Page 29 of Anytime I Want

“Well.” I rub my hands on my shorts. “I guess I should probably go home.” I clear my throat again.

“Thanks for coming over and trying to take care of me.” Julia walks me towards the stairs. Her hand brushes mine, and in my overstimulated state, I stumble down the first few stairs. She reaches forward, catching my arm, once again trying to hide her smile. I let out another deep breath to calm myself.

“Okay. This is embarrassing. I’m gonna go.” I rush down the stairs, eager to get home and regroup. I’m not this person. I’m not a casanova by any means, but I am calm and collected around girls. Some would even say smooth. I’m halfway out the door when I hear Julia’s footsteps behind me.

“Graham, wait.” She steps out onto the front step, closing the door behind her but leaving her hand on the handle. “Thank you. I had a really great time.” She leans forward, bracing herself against my chest with her free hand, and plants a light kiss onmy cheek. She smiles, a faint blush coating her cheeks. Before I can ask her what has gotten into her and inspired this change in behavior, she opens the door, gives me a last wave, and closes the door behind her. I lean against the door, touching my cheek lightly.

“I could really get used to this.”

***

Julia

I run up to my room, holding in a squeal. I sit down at my desk and pull out the original copy of the list. When Graham asked for one, I rewrote it. There was no way I was giving him the official one with doodles of our initials gracing the margins. I grab my favorite pen (don’t judge, we all have one) and update the list by adding one more item. A smile spreads across my face.He might just make it after all,I think, letting myself feel the excitement. I’m not entirely sure why I was so forward today, but it felt right. He has been putting in some work, and truthfully, I am getting a little sick of fighting it.He is still who he is. He gets distracted.Doubt starts to creep in, and I make a conscious effort to push it away. I get to choose how I feel, and right now, I am going to bask in the memories of a lovely afternoon. A handsome guy reading me a romance novel. What could be better?

Graham

J. You got me sick.

Julia

… I wasn’t sick, so I’m not sure how that’s possible.

Graham

You put it out there, pretended to be sick and to balance the universe, someone close to you had to get sick. While I am flattered the universe chose me to counteract you, I’m sick and it’s uncool.

So, yeah. You got me sick.

Julia

Can I help? Do you need me to grab your homework?

Graham

Pssht. No. Everyone knows all of our homework is online now. Only a lovesick fool would do such a thing. Wait. On second thought, yes. ;)

Julia

I gotta get to class but I’m sorry you're sick and that somehow it was me and the universe working against you. I hope you feel better soon.

By the way, what would someone do if they were one, maybe two steps below a lovesick fool?

Chapter 17

Julia

I can’t believe I sent that text. But then I remind myself that I am not going to fight it. As much. I know he flirts with people all the time, but also, maybe he doesn’t? He’s a nice guy, and since he’s so stinking attractive, maybe girls think he’s flirting? Because they want him to be flirting? I always hear people talking about how he was flirting with so-and-so, but how often do I see him actually flirting with anyone? He winks a lot, but so do seventy-year-old men. Are they flirting with everyone all the time? I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. This isn’t the time.I’m not sure when the time is, but I want to move on, so you know, going to do that.

I spend the rest of the day trying to concentrate on school and think about if I should sign up for the talent show or sing at the show Mabel told me about. I get it. I’m making a big deal where I don’t need to, but in case you haven’t noticed, that’s what I do. Nathan has a meeting for baseball after school, and Chloe is getting picked up early for a doctor’s appointment, so after school today is probably the best time to go sign up. I am going to do it today. I want this, and I want to stop being afraid. I make my way across campus, kicking a random rock all the way. I am really focused on this rock and don’t see that someone is coming. I crash into Josh, and he grabs my arms, trying to help me regain my balance. I look up at him sheepishly as he removes an earbud.

“Sorry, Josh. I was really invested in that rock.”

“No problem.” He tucks his hands in his pockets. “What are you up to? Do you need a ride? Nate has a meeting, right?”

“Oh, no, I have our car. I was headed over to…” I trail off, not wanting to admit what I was up to. Josh glances around as if he has forgotten where we are. His eyes lock on the auditorium and brighten.

“The talent show?” he asks. I nod in response, not willing or able to actually say the word. “That’s really awesome, Julia. I’m excited for you. Want me to come with you? I’m pretty quiet; I’ll keep your secret.”

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