Page 19 of Deception & Desire

I can’t reply for fear of the sob that threatens to burst from my chest.

I’m not entirelysure how I got here. One second, I was getting into my car, the next, I was getting out of it.

The front door is unfamiliar but overwhelmingly grand as I stand before it. I feel so ridiculously fragile that even the act of knocking feels like it could be enough to tip me over into my misery.

I hear footsteps and use whatever is left of my resilience to brace myself for what comes next.

The door opens, and…

“Mia?”

Cassandra’s eyes are wide with concern, matching, with almost scary similarity, the infant balancing on her hip.

I swallow hard. “Can I?—”

I’m cut off by my friend slamming into me, her free arm pulling me in close.

The dam breaks.

The sobs tear through my body like a freight train, unrelenting in their brutality. There are more than a few moments that I think I might completely collapse if it wasn’t for Cas propping me up.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she says soothingly as she rubs my back. “Come on, come inside. That’s it.”

I let her lead me in, somewhat dizzy from the effort of dispelling a horrendous amount of water from my eyes. If I wasn’t so exhausted, I might have felt slightly embarrassed.

But Cas remains, first and foremost, my best friend, and perhaps the only person on the planet that I feel comfortable enough to be comforted by.

“Denise!” Cas calls out, and the stern British woman seems to materialize out of thin air. “Will you take Cory back to his room?”

The sweet-faced baby makes grabby hands at his mother as Denise extracts him, and Cas leads me to a couch.

I can’t look her in the eye as she sits next to me, mainly because I’m still crying, but also because I know as soon as I look at her again, her sympathy will only make it worse.

“I’ll get you some water,” she says after a moment, going to stand. “Or do we need something stronger?”

“Water is f-fine,” I manage to choke out.

She says nothing more as she leaves me there on her far too comfortable couch. Alone in her new living room, I find myself picking up my legs and lying down properly—covering myself with a blanket.

Never have I ever felt sorrier for myself. Everything that’s happened these last few days batters me over and over again.

The Guild catching up to me. The threat against my father’s life. Agreeing to marry Leon Natali. Agreeing to have his children. The lying, then sleeping with him. How good it felt in the moment and how awful it felt in the morning.

I can’t help but look back and try to come up with a scenario where none of this happened.

If I had been more subtle with my mercenary work…if I’d stepped away from this life when I had the chance, none of this would have happened.

At some point, Cas returns with both water and whiskey and sits on the end of the couch, lifting my head up to rest it on her knee.

Her fingers softly stroke through my hair as the tears continue to flow and flow and flow.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers over and over.

“It’s not your fault,” I manage eventually. “It’s my fault.”

Her fingers stop their soothing motions. “Well, that’s absolutely not true.”

“It is, though. If I’d just agreed to join the Guild before all of this, I would never have been forced to marry that lying asshole. I can’t even think about being in the same room as him again, let alone…” my breathing catches, and I cry again.

---