Page 117 of Landon & Shay: Part One

“What’s wrong?”

Me. I’m what’s wrong. “Nothing, it’s all good. Let’s just get this rehearsal over with, all right? I don’t feel like talking.” I started walking away, feeling like shit for shutting her out, but I’d spent the last eight hours coming up with every single reason why I wasn’t good enough for her.

The list was long, detailed, and damn accurate.

What could Shay give me if we were together?

Happiness. Joy. So much fucking laughter. A feeling of home. A safe place to fall. Hope. Love. Her mind, body, and soul. Her light.

And what could I give her if we were together?

My scars. My panic attacks. My heaviness. My mood swings. My pain. My depression. My darkness.

It didn’t seem like equal playing fields, that was for damn sure. She’d give me the world, and I’d take it away from her. Everyone was right—she was completely out of my league.

“Land, wait.” She wrapped her fingers around my forearm, and I shut my eyes. Her warmth. Her touches. She’d give me that, too. “Talk to me.”

“Let it go, Shay, all right? Let it go and let me go.”

Her fingers released from my arm, and chills raced through me. The moment she let me go, I missed her touch.

She kept staring at me, reading me, breaking me down piece by piece.

Stop it, Shay… Stop reading these pages. The ink is still wet, and the words ain’t pretty.

“You’re struggling,” she commented. “Don’t shut me out. Please, Landon. Let me in. Whatever it is, I can handle it. I’m here. I can help you.”

She was being that perfect person that I’d fallen in love with. She was standing there with care and concern. Her brown eyes were wide with love. She didn’t even have to tell me about her love. I saw it in the way that she looked at me. Shay Gable looked my way as if I was a prize. As if she saw something in me that I’d yet to discover. I fucking loved how she looked at me. I hated that I’d never be able to live up to those expectations.

“Drop it,” I warned one last time. “Let’s just get this shit over with, all right?”

I hated myself for being so cold toward her. I hated how my mind was all messed up. I hated…myself.

Shit.

I hated myself.

We ran through the show, and when it came time for Juliet to take her life, for the first time during our rehearsals, Juliet cried real tears. They fell against me as she delivered her final lines, emotions pouring out of her as she spoke.

I opened my eyes to watch her, to see her reddened eyes.

I did that to her. I broke her heart, and we hadn’t even really been dating yet. What kind of damage could I have done to her over time?

“Bravo, bravo!” Mr. Thymes applauded after Shay’s tearful performance. He placed his hand over his chest, and his eyes stayed wide in amazement. “And that is why Shay is our Juliet, folks. Shay, what you just did on this stage was breathtakingly raw. What did you tap into to unlock that?”

She gave him a wary smile and shrugged her left shoulder. “Pain?”

Mr. Thymes clapped his hands together in awe. “Pain. Yes, I felt it. Good, good. Keep that up for the shows this weekend. Hold on to that pain. And Landon?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Keep your eyes closed during her death scene. Romeo wouldn’t be staring at Juliet while she’s killing herself.”

“Noted.”

“Outside of that, you two should be very proud of yourselves. The chemistry between the two of you is nothing like I’ve seen before. I can rest easy tonight knowing the show will be a wild success due to the two of you. Goodnight.”

I packed up my things and hurried out of the theater, hoping to avoid Shay talking to me, but unfortunately, she was quick.

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