Page 81 of If You Stayed

“Get what?”

“How my fucked-up mind could forget about you.”

My heart skipped a few beats as I kept my stare on him.

When his head lifted and those dark eyes locked with mine, I almost began to weep from the idea of what we could’ve been.

“Can I ask you a question, Kierra?”

“Yes. Of course. Anything.”

“Did I love you?” he softly asked.

A tremble hit my bottom lip as my eyes filled with tears. I nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“Did you love me, too?”

“More than words.”

He fiddled with his hands and nodded as he sniffled a bit. “And then we fell out of love?”

“No,” I urged. “I don’t think people like us ever fall out of love.”

“Then what happened to our love?”

“I ran from it.”

“Why?”

Because I’ve caused so much pain.

When I couldn’t reply with words, Gabriel kept talking. “It makes sense that I loved you, because when I first saw you…I didn’t know you, but I couldfeelyou.” He cleared his throat and sniffled some more. “And when I felt you, I didn’t feel lost anymore. I don’t know a lot, and my mind is still messed up,but I think that’s what love is. Something that makes you feel a little less lost.”

“Gabriel—”

“Did I hurt you?” he asked. The pained expression in his eyes showed the level of guilt he was feeling. “Was it my fault?”

I rushed over to him and took his hands into mine. “No. Oh my goodness, no. Not at all. I swear. It was me, Gabriel. I was the one who left. You did nothing wrong. You could’ve never done anything wrong.”

“Then why didn’t you stay?”

If only I could tell him everything. But I knew Amma would’ve hated all the details to come out, and it would’ve damaged her relationship with her son. I didn’t want to cause her more pain than I’d already had. Still, I couldn’t continue acting as if Gabriel and I didn’t have the connection that we’d had for the longest time. He was one of the largest parts of my life—if not the biggest, after Ava.

Truthfully, a part of me resented Amma, too. Her keeping such a massive secret hidden from Gabriel seemed so deeply cruel to me. The more I thought about how much Gabriel had missed out on, how he didn’t have memories of his little brother, the more it irritated me.

“I made a lot of mistakes back then. I was young and scared.”

“Sounds like a bullshit excuse,” he murmured as he rubbed his hand against his temple. “So, wait. Time out. If we were that close, did you know my mother?”

“Yes.”

“And when you two met again, did you recognize each other?”

I knew where he was going with this. I knew that his mind was starting to piece together the deceit that had taken place over the past few weeks since we reconnected at the dinner party.

I nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“So. My mother knew you but pretended she didn’t?”

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