Page 85 of If It Can't Be Us

Having her on my arm, even as a friend, has been a blast. We’ve spent the evening laughing together; I love that she finds my jokes funny and that I can’t help but laugh with her.

We just finished our dinner on our private yacht, which was beyond delicious. We have the elaborate dining room all to ourselves. I’d arranged for a playlist of some of Vivian’s favorite music to play in the background, featuring some of her favorite British artists. The room is filled with flower arrangements and lit candles, creating a romantic atmosphere. It’s a perfect setup, and I have to give myself props. If she were my girlfriend, I’d for sure be getting lucky tonight.

It’s almost eight, and the Eiffel Tower should be lighting up soon.

“Do you want to go outside?” I ask.

“Yes, that sounds great.”

I fill our wine glasses and we step outside. She grabs my elbow and links her arm with mine as we walk to the middle of the deck, standing by the railing. It’s chilly, so I slip off my suit jacket and drape it around her, brushing her shoulders gently to warm her.

“Always the gentleman,” she says sincerely, smiling. “It’s beautiful out here.”

We stand in silence watching the river, the city glowing behind it. Bands play along the steps by the river, and people dance. The river is calm and steady.

I glance at my watch. “Look over there,” I say, pointing toward the Eiffel Tower.

Ten-seconds later, it lights up, sparkling as its reflection shimmers on the river.

“Wow,” she whispers, placing her hand on her chest and toying with her necklace. “That’s incredible,” she adds, a soft laugh escaping her lips. She slips her hand into mine and gives it a squeeze. I squeeze it back, a small smile tugging at my lips. The quiet stretches on for several minutes, a comfortable silence, just like old times.

She takes a sip of her wine, and finally breaks the silence. “Do you think Ben knows I’m here?” she whispers, her voice tinged with a longing for reassurance.

“Sure he does,” I reply. “Yeah, Viv, he knows.”

She takes a deep, shaky breath. “I always imagined him being here with me the first time I saw the Eiffel Tower,” she says, looking up at me. “I know we already saw it the other day, but seeing it like this, it’s like experiencing it for the first time again.”

I listen quietly, sipping my wine, sensing she needs this moment to work through her thoughts.

“I pictured us standing in awe, looking up at it, holding hands, taking it all in. This picturesque, magical moment, and then he would pull me in and kiss me, and we’d make out right there, not caring if people stopped to watch,” she laughs, shaking her head. “Stupid dreams… I’m sorry,” she says, glancing at me. “I didn’t mean to talk about Ben right now.” She turns her body close to mine. “I’m glad you’re here, Leo.” She places her hand on the side of my arm and gives it a slight rub.

There’s a yearning in her eyes, whether for Ben, her dreams, or maybe for me—I can’t tell, and at the moment, I don’t care. I pull her close by the waist and press my lips to hers. I kiss her slowly, deliberately, and then pull away, locking eyes with her.

She gasps, “What was that for?” Her voice is soft.

“I just wanted you to have your perfect moment,” I say, searching her eyes for any sign of upset. “I know I’m not Ben, and I know you’re with Nick. I just wanted you to have your kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Vivian’s eyes narrow, and her lips press into a thin line. She shakes her head, almost scowling, as if she’s disappointed. “Don’t say that,” she says, her voice trembling slightly. “Don’t say it doesn’t mean anything.”

I furrow my brows. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not with Nick, Leo,” she takes our wine glasses and sets them on the ground, along with my jacket. “We aren’t exclusive… and we haven’t slept together, so please, don’t downplay this moment when I want it to mean something so badly.” She wraps her hands around my neck and pulls me to her, crushing her lips to mine. We kiss deeply, our tongues taunting one another.

She pulls back, staring into my eyes, waiting for my reaction. The gentle sway of the yacht on the Seine is nothing compared to the storm inside me. Vivian holds me close, her breath warm against the cool air as she whispers against my lips, “It’s you, Leo. It’sbeenyou.”

Her words send a shockwave through me, erasing any lingering doubts. I’ve been soaking in every detail of her appearance all night; I can’t resist her anymore, and I don’t want to. I kiss her again, hard—pouring all my emotions into this moment. She responds with equal fervor, her fingers tangling in my hair.

Pulling away again, her eyes search mine. “Hey,” she says, taking a deep breath, “can I call in my favor?”

I look at her, confused.

“Will you please not stop this time?” she asks delicately, a smile slowly forming on her lips as her eyes lock onto mine. “It can be just this one time… just sex,” she continues, her voice trembling slightly. “I won’t expect anything more from you. Please… I trust you. Help me move forward.”

Holy shit. This is it. Vivian’s in a good place; she trusts me… wants me—and I’veneverwanted anything more. I feel the last of my resolve crumble.

“Vivian,” I murmur, my voice a mix of desire and hesitation. “You really sure about this?” I pull her closer, eliminating the space between us. The warmth radiating from her body seeps into me, making my heart pound faster and harder.

She nods, her eyes unwavering. “Yes, I’m sure.”

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