Page 67 of Behind the Bars

That was home tome.

It wasn’t a large gathering of individuals. My home was small, compact. Others would probably look at my home and think I was one of the unlucky ones, but I wasn’t. I was far from unlucky, because I always had that small home to return to if I ever needed a place to run. So many people in the world were homeless, with no one in their lives to turn to in a time ofneed.

If you had one person who’d catch you when you were crashing through life, you were blessed beyondmeasure.

After years of freefalling, I finally got too close to the ground. When I was terrified of crashing, there it was, waiting right there to catchme.

My home was there, ready to take me in with arms wide-open.

I walked out of Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport with nerves in my stomach and a racing heart that wouldn’t slow down. Each step was a step closer to the happiest times of my life. Each moment was a chance to startover.

I’d spent the past six years trying to make my mother happy, trying to achieve the dream she believed in, trying to make her proud. Each day I had failed, no matter how hard I tried, though I’d tried with every fiber of mybeing.

With time and heartache, I learned the hardest truth of life: you can’t force love to happen, no matter how hard you try. You can’t force someone to love you, to be proud of you, to care. The only thing you’re in control of is your own soul and discovering what makes your heartbeat.

It was now time for me to start putting myself first, even though that broke my heart because I still loved Mama so much. That was another hard life lesson: you can’t will love to go away. It stays as long as it pleases, with or without yourpermission.

As I stared across the way, I saw a face filled with love, one I’d been dying to see for the longest time. I dropped my bags on the sidewalk, took off running in his direction, and leaped into his arms, pulling him into the tightesthug.

He hugged me back tighter and whispered against my ear, “Hey, SnowWhite.”

I tried to fight the tears that fell from my eyes as I held him even closer. “Hey,Ray.”

He drove me to his apartment, which was triple the size of the one we’d stayed in before Mama and I left. It was beautiful, with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen as big as Texas, high ceilings, modern art, and expensivefurniture.

Ray carried my bags inside for me, and I couldn’t stopsmiling.

“So, it pays to go mainstream, huh?” I grinned. Over the years, Ray’s band had taken off, and they were doing amazing things with their musiccareer.

He smirked. “Semi-mainstream. There’s a difference. I’m not Adam Levine, but I’m a midlist successstory.”

“This looks more than midlist,Ray.”

He smiled. “It pays off when you connect with the right record company who doesn’t want to morph you into something you’re not and they still give you enough to buy a decent apartment. Come on, you can have the masterbedroom.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not taking the masterbedroom.”

“Snow, come on, I was just…” His words faded away as he turned to look at me. He crossed his arms and gave me a goofygrin.

“What isit?”

His eyes glassed over, and he placed his hands behind his neck. “You’re just so grown up, that’sall.”

I shifted around in my shoes and shook my head. “Ray, don’t make me cry. I’ve done way too much cryinglately.”

He nodded and sniffled a little. “It’s just…I’m so fucking happy you’rehere.”

I agreed. “Metoo.”

He grabbed the handles of my luggage and started back down the hallway. “But you’re taking the master bedroom—no ifs, ands, orbuts.”

I tried to disagree, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. The moment we walked into the room, I couldn’t even fight the tears. On the bed were six cards and six gift boxes wrapped in gold paper with silverbows.

“What’s this?” I askedhim.

He nudged me in the arm. “I missed six birthdays, so those are your sixgifts.”

“Oh, Ray,” I murmured, pulling him into another hug, and this time, crying into his T-shirt. “Thank you, for everything—for the gifts, the room, for taking mein.”

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