Page 30 of If You Stayed

We celebrated at Amma and Frank’s house before Amma had to go into work for a night shift. Gabriel wanted us to stay in and stuff our faces with junk food and watch the ball drop on television, but I wanted to take a trip to Sky Hill—where snow tubing was taking place into the night. It was supposed to be a huge deal, with fireworks going off at midnight over the hillside.

“Or we can just keep eating birthday cake and play board games,” Gabriel offered for the hundredth time.

“Or we can go tubing!” I countered for the hundredth-and-first time.

“Snow tubing!” Elijah exclaimed.

There was a knock on my office door, forcing me back to reality.

“Kierra? Are you okay?” Joseph asked through the shut door. “That seemed like an intense exchange I overhead.”

“I’m fine,” I said, shaking myself out of my jolted memories. “Everything’s fine.”

7

Kierra

The next morning, I tried to dismiss all the anxiety thathad built up within me over the past few days. I felt beyond exhausted, due to a lack of sleep. The problem with being a parent was that when you were in the middle of anxiety attacks, you still had to take care of someone beside yourself. So, while my body wanted to fully shut down and curl up into a ball and sob for seventy-two hours straight, I had a whole human to keep alive and fed, and a job to attend where people poured their struggles out on me.

Therefore, my own problems had to take a back seat for a good while. I’d just keep pushing said breakdown deeper into my system. That seemed healthy enough. That was until Tuesday morning when the smallest inconvenience made me crack.

“Sorry, Kierra, we’re all out of cinnamon muffins,” Claire said as I stood at the front of the line of Florence Bakery the morning after Amma reminded me of the worst moment of my life. The last thing I needed was a punch to my spirit thatthere were no more cinnamon muffins. I knew it was ridiculous, but I almost broke down into tears from the mere idea that a freaking pastry was out of stock.

“We’re actually out of dark roast, too,” Claire stated, “But I can get you a light roast.”

When it rains, it pours.

“Yeah, okay. That’s fine,” I said, feeling defeated. After she rang me up and handed me my coffee, I turned around to run straight into a body, spilling my coffee all over the hardened chest that I hit.

“Fuck!” he shouted, hopping backward.

I looked up to find Gabriel standing there with a brown paper bag in his hands and scalding coffee covering his cashmere chesterfield coat.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry,” I blurted out as I began to rub his coat.

“You did say you weren’t always clumsy, but I’m starting to think that was a lie.”

“Oh gosh, yeah, I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The tears that were sitting at the back of my eyes pushed their way to the forefront and began to fall down my cheeks as I kept swiping at his coat. “I’m so, so sorry and—”

Gabriel grabbed my arm and paused my excessive wiping. “Kierra. It’s fine. I was just teasing.” I raised my head to meet his stare. The moment our eyes locked, true concern appeared in his eyes. He placed a hand against my shoulder. “Are you crying? Are you okay?”

“No,” I said, then I shook my head. “I mean yes, I’m okay,and no I’m not crying.”

He arched an eyebrow. “I see the tears streaming down your face.”

“It’s allergies,” I lied.

“It’s not allergies.”

“It’s totally allergies.”

“Kierra.”

“Yes?”

“You’re a bad liar.”

I burst into more tears and covered my face in embarrassment. The buildup of the past few days was finally catching up to me, and I didn’t know how to handle it. “I ruined your coat!” I blabbered, having a full breakdown in the middle of the bakery.

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