Page 131 of Behind the Bars

“I know what it feels like to suffer. Plus, I couldn’t help but think, what if it were you who committed the act of hate? What if my child made that level of mistake? How would I deal with it? I’d know I’d blame myself. It’s the mother instinct. You overthink everything from day one. You live in guilt for everything from missing a school concert to forgetting to put the juice box in their lunch bag. If it were you behind bars… If I were never able to hold you again, I’d feel more imprisoned than anyone else. Marie is trapped in a world of loneliness and guilt for the remainder of her life. So, she needed today. I neededtoday.”

“We all needed today, I think,” Iagreed.

“How you helped her, how you held her… That was good. That was so, so good. Eli, you’re the best man I’ve everknown.”

“Well, ya know. Every good part of me exists because ofyou.”

After that night we started up our dinners together each week, growing closer each time. The more I learned about my mother, the more reasons she gave me to love her. One Sunday night as we sat at the dining room table, she looked up at me with that smile that matched mysister’s.

“I think we should expand our dinner nights,” she told me. “Invite others. Our family is big—we might as well all eattogether.”

I grinned. “We’re going to need a bigger table,” Ijoked.

“Let’s just host it at TJ’s house. He’ll loveit.”

Chapter Forty-Four

Jasmine

One morningafter I stayed at Elliott’s apartment, I rolled over in his bed to find him still sleeping. My hand had been wrapped around my key necklace as I stared at myemails.

Elliott stirred and then turned to face me. “Good morning,” he whispered. He wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me into the curve of hisbody.

“Goodmorning.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What’swrong?”

“What makes you think something’swrong?”

His mouth gently kissed the nape of my neck. “I know you, Jazz. What’swrong?”

“I heard back from mymom.”

He sat up, alert. “What?”

“Well, not from her directly. I wrote to Trevor and he said I should come out to talk tothem.”

“Really?” Elliott asked, cocking an eyebrow. “He was that easy about meeting withyou?”

“Well, not really. I might have lied to him and said I was thinking about trying for the record dealagain.”

“Jazz…” Elliott sighed. “Ijust—”

“It’s been months and I haven’t heard a word from her, Eli. She won’t see me. So, yeah, I lied, and it was wrong, but my mother won’t see me, and I need to try one last time.” I took a deep inhale. “I know it doesn’t make sense. I know that I’m probably an idiot for thinking that there’s something there that isn’tbut—”

“I’ll go withyou.”

“What?”

“You don’t ever have to explain to me why you’re doing what you’re doing. Do you think you need to dothis?”

“Yes.”

“Then okay. We’re doingthis.”

My hands raced through my hair. “You don’t have to do this. I can goalone.”

He gave me a stern look. “We don’t do things alone. Not anymore. Does Rayknow?”

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