Page 91 of Behind the Bars

She shook her head. “Not right now, but he will be. He will beokay.”

“How can you say that?” Elliott questioned. “How do youknow?”

“I don’t know for sure,” she said softly. She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. “But sometimes I have to lie to myself to keep from falling apart. Sometimes lies are the only thing that keep me getting out of bed eachmorning.”

The honesty in her confession shookme.

She lied to herself so she could keep going through life. I knew that feeling all toowell.

She cleared her throat, and her gentle eyes met mine. “He’s going to be okay,right?”

I nodded. “Right.”

* * *

Hours passed,and TJ was still unstable. After I grew sick of sitting in that chair, I stood up and walked around the hospital for a bit. I called Ray to update him on what had happened, just to have someone to talk to, and he insisted on cominghome.

“No way,” I told him, my hand wrapped around the key necklace. “You have a show in Portlandtomorrow.”

“I know, but over the weeks, I’ve listened to you tell me how important this guy is to you. If you needme…”

“I’m okay for now, I promise. The moment that changes, I’ll let you know. I just needed to talk to you, Iguess.”

“I’m glad you called, Snow. Always call. I’ll alwaysanswer.”

I agreed, and as we hung up, I headed to the cafeteria and grabbed three coffees. Walking back to the waiting area, I noticed Laura was off to the side talking to a nurse, and Elliott was in the same spot, with his head lowered as he stared at his claspedhands.

“Coffee?” I asked, handing one his way. “Cream and sugar is alreadyinside.”

He glanced up then back at his hands. “I don’t takesugar.”

“Oh, well, here.” I handed him my cup. “I drink itblack.”

“I’mgood.”

“Come on…” I nudged his arm. “We could all use theenergy.”

“I’mfine.”

“Eli…”

“I said I’m f-f…” He closed his eyes, and his hands made fists. I saw the pressure building up in him the same way it had when we were kids, the panic that was overtaking him as he tried to push out words. “I’m fine!” he snapped, making me jump back a bit. When he looked up and our eyes locked, I saw his truth—not his harsh reaction, but his sadness. He stared at me as if he were walking through a dream, uncertain of what hesaw.

It’s me,though.

He was seeing me, and I saw him right back, even though he tried tohide.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell…it’s just my wordssometimes…”

I nodded. “Iremember.”

He turned away again and murmured, “Th-thank you,anyway.”

“You’re welcome.” I sat back down, leaving a chair between us, because I knew that made him feel more comfortable. What probably didn’t make him feel comfortable was the amount of time I spent staring at him, but I couldn’t helpit.

Even with his hardness, he still looked likehome.

I wondered if he kept replaying our kiss in his head like I had the past few weeks. I wondered if I kept crossing his mind the way he crossedmine.

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