Page 28 of If It Can't Be Us

Damn, she’s so good at putting hard things aside and not letting them ruin her mood. It’s one of the things I like about her so much. She never stays sour. I smile back at her.

“But also, Leo, I’m not closed off to sex. For me, sex has always been special and meaningful. I feel it’s something that should be shared with someone you care about. I know not everyone feels that way, and I don’t judge anyone who feels differently. It’s just all I’ve ever known. It's about what feels right for me.” She pauses, searching my face for a reaction. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need it to be with someone I have a connection with. It doesn’t have to be love, just someone I like and trust. And until I find that, I’m okay waiting.”

I nod, appreciating her honesty. “I get that. Everyone has their own way of looking at things. What matters is that you’re true to yourself.”

Watching her open up about something so personal, I can’t help but admire her. It’s rare to find someone who holds onto their values so strongly. It makes me think about how different we are, and yet, how much I enjoy being around her.

She smiles, relief evident in her eyes. “Thanks, Leo. That means a lot. And until then, I’ve got an excellent shower head and many vibrators to keep me company.” Her eyes widen playfully as she raises her eyebrows in a daring challenge.

I laugh, surprised by her candor. “Good for you, Walker.” I give her a nod of approval, “I’m glad you’ve got a backup plan.”

God, that’s fucking hot.

Vivian gets up to refill her water.

“Oh, hey, I forgot to ask you,” I say, following her to the counter, and sliding into a stool. “I’m making reservations tomorrow at The Red Door for Michael’s birthday, the weekend after next. Do you want to come? It’s a bloody cool speakeasy, just a small gathering. I’d love to introduce you to some of my friends.”

“What day?”

“Saturday the 21st.”

She picks up her phone to check her calendar. “Yeah, I can make that work. You sure I should go? I don’t know anyone, and it seems like an intimate gathering.”

“Yes, I promise you’re more than welcome. It’s something I’ve planned anyway. I know the owner, so he’s reserving a table for us. I want you to come. Don’t worry, it’ll be fun.”

“Okay, I’ll plan on it.”

* * * * ** * * * *

Two Days Later

I roll over, my breathing ragged. Myguest, Amanda, heads to the bathroom to clean up.

My phone dings with a text. It’s late, almost midnight. I pick it up. It’s Vivian.

Vivian:Are we on for our run in the morning?

Leo:Yes, planning on it.

Vivian:6:30?

Leo:Do you mind going a little later? I’m “entertaining” this evening. Don’t know when my guest is leaving, but I can for sure make 8:30 work.

She sends an eye-roll emoji.

Vivian:Fine. I’ll see you at 8:30. Don’t be late or I’ll leave your ass.

Leo:I wouldn’t dream of it, Walker. Go to bed, you’re up past your bedtime.

I send a winking emoji at the end of the text.

She doesn’t respond.

Amanda comes back to the bed, and I take my turn in the bathroom. We end up going again around one in the morning, and she leaves sometime between two and three. I close my eyes and get as much sleep as possible before my alarm wakes me at eight.

* * * * ** * * * *

“You’re like Ryan Gosling’s character inCrazy, Stupid, Love,” she says between breaths.

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