Page 1 of Anytime I Want

Chapter 1

Julia

I’m standing in the hallway at my high school, using a windowsill as a table, staring at my overcrowded bag in dismay. I pull out a textbook part of the way and try to cram two books where only one can fit. “I wish I had a locker. But no, stupid Arizona schools with no lockers. It’s probably a chiropractor conspiracy,” I mumble to myself.

“What’s a conspiracy?” a deep voice says from over my shoulder. I startle, dropping my bag in the process. A loud tearing sound mixes with the books hitting the floor.

“Shoot, sorry J.” Graham Kealoha, my brother’s best friend and my next-door neighbor, bends down and starts collecting the loose papers and books from the floor. He picks up my bag and stares at the hole in the bottom, letting the last few items slip out. “Well, the good news here is that now I get to carry your books for you. I’m a strapping young man; this will be no problem.” He winks and flexes his biceps.

I don't want to blush; I want to be totally unaffected. But that’s not how this works. Iamaffected. Honestly, I don’t see how I could not be. He is gorgeous. He’s barely under six feet tall, with dark skin and broad shoulders that come with being part Hawaiian. His teeth are perfectly straight, a product of years of braces, and bright white, because his mom used to be a dental hygienist. He wears a backwards baseball hat every day except Sunday, when he goes to church with his parents. I love when I get a glimpse of him Sunday mornings, in an aloha-style shirt, nice slacks, with his wavy black hair combed neatly back. It’s not that I wait for him to walk out to the car, but when the stars align, I definitely take the opportunity to look. But I need to stop that. I can’t like him. It’s not worth the risk. I shake my head at him, trying to hide my feelings. I want to say no thanks, but honestly, I need the help.

“Here, you can take the heaviest ones.”

He holds out his arms, and I load them up with my thickest textbooks. I grab my pencil case and a few notebooks. I stand and start towards my next class.

“So, does this mean we’re together? Carrying books is like a thing, right?” Graham smirks. “This could be the start of a beautiful relationship. My mom always says stuff like that and then sighs while the guy in the movie falls in love. I could be that guy for you, J.”

“Dude. Leave her alone,” my twin brother, Nathan, says, coming up behind us. “You ask her out all the time, and shealways says no. Leave it.” I smile in gratitude and he nods back. My brother is an awesome guy, a little tense and grumpy but one of my closest friends. We look similar—wavy blond hair, green eyes, fair skin—only he is way taller than me. I’m not short exactly, but he is definitely tall. There is no doubt that we’re siblings. We even have the same cadence when we talk.

“Just because you aren’t looking for love doesn't mean she isn’t. Leavehimalone,” Chloe, my best friend, snaps. I’m not sure when she got here, which is strange. Normally she loves to make an entrance. She brushes her dark hair away from her face, spearing Nathan with her bright blue eyes before returning to her cell phone.

“Well, good morning, Chloe,” Nathan says sarcastically.

Chloe doesn’t respond, taking a few quick steps to get away from Nathan.

I grip my books a little tighter, rolling my eyes. I wish they would just get along. Or at least try. But they are like oil and water— they take every opportunity to clash. They aren’t normally mean, just disagreeable. It used to stress me out, but now I know it’s their dynamic. Water runs downhill, the sky is up, and Chloe and Nathan argue. It is how it is.

“Nathan, it’s okay. I can take it. I know, deep down, you are actually rooting for me.” Graham nudges Nathan’s shoulder, careful not to drop my books. “Look, progress. She let me carry her books!”

“Ugh.” I groan out loud. It’s my method for trying to overcome this crush. Being around Graham always gives me that nervous, excited feeling. For eleven years. Eleven. I’ve watched him flirt and tease every girl with a pulse. Including me. Does he mean it? In the moment, probably. But long term? I don’t know, and that’s what scares me. His parents are best friends with my parents. His much older brothers used to babysit us. I see him all the time. He lives next door. Do you know how many days thereare in eleven years? Yeah, me neither, but it’s a lot of butterflies, blushing, and nerves. And the best way to convince myself that I didn’t want to see him was toactlike I didn’t want to see him. It’s called manifesting or something like that. I came up with it when I was maybe ten. Clearly, my progress is minimal.

“Be careful. Keep groaning like that and people will start to think you mean it,” Chloe taunts quietly as she picks at her nails.

“I do mean it!” I demand, a little too intensely.

“Mean what?” Graham says, trying to weasel his way back into the conversation. His eyes dart between me and Chloe, and when he realizes we aren't answering, he changes the subject. “So, back to the beautiful relationship. Julia, are you free tonight?” Graham wiggles his eyebrows at me. A couple sophomore girls walk by, and Graham winks at them after they wave. I wrinkle my nose for a second before I clear my face. I need to keep it to myself.

“She is coming to the football game with us. Like always.” Nathan says. Graham has a confused look in his eye for a second. His smile grows and he nods, almost as if he remembers what the conversation is about. I take a deep breath and steel my resolve. He can’t even walk down the hallway with me without getting distracted. He would probably like me just long enough to do some major damage to my heart before he moves on to someone else. Clearly, this won’t work. I can’t have a crush on him. Besides, even if I did overlook that, he is Nathan’s best friend. Recipe for disaster. I’ve seen movies. I’ve read books. The happy ending is fake; it’s the middle that is real life. The couple breaks up, and the brother has to choose. That’s real life.

“Just in case anyone cares, I’ll be there too.” Chloe rolls her eyes. She hates being left out of the conversation. Nathan rolls his eyes right back.For the love.

“I care, Chloe!” Graham grins, bumping his shoulder on hers.

“Thanks, Graham-cracker.” Chloe smiles.

The bell rings and I grab Chloe’s arm, pulling her toward class. Graham hustles after us, telling Nathan he’ll see him soon, and sets my books on my desk once we get to the classroom. “I’ll be waiting outside after class.”

“Graham!” Ginger Cole says, leaning against his arm, pulling his focus. Her shoulder-length blond hair should clash with the bright orange of her cheerleading uniform, but because life isn’t fair, she looks gorgeous. “Will you be at the football game tonight?”

“Of course! I never miss an opportunity to watch the cheerleaders.” He high fives the football player sitting in the desk next to me.

“Well, watch me, okay? I’ll throw a special flip just for you.” She flutters her eyelashes, pretending to be all demure but really, she’s throwing herself at him. I try to fight any physical indication that I am bothered by this by staring at my blank notebook.

“Mr. Kealoha, where are you supposed to be? It’s definitely not here,” Mr. Atkinson says.

“Right you are, sir. I shouldn't be here at all.” Graham heads towards the door. “Always good to see you.” He winks at me, but I hear a small giggle and whispers from behind me.

“Oh my gosh, Ginger. He is so into you!” one of the cheerleaders gushes.

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