I can’t end my sentence. My chest constricts at the thought of Cal one day looking at me with disgust in his eyes.
He pulls back, his eyes locked on mine. “I don’t think. I know. I love you, April. I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you. It’s like you’re the air that I breathe, my world feels empty when you’re not around.” He shakes his head. “I thought I was going to suffocate when I found you’d left the party.” The sincerity in his tone shocks me.
“But what if it’s not enough?” I say, cupping his cheek, watching as he presses his head into it, closing his eyes. “I’ve survived many things, but the thought of watching the love you’re showing me now, fade and die. I’m not sure I can survive that.” My voice catches and despair engulfs me. “I’ve been alone so many times in my life. For the first time I feellike I’ve found somewhere, a home. Now after today… I won’t be a burden.”
When Cal’s eyes open, the steeliness I see there shocks me. “My beautiful little dancer, you have no idea how powerful my family is. When I tell you, he will not bother you again, I mean it. Crawley’s a creep. He won’t get away with threatening you or my family.”
My eyes must widen, because his face softens, and he smiles at me. “Unlike Crawley, we don’t abuse our power. But we do protect ourselves and those we love.” He takes my head in his hands. “I need you to trust me.”
My mind wanders back to Elijah in the hallway. Crawley was scared. I assumed it was the man’s towering presence that intimidated him, but now I’m beginning to wonder. Crawley hadn’t expected his threats to be overheard.
“I will protect you. You just need to give me a chance. I want you to trust me, trust in us. Let me prove how much you mean to me.”
I break eye contact, drawing in a deep breath.
“I’ll trust you,” I say, “But, Cal. All this, you and me. There are things you don’t know.”
He draws my hand up to his mouth, turning it over and placing a kiss against my palm. “I’ll never hold your past against you,” he says quietly. “We all have to do things to survive. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of. You’re a survivor.” He takes my chin in his hand and tilts it, so our eyes once again connect. “You should be proud of all you’ve done, all you’ve achieved.”
His smile shoots arrows through my heart. Melting the surrounding ice.
“I know you used the money you earned from dancing to fund the studio. Why do you think I was so willing to bend over backwards to help you keep it? You deserve a break. All the good you’ve done, all the children you’ve helped. It was time someonehelped you. Please don’t give up on us, over some incorrect sense of self-preservation or before we’ve had a chance.”
I grip the hand holding my chin, and squeeze. “I’m not giving up. I won’t do that. But you can’t deny we’re intense.”
He smirks at my words, and I raise an eyebrow. “The trip back in the car gave me time to think. Crawley opened the door to things I locked away. I’m on a rollercoaster, Caleb, and there’s no way off. My life is charging ahead of me. I need space, time to think. I can’t do that here.”
“That sounds like a goodbye.”
I glance down as he interlocks our fingers before meeting his gaze.
“Not goodbye. Space. We need to talk. I want to be transparent with you. About my life and my past.” I sigh when he tilts his head. “I never sold my body. Stripping was one thing, but I couldn’t…”
He pulls me into his arms. “I’ve not been a saint,” he says. “You know that. I can’t say I’m not glad you didn’t have to do that. But I would not have held it against you. I’ve only read about your life. I can’t imagine how scary it was living it, trying to survive on your own at such a young age.”
“It’s why Samuel is so important to me. He was always there. Like a big brother. We looked out for each other.”
Cal moves to the bed next to me, his arms engulfing me as I drop my head against his chest. Letting the past drift away, at least for now. Choosing to trust the man who tells me I’ve stolen his heart. Knowing without a doubt, he’s stolen mine.
“I can’t stay here,” I admit. “If I do, then I’ll end up in your bed.”
I feel his lips press against my hair.
“What I need is time to process, time to find myself. Ensure you’re right. That there won’t be any blow back onyour family.” I pull back and look up. I know it’s the last thing he wants.
Cal drops his chin to his chest and closes his eyes. A silence descends.
When he raises his head, his lost expression breaks my already wounded heart. It’s my turn to cup his face. I place my lips against his in a chaste kiss. “If we are going to survive, I need to do so from an even footing. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet.”
“Is it so wrong I want to take away all your problems, protect you?” he asks quietly.
“No. But that would be the easy option for me. In the past few months, I’ve learned a lot about myself. What I want and who I want to be. As you’ve said yourself. I’m a survivor, but that’s all I’ve ever done. Survived one crisis after another. What I want to do now is take charge, control my own destiny.”
“And you can’t do that with me by your side?”
The uncertainty on his face is surprising. My playboy, Caleb, looking insecure. I never thought I’d see the day.
My eyes widen, is that what he thinks.