rest of the group walk up when she is wrapping her arms around me.

“Group hug!” Graham yells, putting one arm around my waist, pulling Nathan in with the other. Nathan grabs Josie’s hand, and pretty soon I’m in the middle of a very tight group hug, trying to catch my breath.

“Too tight!” I gasp, and they quickly let go. I jump into the front seat of the car and throw the key to Nathan. “You drive.”

“I’ll drive!” Graham is quick to volunteer.

“No. Nathan.” I wrap my arms around my waist and look away from him. I really am more embarrassed than angry because I don’t know what to do. I mean, I know I should talk to him but I don’t have any claim on him. I’ve refused to let him claim me, so it’s hardly fair for me to expect to be able to act like I own him.And even if I did, who wants to date the girl that lets her jealousy and doubt overrule good sense? I know I am being stupid, but I’m in too deep. Nathan climbs into the driver's seat to start the car and waits for a minute while Josie, Chloe and Graham try to squeeze into the back seat.

“Graham, you are too big to sit three to the back. Julia, switch please?” Chloe complains.

“I’ll switch!” Josie scrambles over Graham not very gracefully and waits by my door. I glance at Nathan and the hope on his face is too much for me to ignore. I heave a pretty serious sigh and climb over the seat into the back. I sit in the middle, leaning into Chloe as much as I can but it doesn’t do much good.

“This didn’t really solve the problem, but okay, whatever.” Chloe pulls out her phone and starts typing.

“Julia,” Graham whispers. “Are you okay? Talk to me. I don’t get what I did.”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now. Give me time, k? I promise we’ll talk later.” I see Nathan raise his eyebrow in the rearview mirror at Graham, and Graham leans back in his seat, rubbing his hands over his face before he looks out the window.Good,this is what I wanted.

But if this is really what I want, why am I so bothered that he isn’t fighting to fix what I have broken?

Chapter 23

Graham

We pull up to the Pritchetts' house and I eye my dark bedroom window next door. Maybe I should just go to bed? Let the night end here and regroup for tomorrow. I glance at Julia, who still looks pretty bummed, and I decide that I need to fix it now. We climb out of the car and listen to the last few trick-or-treaters run down the street, yelling about which houses gave out the best candy. The front light is turned off at Julia’s house, an obvious sign that her parents are done handing out candy.

“Man, I hope my parents turned off the light because they didn’t want to keep handing stuff out, not because we ran out,” Nathan says, heading towards the house. “Graham, come on. Even if they did run out, I know where my mom hides some.” Well, with an invitation like that, how could I say no?

I shuffle my feet on the fake grass and turn to Julia.“Is it okay if I come?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Julia asks, but she doesn't make eye contact.

I sigh and follow Nathan. I toe off my boots outside the front door and wait for the girls to go inside first. Chloe and Josie smile at me, and Julia does an awkward nod, once again with no eye contact. I reach toward her, trying to grab her hand, but she sees me and pulls away. “Julia? Can I talk to you?”

“Not enough time.” She walks into the house and stops at the bottom of the stairs. “I think I’m going to just go to bed. It's been a long day. I’ll see you guys later.” She waves halfheartedly and heads up the stairs.

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