Page 20 of Behind the Bars

I gave him a you’re-full-of-it stare, and heshrugged.

“Just saying. Do this: find out her favorite song, okay? Then bring it back to me, and we’ll take it fromthere.”

“Whatfor?”

“You’ll see.” He shut off the fan and patted me on the back. “I think you’re all good to go now. Have a great showtonight.”

“Thanks.”

“And, buddy?” he called after me as I was almost outside the front door. “Take it slow. There’s no need to rush it. Let the harmony fall together the way it’s meant to. There’s nothing worse than a rushed note that could’ve been so perfect. Then, when you’re ready, call her beautiful, not hot, not sexy, but beautiful. They love to be calledbeautiful.”

Now that was the type of advice I was okay with receiving. Uncle TJ always knew what to say, even when I didn’t know I needed to hearit.

I waited on my front porch for Jasmine to show up. When she walked up to the house, I almost jumped out of my skin upon hearing a voice frominside.

“She’s cute!” Mom called from the living room window, peeringout.

“Mom! Go away!” I whisper-shouted, and she shook herhead.

“Okay, okay, but she’s so cute, Eli!” Mom replied before disappearing—at least she disappeared far enough to keep me from seeing her. If I knew my mom, she was finding some way to creep on the currentsituation.

“Hi,” I said to Jasmine as she walked up to me. She looked perfect, because she always lookedperfect.

“Hey,” she replied, sliding her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. We stood there for a second, just staring at one another with the sun beating down on us. When she smiled, I smiled. When I smiled, shesmiled.

And that’s about all wedid.

“Um, we should get to the b-bus stop,” I stuttered, nodding in the direction of the bus. She smiled and nodded in agreement. We stood on the corner, waiting for the city bus to pull up, and we had no words to exchange. The discomfort may have been in my head, but I hated the silence. Then again, I didn’t have a clue what tosay.

As the bus finally pulled up, I stepped to the side and nodded once, parting my lips, but no words came out.After you. Afteryou.

Say afteryou!

Nothing.

My ears started burning, and my mind went searching for the words that seemed to be missing from my tongue. “Go!” I finally said, except I didn’t say it—I shouted it. I shouted the word at her, and I hated it the second it left my mouth. It sounded aggressive, but it wasn’t supposed to. The aggression came from my own problems, but the word flew out as if I were snapping ather.

She gave me a smile that looked like a frown, and walked onto the bus. I took a deep breath and slapped my hand against my forehead before walking on, too. I slid into the seat beside her. My eyes blinked closed and I squeezed them tight, filling my lungs withair.

“I didn’t mean to yell,” I said softly. “I’m sorry.” I hated myself in that moment, because I’d seen the flash of panic race across her face when Ishouted.

“Was it because of your stuttering?” sheasked.

I nodded. “I knew what I wanted to say, but it just wouldn’t come out right. So, I just blurted that out. I’msorry.”

“Can I ask you aquestion?”

“Sure.”

“What does it feel like in your head when thathappens?”

“It feels like standing in front of a freight train, unable tomove.”

She turned away from me and stared out the window for a second before looking back my way. “I think your voice isbeautiful.”

I chuckled. “There’s nothing b-bbe—” No, not again.Beautiful.That was always a hard one. I couldn’t remember a time I was actually able to get that word out. There were many words I avoided altogether, and beautiful was at the top of the list. I shut my eyes, embarrassment building up in my gut as I tried to spit out a word that wasn’t going to work. Sweat gathered on my forehead, and I clawed my fingernails into the palms of myhands.

Jasmine’s hand landed on my leg, making me open my eyes, and there she was, smiling my way. “Your voice is beautiful, Elliott,” sherepeated.

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