Page 25 of If It Can't Be Us

“Maybe a little.” I cross my arms.

It’s the truth. I am jealous—jealous that he can approach life so effortlessly and sleep with whomever he pleases without it being anything but a second thought.

“I was joking,” he states.

“I’m not,” I say seriously.

A moment of silence passes as we each take a bite.

“Martial arts? That’s random,” I say, steering the conversation back. “How’d you get into that?”

“Andrew and I got into jiujitsu in our teenage years and instantly fell in love with it. I found it incredibly grounding; it always helped me achieve mental clarity and focus. It’s excellent for decompressing after a stressful week, and the rigorous training keeps me in shape too.”

“Oh yeah, your, um…” I shift in my seat for added dramatics. “Sorry,” I scowl and shake my head in mock frustration. “I’m just imagining you again without half your clothes, and… I’m having trouble gathering my thoughts. It all makes sense now, how you’re in such great shape.” I give him anI’m a badassgrin.

He leans forward. “You’re walking a very dangerous line,” he says softly, his eyes scanning me up and down as if he’s ready to pounce. I’m not sure if I don’t want him to.

There it is again. Goddammit. I’m turned on. I feel a pulsing between my thighs, my stomach fluttering with anticipation, and my breath catching.

I clear my throat, searching for something to say. “You said you have two siblings: your brother, Andrew, and who else?”

The waitress arrives with the check, and he glances at his watch. “Don’t you have to get back to work?”

I check my watch. “Shit. I do.”

“I’ve got this. You can go if you need to.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.” He stands to say goodbye and gives me a hug. “Let’s do this again, yeah?”

“Yeah. Let’s. Thank you for lunch.” I walk away, feeling unsettled. Just when I think I’m getting close to understanding Leo, something throws me off. He seems to avoid the topic of his family, yet he did mention his brother today, and even his dad, briefly. It’s frustrating, but it also leaves me wanting to get to know him.

* * * * ** * * * *

Friday, September 23

One Month Later

I’m in my home office. A satisfied smile spreads across my face as I step back to admire the blueprints scattered across the table. Each line and detail seems to fall perfectly into place, reflecting the Marionis’ vision. I can’t help but feel a surge of pride at the thought of presenting this to them on Monday.

Just as I’m contemplating adding more windows to the sitting room to maximize natural light, I’m interrupted by the unmistakable sounds of sex coming from Leo’s house—something I’m becoming accustomed to. The rhythmic moans and occasional thuds make it impossible to focus.

“Ugh!” I groan, absentmindedly banging against the shared wall, knowing it will just provoke him.

Sure as shit, he responds with a purposeful fist bang, and it infuriates me even more.

Am I jealous? Yeah, probably. Do I wish I was having wild, spontaneous sex that wakes the neighbors? Most definitely.

I put my AirPods in and turn on one of my playlists, drowning out the noise. It’s a typical Friday night, and it’s not unusual for Leo to bring someone back to his house either Friday or Saturday. It’s not every weekend, but over the past month, this has happened at least three times. Who knows if there are more that I don’t hear. I don’t ask about it. I’m not sure if I want to know.

I work for another hour before I tire and turn in for the night. I’m restless, tossing, and turning for at least an hour before sleep finally claims me.

* * * * ** * * * *

Leo has his arms wrapped around my waist, staring into my eyes. He takes a hand and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. I moisten my lips and stare at his mouth. He leans forward slowly, savoring every moment before our lips touch. He meets them with anticipation and longing. I return the kiss with passion and fervor. We’re now in my bed, naked and passionately making love. His hands wander up and down my body, then slowly move down, down, down… My body arches in anticipation…

Abruptly, I wake up. I blink, a pulse of desire deep in my core. “Agh!” I moan into my pillow, sexually frustrated. Did I just have a wet dream? No, this was a cruel dream—a sex dream involving my next-door neighbor, leaving me needing and wanting. I tap on my phone. 5:15 AM. My alarm is set for six, and I see no point in trying to go back to sleep. I debate getting out my vibrator, but I get up instead. I put on my Lululemon yoga pants and sports bra, and walk up to my rooftop patio to do my yoga. The mornings have become chilly, but I find them invigorating.

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