Page 1 of Meet Stan

Chapter One

Stan

The jazz pianist tickled the ivories with long, slender fingers as I moped about the nearby buffet table, holding a half-eaten cracker with a smear of caviar on the end. The best type of caviar, sturgeon straight from one specific lake in Russia, and I could barely even taste it.

The pianist was tearing it up, too. His backup ensemble were equally as skilled. The guy on bass, a great big wedge of a man like a living teddy bear, practically made love to his instrument. A bass violin kind of does look like a woman, with curves and all.

This fabulous soiree was organized to commemorate the firm’s acquisition of Dynamic Mechanics, a bleeding-edge tech firm focused on microprocessors and other essential hardware of the computerized future.

It was a hell of a coup, and we were folding in hundreds of employees into our existing firm structure. Now that DM was a division of our firm, this meant that a good portion of the people at the party were total strangers to me.

But where some saw awkwardness, I saw an opportunity. There were all kinds of fresh young females there for the taking, yet I felt an odd melancholy weighing down my body and mind.

A tall, mustachioed man hovered nearby, a glass of champagne in his hand.

“You look entirely too glum for a man who just got a whole lot richer.”

I glanced over at Chandler, my friend and business partner, and shrugged.

“I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

To be honest, I was thinking about the fact that I was the sole remaining bachelor at the firm, and what that meant for all of our futures. There were four of us, owners and executives, but their wives now played an increasing role in management. I wasn’t about to bring that up to Chandler, since he might take it the wrong way.

“About the fact that you and Jon and Mason are shit out of luck tonight.” I grinned ear to ear, though I really didn’t feel it. “I mean, just look at all the beautiful ladies here. Tonight is an endless adventure—for me.”

I gave him a look and shook my head as if I was very sad for him.

“But what do you guys have to look forward to? Some tastyhors devours? A few glasses of champagne before you have to go home to wifey?” I heaved a sigh. “I cry for you, but my tears are from laughter.”

Chandler patted me on the shoulder. “Chin up, you’ll find your missing piece someday.”

“Fuck Shel Silverstein, fuck the end of the sidewalk, and fuck you, now that I think about it.” I threw back a glass of champagne and headed for the balcony. “I need some fresh air.”

Chandler’s laughter only made it worse as I retreated. It wasn’t mocking laughter. That kind of ribbing I can deal with. No, it wasknowinglaughter. Like he was privy to something I wasn’t.

In fact, all of my partners had been acting funny ever since they got married. It was something I’d tried not to think about but grew harder to deal with every day.

The balcony doors closed behind me and I took in the fantastical sight of the New York skyline. Nearby, a pigeon strutted like a conqueror on the marble railing. I decided to name him Ted. He looked like a Ted.

“I tell you what, Ted.” I heaved a sigh as I looked out on the city. “It sucks being the lone bachelor in the firm. A few years back, we worked all day and partied all night long.”

I slapped my palm on the railing, which startled Ted and made him jump back on his bright orange feet.

“All night long, I’m telling you. I can’t count how many bars we shut down or got kicked out of. Now, though, if I wanted to go out, I had to do it by myself. I mean, I can get any woman I want. It just lost some meaning when I had no one to brag or show off to.”

I looked over at him and sighed.

“You’re lucky you’re just a pigeon, Ted. You don’t want to deal with life’s changes as a human being.”

Ted cooed at me, twisting his flexible neck around to stare. His head cocked this way and that, and then he took off in a furious profusion of fluttering. A single feather drifted down and I caught it out of the air.

“Son of a bitch, look at that. Some cultures believe that if you catch a feather out of the air, then you get to make a wish.”

I stared at the feather in my hand for a long time.

“Too bad I don’t believe in that bullshit.”

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