Page 135 of Landon & Shay: Part One

Shay smiled ear to ear. “I’m so proud of you for reaching out for help. For being open to that avenue. A lot of people are afraid to even speak up.”

“Yeah. It’s hard, but I’m trying.” I grimaced and lowered my head as I fiddled with my fingers. “There’s just one problem.”

“What’s that?”

“Everything my mom is planning is out in California.” Her jaw dropped slightly, and I cringed, seeing the disappointment hit her. I turned her way even more and took her hands into mine. “She has a friend who said we could stay with them out there, but we can look here if need be. We can find doctors out this way. I can figure out a way to get better and still be near you, Shay. Just tell me to stay, and I’ll stay.”

Her lips parted, and she shook her head. “I want to say those words. I want to be selfish and tell you to stay here with me so we can be an us, but I can’t do that. Truth is, if you stay, I’ll love you. If you go, I’ll love you even more. Because that would be you doing something for yourself. Your healing is of the utmost importance here, Landon. And if the best doctors are out there in California, then that’s where you should go. And also, you’ll be able to be with your mom more often.”

I lowered my head, because I knew she was right. I needed my mom right now. Maybe more than I ever needed her before. And in order for me to be the person I wanted to be for Shay, I needed to figure out this head of mine. I needed to learn how I worked.

Shay raised my hands to her mouth and kissed my palms. “This is a good thing, even though it feels a little sad.”

“I didn’t know good things could be sad.”

“Yes…” She gave me a halfway grin. “But I always knew that sad things could be good. You’re living proof of that. Let’s make a promise to each other. When you find you, come back here,” she said, placing her hand over her heart. “Come back to me. But please, by all means, take your time. I’ll be here, I swear. I want you to find me, but not at the chance of you losing yourself. Take your time. Heal.

“Find yourself, lose yourself, then find yourself again. Do some soul searching, Landon. Go deep. Laugh, cry, discover. Do some digging, but don’t you dare rush this. Don’t you dare try to skip a few steps in your healing to just get back to me. I’m here. I’m here today, I’ll be here tomorrow. But, Landon, please…” she whispered, placing a hand on my cheek. Her forehead fell against mine, and my lips brushed against hers as she spoke the most important words into my soul. “Go slow.”

33

Shay

Greyson decidedto throw Landon a going away party, which was pretty intimate. Only Landon’s core group—the fantastic four (+Raine) and I came. Along with Mima and Landon’s mother. Somehow, that was enough love to fill a stadium.

The party was lighthearted, filled with a lot of laughter and smiling.

Mima cooked the food for the party and said a prayer over the meal. Then, during dinner, Raine stood to give a speech.

“Okay, okay, I will keep this short and sweet, because I did my makeup and I don’t feel like crying off my mascara. But I wanted to raise a glass to Landon Scott Harrison—one of the most complex, intriguing boys I’d ever come across. I know we aren’t family, but I look at you as a little brother to me.”

“I’m older than you, Raine,” Landon said.

“Yeah, but you’ve always acted like a little shit,” she replied. She turned toward Mima and Landon’s Mom to offer an apology for her language. “But anywho, I wanted to say I’m proud of you. We all are. And now, I’m not one to ever get involved in anyone else’s lives—”

“CoughLIEScough,” Hank hacked up a lung, making everyone chuckle.

Raine rolled her eyes. “Anyway. I just wanted to give you a few tips on your journey in California that will help you along the way. Number one: don’t get plastic surgery, you already have a solid jawline. Number two: if you run into George Clooney, give him my number. He’s my freebie in mine and Hank’s relationship. Number three: Don’t become a beach bum. I’ve seen you in the sun before. You’ll burn. Number four…” Raine cleared her throat and her eyes watered over as she grew a little somber. “Call your sister and your brothers whenever you need us. Day or night. We’ll answer. Well, maybe not Eric at night because he’s a heavy sleeper. Number five—don’t lose your asshole charm. It’s what makes you…you. Number six—and this one is the most important one of them all—don’t forget we love you. I know life can get crazy, and we’ll all be busy with crap, but know that no matter what, the love is always there. We’re always here. Even if we are miles apart.” She wiped a few tears from her eyes and held her glass up. “Here’s to you, Land. We love you, we’re proud of you, and you’re going to do great things in this world.”

We all cheered and wiped the falling tears from our own eyes.

After everyone left, Landon and I headed over to his house for our final goodbye. My mind had been spinning all afternoon knowing that this moment was growing close. Before heading into his house, I went and grabbed a wrapped gift from my car. Then, I met him in his living room.

We sat on the couch, and stare at one another for a while. Unsure what to say, unsure how to start.

“I don’t want to sit here crying all night,” I joked, nudging him in the arm. “So, let’s just make this a happy moment, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Here.” I handed him the gift and he raised an eyebrow.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Yes, I did. Open it.”

He ripped the paper open to find ten new notebooks.

“There’s about twenty different questions in every notebook. I figured it could help you figure out some of your thoughts when you’re struggling.”

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