Page 98 of Behind the Bars

Katie lost her first tooth in TJ’s kitchen, and she got scolded for failing her first test in the diningroom.

Everything I touched was a reminder of her. The worst thing, though, was crossing paths with my mother. I had Katie’s eyes, but Mom had her eyes and smile. She had her wild, curly hair. She had her heart, her personality, herlove.

Everything beautiful about my mother matched my sister’s soul, and it broke my fucked-up heart every time she looked myway.

Not only did I suffer from nightmares during the day, whenever I closed my eyes, I’d fall into dreams that were always covered in shadows. I’d be back in that alleyway, listening to them mock Katie, listening to them abuse her. Sometimes I’d become aware that I was dreaming, but still I couldn’t wake up. I needed to wake up. I couldn’t watch her die again. Icouldn’t…

I stumbled to my feet and rushed over to Katie. Her breaths were shallow and her eyes widened, panicked. “Eli,” she murmured, and I wrapped my arms aroundher.

“It’s okay,” I told her, panicking as I noticed the blood on my fingers from where I’d touched the back of her head. “You’re okay, you’reokay.”

She started to shut her eyes, and I shookher.

No…

“St-stay here, Katie. Stay h-here.”

“Eli,” Katie cried, pulling at my shirt. “Eli…Eli…E—”

I shot up from TJ’s sofa, shaken awake from the dream that was too real. My body was drenched in sweat, my heart rate was through the roof, and I couldn’t pull back the image of Katie dying. She died again in mydream.

She always died in myarms.

“Eli,” a voice whispered, making me turn my head to the left. Jasmine was standing there with wide eyes filled with panic and worry. “You were shouting in yoursleep.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head back andforth.

She shifted around and gave me a tight smile. “I came back from work early tonight and realized I left my house keys here. You can head home if you want. I can stay thenight.”

I stood up from the sofa and glanced at the time.Midnight.“Okay.”

“Are you…” she started, but she paused, knowing theanswer.

No.

I wasn’t allright.

I’d never be all rightagain.

I headed to Daze. Jason was working behind the bar, and I sat down on a bar stool across from him. The moment he looked my way, he frowned and poured me a glass of whiskey on therocks.

“Nightmares?” heasked.

Inodded.

“Awake orsleeping?”

I shot back the whiskey. “Both.”

He poured me another glass. “Do you want to talk about it?” He always asked methat.

“Nope.” I always repliedthat.

He leaned forward against the bar and cocked an eyebrow. “Do you want to listen to me talk about my wedding and how we picked out the flower displaystoday?”

I snickered and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Yes.”

Jason got a goofy grin and pulled out his cell phone to show me photos, because of course he’d taken photos. “She wanted peonies and buttercups, but I was definitely much more old-fashioned and wanted roses, but not like, red roses, burnt orange roses, with some stephanotis tossed into the mix. I felt like those would read more November, autumn wedding than red roses. We ended up doing the best of both worlds and mixing them all together.” The way his face glowed with excitement was the best thing I’d seen in a longtime.

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