Page 125 of Behind the Bars

She smiled. “Why? Is someone else sampling your chocolate thisafternoon?”

“Depends. Would that make you jealous?” Ijoked.

“Jealous? Please, I hardly like you.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re hardly even cute, anyway. You’re actually kind ofugly.”

“Oh, is that so?” I stood up and lifted her into my arms. She wrapped her legs aroundme.

“Where are you taking me?” sheasked.

“To take a shower with me so I can show you just how ugly I canbe.”

After we finished our shower, we got dressed, and just as we were about to leave the apartment, I got a call from Mom. “Hey, sorry we’re running behind a bit. I’m on my waynow.”

“That’s not it, Elliott,” she said, her voice soundingsomber.

“What’swrong?”

“I just need to talk to you. We need totalk.”

“On my way.” I grabbed my coat and my keys as Jasmine looked at me,concerned.

“What is it?” sheasked.

“I don’t know, but we gottago.”

* * *

We arrivedat TJ’s house, where he and Mom sat on the sofa. She brought us up to date with everything that was going on. “I should’ve told you right away, but I knew you two were out last nightand—”

“You should’ve told us right away,” I huffed, leaning against the doorframe with my armscrossed.

“I know, I know.” She nodded. “I’m sorry, I was just stunned. I didn’t even tell TJ until this morning, and he had me call you rightaway.”

“This isn’t your mother’s doing, Elliott. Just remember that,” TJsaid.

“They left a note?” Jasmine asked, reaching out toward Mom, taking the piece of paper. Her eyes danced across the words, and a weighted sigh fell from between herlips.

“Yes. It was in my mailbox yesterday afternoon. I wasn’t sure how to handle it…how tofeel.”

“Can I see?” I asked Jasmine. She stood up and walked it over tome.

Ms. Adams,

I know this is crossing the line, and I hope someday you will forgive me for crossing it. After everything your family has suffered, it is ill of me to even reach out to you, but I knew if I didn’t, I’d always sit with a pit of regret and guilt in my stomach for nottrying.

As you know, Todd is facing life in prison with no chance of parole. My son’s life is gone. He will spend the rest of his days behind bars for the act he committed six years ago. The day you lost your daughter, I, too, lost a child—definitely not to the same extreme as your loss, but still, there is a hollowness inside my entirebeing.

I wasn’t a goodmother.

I never showed up when I should have, and I focused too much on work to really give any type of love to my children. I grew up in a home where love wasn’t common, and I seemed to carry that down in the way I raised mychildren.

I left them to their own destruction because I never gave them anyorder.

I figured if I had survived growing up in a house that was never a home then my sons would be finetoo.

My older son was trouble, but not likeTodd.

Todd was reckless. He was screaming for years for his father and me to notice him, and we ignored his shouts. We figured he’d grow out of it. We’d figured he’d make his way to college, still rebel, but come out with a career, a wife, andchildren.

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