Page 19 of Heart of a Hero

Mark released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and gave a small, relieved chuckle. "Sure, bud. Let’s get dessert."

Mark’s mind wandered back to Benji’s innocent question as they finished their meal and moved on to dessert. The thought of dating hadn’t crossed his mind in a while until he’d met Karen. Now, with Benji’s simple observation hanging in the air, the image of Karen was firmly planted in his mind. A good person... a mom... beautiful...Jesus, he thought, his heart suddenly pounding. We haven’t even had a date yet.

After dinner, Mark cleaned the kitchen while Richard watched the news, and Benji headed upstairs to take a shower. “Soap and shampoo, bub. Not just water,” he reminded.

“I know, I know!” Benji yelled down the stairs.

Mark knew Benji would read in bed for a while, but he enjoyed their bedtime chats, even if he was no longer reading a story to his son. Sometimes, he missed those days of a younger Benji curled up next to him while he read. Walking into his son’s room, he grinned at Benji with pillows behind him, his bedside lamp on, and his face buried in a book.

“Dad,” Benji began, looking up.

Mark held his breath, wondering if he would be grilled more about dating someone. He settled on the side of the bed and gave his son his full attention.

Benji hesitated momentarily, then asked, “Do you think if Mom hadn’t died, she would be proud of me?”

Mark sucked in a quick breath through his nose, then let it out slowly, allowing the sucker punch to his gut to subside. Benji was only four when Sue passed away, and while most of Benji’s memories came from looking at photographs, he wondered how much Benji truly remembered of her. Benji didn’t ask about his mom often, but Mark always talked about her when Benji had questions. His gaze moved to the framed photograph of the three of them standing on Benji’s nightstand.

Looking back at the seriousness on Benji’s face, he wanted to choose the right words carefully. “Did you know your mom knew you were a boy before they officially told us?”

Benji’s eyes widened. “How?”

“Neither of us cared if you were a boy or a girl as long as you were healthy. But your mom had a sixth sense when it came to you. She said she dreamed about you and had already picked the name Benjamin. I wondered if she would be disappointed if you turned out to be a girl, but as soon as the doctor confirmed you were a boy, she just laughed and said she felt it all along.”

Benji was still staring intently but now had a smile playing about his lips.

“She loved you before you were born. And when you were placed in her arms, I’ve never seen a look like that in my life. It was pure love. It was the same feeling that I felt when I looked at you. And every day, she loved you.” He sighed heavily. “It broke my heart to lose your mom, but she had given me the greatest gift in the world, and that was you. Believe me, she’s looking down at you right now, grinning because you areeverythingshe knew you could be. So yes, she would be andisso proud of you.”

Benji continued to smile, but a little sigh left his lips. “Good. I can see and hear you, Dad, so I know you’re proud of me. I just wanted to make sure that Mom would be, too.”

As his son threw his arms around Mark's neck, he held him close, breathing him in. “Never doubt that… not my love or hers.”

When they separated, Benji seemed satisfied, and Mark stood and walked to the door. “Lights out in fifteen minutes, kiddo.”

Gaining Benji’s nod, Mark headed downstairs. Richard took one look at his face and flipped off the TV. Mark sat on the sofa, then scrubbed his hand over his beard.

Richard chuckled. “You okay, Son? Or did Benji catch you so off guard you don’t know what to think?”

Mark shook his head. “He goes from baseball to talking about me dating and him getting a new mom, and then upstairs, he asked if his mom would be proud of him.”

Richard’s brows lifted at that, and he peered at Mark over the rims of his eyeglasses. “Wow… I never know what’s gonna come out of his mouth. He’s so smart, and he thinks things through. But I gotta tell you, I’m glad he’s asking you those questions instead of me. I’d probably start bawling like a baby!”

Mark snorted. “I almost did.”

The two sat in comfortable silence for a moment, and then Mark looked over. “What would you say if I told you I’ve met someone… and… I want to ask her out?”

“Damn, if this isn’t a night for surprises, I don’t know what is!”

Mark nodded. “Her name is Karen. She’s a home health nurse. She’s a widow with two daughters a little older than Benji.” His dad just nodded, so he continued. “I just met her a couple of weeks ago at Brad’s place. She was checking on Bess.” He shook his head. “It was weird, Dad. As soon as I met her, I felt something awaken in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Not since…”

“Not since you met Sue,” his dad finished for him.

Nodding, Mark sighed. “Yeah. Then we met at the AL meeting and spent a long time talking afterward.”

“You know we’ve talked about grief before… You’ll never get over Sue’s death, just like I won’t ever get over your mom’s passing. But, Son, I’m glad to hear you’ve met someone. She must be a wonderful woman for you to want to take her on a date.”

A smile slipped over Mark’s face, and he shook his head slowly. “It’s just a date, and God knows if it would ever become more. With all I have in my life and all she has in hers? I don’t have a clue how any of this works. Sue and I met when I was out of the military and just starting to work as a police officer. Meeting… dating… that all seemed easier in my twenties, not at almost forty!”

“Maybe life was easier back then. You were fortunate to find a good woman, have a good marriage, and have a beautiful child. But that doesn't mean your future has to be based on what you had. You have a lot more life to live, Son. And I’d like to see you live it to your fullest. If that’s alone raising Benji, then that’ll be more than enough. But if someone out there… another good woman… needs you as much as you need her… then that’ll be a good thing, too.”

---