Page 29 of Landon & Shay: Part One

“My mom will be home. I’m not sure what we’re doing yet, but she’ll be there. My dad will probably find a reason to work or something.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Miss who?”

“Your parents.”

I shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Yes, but do you miss them?”

“Not my father.” I saw him twice a week and felt nothing. If I didn’t see him twice a week, I would probably still feel nothing.

“But your mom? You miss her?”

Every single fucking day.

How pathetic. I was a grown-ass guy missing his mommy.

I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

She brushed the edge of her nose. “Do you think she knows you miss her?”

What a pointless question. “It doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t make her come home.”

“Maybe it would,” she offered up.

I didn’t offer anything else on that topic. Not worth my breath.

“Don’t worry about me.” Mom would be back for my birthday. That was all that mattered. She’d be there when I needed her the most.

“I can’t help it, Landon. I care about you, which means I worry,” Mrs. Levi revealed. It made me uncomfortable. When people cared about me, I felt a pressure to try to not let them down. Then, I always ended up letting them down.

I shifted around in my seat, and she must’ve picked up on my discomfort, because she moved the conversation forward.

“Well, until then, perhaps we should have no more parties leading up to your birthday, right?”

“Okay.”

I had no desire to have any more parties any time soon. I always thought being surrounded by people would help me tune out my sadness. Truth was, it only made it louder. Standing in a crowded room when no one was able to truly see you was the loneliest I’d ever felt.

That night, when Shay looked up and locked eyes with me in the midst of my aching, I felt terrified that she saw me, yet also somewhat…comforted? It was an odd sensation, and I wasn’t completely sure how to accept the moment.

When someone saw your pain and didn’t look away, it felt like a gift, like they were allowing you to be exactly who you were without shame or judgments.

I just wished that gift was given to me by someone who wasn’t Shay Gable.

Mrs. Levi rubbed the side of her neck before straightening out one of the frames on her desk. “Last time we spoke, we talked about finding a hobby for you. How are we doing on finding something to keep you busy? Did you find anything to keep your interest?”

“Well, yeah. Kind of.”

Shay.

Shay, Shay, and Shay.

“Good, good. What is it?”

I kept my lips shut.

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