Page 114 of Behind the Bars

He slightly shrugged his shoulders. “The more they beat, the easier they break, but that’s the thing about you, Jasmine—I’ve been dead for six years now, and then you show up and remind me how good it feels to be alive, what it feels like to breathe again. Don’t you see why it’s so important that you exist? Don’t you see why the world needs you? Why the best decision your mother ever made was having you? You’re the music in a mute world, and my heart beats because you’rehere.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Jasmine

The connectionbetween Elliott and me grew each day, and I couldn’t have been happier about it. He was slowly opening up to me, to the world, and it was amazing to witness. TJ was also doing much better with his physical therapy, which was a blessing. Plus, he began training Elliott again, which brought TJ more peace of mind than anything else in theworld.

I still couldn’t get over how much Elliott had helped me shed light on my scars. I’d spent so much time pretending they didn’t exist, so to have him help open me in a way I hadn’t thought I could was amazing. He paused his life to help me navigate through mine, and when the time came for me to do the same for him, I wasready.

On the third Tuesday in January, I overslept by an hour and I hurried over to TJ’s house to switch places with Elliott so he could get to work. When I showed up, he was standing in front of his old house, staring blanklyahead.

“Hey, Eli,” I said, gently touching hisshoulder.

He turned around to see me and gave me a half-smile. “Hey.”

I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, trying to shake off the cold. I was shocked that he was standing there in a short-sleeved T-shirt and not freezing to death. “Youokay?”

“Yes.”

His body language told me differently. “Are yousure…?”

He nodded and cleared his throat, changing the subject. “TJ’s having a roughmorning.”

“Oh.” My gut tightened. “Because of the music? I really thought he was doing better, and his physical therapy is goingwell…”

Elliott stayed somber, and his forehead wrinkled. “It’s not themusic.”

“Oh? Then why is he having a roughmorning?”

“Because today’s the anniversary of the day Katiedied.”

“Oh my God, Elliott…” My heart leaped into my throat, and without thought, my hand landed on his forearm to give some type of comfort. “Are you okay?”What a stupid question to ask—of course, he’s notokay.

His head tilted down a little to stare at my touch against his skin, but for some reason I couldn’t let him go. He probably didn’t know it was happening. His mind swam in a sea of darkness as he stood there, and with my small touch I was able to witness the tiny tremble of his body as his sadness filled him up. He turned back to the house and stared. “I’m alwaysokay.”

“Elliott—”

“My mom is in there with him. She’s s-s-sad too, because of me.” He cleared his throat once more and pushed my arm away from him. “It’s my fa-fault they’re sad. It’s my fault she’sgone.”

He was slipping back into his guilt, back into the cage he’d locked himself in foryears.

“No. That’s not true,” I told him, my voicestern.

He inhaled sharply. “Can you look after them?” he asked. “Can you make sure they’reokay?”

“Ofcourse.”

“Thank you.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked over to hiscar.

“Elliott, where are yougoing?”

“To myapartment.”

“You shouldn’t be alonetoday.”

“Don’t worry about me.” He climbed into his car, not giving me one more word. As he started his engine and disappeared down the road, my heart began to break for him. He was so lost, so far from living life. He was merely sleepwalking throughit.

I understood that feeling more than heknew.

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