Page 10 of Anytime I Want

I crinkle my nose in thought. “Okay, I’ll give him a shot. For you.”

“Nah, J. Do it for you and no one else. Give him a shot because you like him, and you want to. Forget about everyone else. Forget about all the reasons you’ve decided are valid enough. Give yourself a shot.”

Nathan stands and holds out a small square of paper. “Here. This is for you. But let’s never speak of it again.”

“Thanks, Nathan.” I stare at the paper in my hand.Number 13: Write me love notes. “I know this is weird, but it helps knowing that you approve.”

“Of course I approve. If I didn’t, I should probably pick better friends. We both know I am too smart to spend time with jerks.” Nathan smiles, closing the door behind him.

I slowly unfold the paper and right before I read it, I flip it backside up, unsure if I want to know what it says. What if it isn’twhat I was hoping for? I climb off my bed and dig around in my closet for an old shoe box. I fold the note back up, careful to not read any of it. I drop it in the box and hide it behind my shirts.Later,I tell myself.When I’m feeling brave. Maybe I’ll be brave enough to give Graham a real shot at the same time.

Chapter 8

Julia

I’m in the kitchen, making a cup of hot chocolate and humming to myself. There’s nothing I like more than a slow morning. I don't have first period, and I am milking every minute of it. I think about the weekend, and as much as I’m trying to manage expectations, I really am looking forward to a date with Graham. I start to sing softly while a smile spreads across my face.

“I’ve always loved when you sing,” Mom says from the kitchen door. “You know, we are looking for someone to sing a song or two at the gala this year. What do you think?”

“Ha. I don’t think so. Remember last time? Maybe baby steps, like actually sing in the kitchen and not stop when someone walks in.” I won’t tell her, but I do want to sing.

“I know you can do it, baby.” Mom grabs a mug and makes herself a cup of hot chocolate. “Remember that. You’ve got a whole group of people to support you. You don’t have to sing at the gala, but I want to challenge you to look for other opportunities to stretch yourself, like maybe the high school talent show.” She smiles before taking a small sip of her hot chocolate, closing her eyes as she savors it.How did she know exactly what I was thinking about? Moms are magic.“I love you, Jules. Have a great day. Don’t forget what I said. Now, I’m going to read a book with this cup of cocoa.” She walks out of the kitchen with a little shimmy.

***

I let out a deep breath and quickly glance over my shoulder, hoping I don't see anyone I know in the hallway at school. Just a couple of kids, canoodling on a bench, as my dad likes to say. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what my mom said this morning. Is this a good challenge, a good stretch? Is it too much? It is a good opportunity for Graham to check something off the list, but maybe I shouldn’t think like that. I bite my lip in frustration and wish I knew what to do.

I shake my hands and grab the pen hanging by the talent show sign up sheet. Every year, Desert Valley High School has a Christmas talent show. Emphasis on talent,and it is a dream of mine to perform there. Each year is more impressive than the last. It’s a big community event, not to be missed. I’ve tried to convince myself the last two years but never manage. Maybe I’ll volunteer backstage this year, see if that baby step can help get me in the right direction. But, I really do want Grahamto complete that list and number twelve, ‘sit front row at my performance,’ requires a performance of some kind. It’s right there in the list. Might as well audition for the talent show. I scoff at the thought, as if it were so simple.

“Thank you, Mrs. Sundin. I’ll go find that sign up right now!” an unfamiliar voice sounds from the choir room. I drop the pen and take a step back.

“Oh! Hi! I’m Josie. Well, Josephina, technically, but I don’t love it, so I decided to go by Josie instead once I moved here.” A short girl with dyed black hair and a line of freckles across her nose and cheeks sticks her hand out, waiting for me to shake it. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm down my racing heart. I get it. It’s silly, but even thinking about singing in front of people makes me nervous. Josie has a confused expression and slowly lowers her hand. I grab it before she can, not wanting her to feel rejected.

“Hey, I’m Julia Pritchett. It’s so nice to meet you! When did you move here?”

“Oh, just last week. My parents gave me a couple of days to ‘adjust’ before making me start school. I think adjust actually means unpack and do their errands, but whatever. Also, what kind of crazy parents make you start the week before fall break? Ridiculous. So, are you signing up?” She gestures towards the sign-up sheet.

“Oh, uh, no?”

“No? You aren’t sure?”

“Well, I, uh, hmm. Well, I was thinking about it. I don’t normally, but then you startled me, and I am starting to think it was a sign or something. No singing for Julia.” I say, marking the end of my sentence with a one finger salute. An actual salute, not flipping her off.

“Hmm, well I am certainly going to sign up. You should too! I’m not the best singer; I won’t make anyone cringe or anythingbut I’m not great. I just lo-ove being the center of attention.” Josie laughs and grabs the pen. She signs her name with a flourish. I smile to myself, thinking she absolutely needs to meet Chloe. They are kindred spirits. Josie holds the pen out to me, raising her eyebrow in question.

“J!” Chloe calls as I reach for the pen. “Oh my gosh! Are you signing up for the talent show? This is amazing. What are you going to sing?”

“Uhm. Well.” I’m desperately trying to deflect but she caught me red-handed. “I thought maybe I’d sign up Nathan. You know, as a prank?”

“Classic! Yes, please.” Chloe laughs, nodding towards the paper in encouragement. “Do it.”

“Who’s Nathan? Your boyfriend?” Josie asks, her eyes darting between us.

“Boyfriend! No, he’s her twin. Hi, I’m Chloe. Are you new?”

“Yep, Josie. First day. Ready to jump right in and embrace a new high school by singing in the talent show.”

“Oh, perfect. We are always in need of new blood. Come eat lunch with us! We can do it as soon as Julia signs Nathan up.” Chloe links her arm through Josie’s.

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