Page 37 of The Outlaw and the Heir

I turned away from him, knowing full well he was the sort of person to look into my eyes and ferret out what was going oninside my head. It was enough that he’d already played a part in the events that led to this...total confusion. I didn't need him to be a party to its effects on me. I knew better than to let him see any more of my vulnerable parts. Sure, he wasn't as awful as I’d thought when first dealing with him, but I knew he wasn't against using anything to his advantage if he felt the need.

And I knew better than to think I understood him well enough to predict when he would feel the need.

The sound of the river was almost too loud as I sat there staring into the distance, wondering just where that left me. I had given in to the desire of my traitorous body and thrown away my ethics and morals, allowing someone who was still an enemy to get the better of me and see me at one of the most vulnerable moments a man could be in.

Which begged the question. He’d had me at my most vulnerable. Why not take advantage? Was it just because his chances of survival outside the ranch without support were too low? Or was it another maneuver on his part? Blackmail wasn't out of the question, but why risk himself if he was going to use the act against me? Well...probably because he was already a prisoner at my supposed mercy, he already had little to lose, but he could certainly do a great deal of damage to me before going down.

At my glance, he rolled his eyes. “Good God, has anyone ever told you that when you're not trying to hide your expression, you're as easy to read as a child's book?"

I scrambled to fix my face and scowled when I heard him snort, indicating he knew what I was doing. "Then what was I thinking?"

"Look," he said with a sigh, leaning back in the water, which hid his body from sight, but somehow, that bit of mystery only made the idea of seeing it again sprawled out before me more enticing. "I won't tell you not to be suspicious of me. As far asyou're concerned, I'm just an outlaw since you know I'm wanted here and back in my hometown, and figure I'm wanted a bunch of other places as well. But if there's one thing I won't do, it's rat you out for what just happenedoruse it against you."

Ergh, I knew he was good at reading people, but it was still disarming to have him do it to me repeatedly with unnerving accuracy and consistency.

"And why would I believe that?"

"Well, you could believe that even someone willing to break the law hasn't thrown off all sense of morality. Aside from the fact that ratting you out or blackmailing you for something like this disgusts me, there's also the fact that I have no motivation to do it."

"A man who breaks the law so easily doesn't get the benefit of the doubt. It just means I was right about you."

"And what's that?"

"That you work by your own rules. And before you say it, it doesn’t mean I don't like that sort of thing. Idon'tlike knowing what to expect. You might not be an evil man, but that doesn't mean you're not dangerous. Especially when I don't know what to expect from you."

He chuckled, raising his cupped hands to trickle water over his head. "I can respect someone who's honest about themselves. I'll be the first to admit that I look at your attitude as a lazy way to navigate the world."

"It's simpler."

"It's easy."

"So?"

"And my life hasn't been simple or easy for a long time, and no, before you say anything, that isn't all my fault. And it didn't start because of any failure or wrongdoing on my part," he said, bringing the water to his face and concealing his expression."And if it makes you feel any better, there is one thing you're forgetting."

"What's that?"

"I'm what one would call a consummate survivor. So, while you might still worry about blackmail, you shouldn't. I'm not going to throw myself in harm's way on thechancethat it might get me what I want. There’s too much risk and not a high enough chance of success, and despite current circumstances, I still have every intention of changing my situation. Justnotin a way that's stupid and risky."

"Heh," I grunted, almost chuckling. "Ya never struck me as a gambling man for whatever reason, but now I guess I know why."

"I am many things to different people, but I am not so stupid and impulsive as to throw away my life like it's a cheap trinket," he said, eyeing me with a smirk. "And I've grown a little fond of you, as infuriating, stubborn, and dramatic as you can be. There are some things to be fond of. I suppose I can add everything you hide under your clothes to that list, but there are...other things."

It was a vague and slightly unsettling explanation, but it made sense on some level and comforted me on another. Not that I necessarilywantedhim to be fond of me, but maybe that wasn't strictly true either. I pushed the thought aside before I thought about it too hard. Everything was confusing enough without adding the desire to wonder why being fond of me might be something I wanted in the mix.

"Well," I said, clearing my throat, "I reckon that would make sense."

He chuckled. “Yes, yes, I know. The practical reason is something you can sink your teeth into and accept more readily. I wonder how long it will take for the other reasons to sink in and how long after that before you actually deal with it."

I frowned. “What?"

He shook his head. “Nothing, just thinking aloud, I guess. Are you comforted? Or at least not thinking of the worst things that could happen now?"

Not exactly, but the storm had settled in my head for now. It still left a lot unanswered and unexplored, but at least I didn't believe he was waiting for the opportunity to put a knife in my back. My only answer was to watch him as he sat up, watch the sunlight glimmer off his wet shoulders, and feel the dull echo of the hunger I’d felt before. Dull but not gone. I could feel the potential for it to grow right beneath the surface, as if all it wanted was permission from me or the right thing to happen to start building again.

Welcoming it would have been a bad idea, but however dull it was, the feeling was potent enough that I could feel the temptation to stoke those embers again. Being with Samuel like that had been...overwhelming in a way that was intoxicating and terrifying in equal measure. I had believed that my first time being with another man had been an almost out-of-body experience, but it didn't compare to what Samuel had done to me.

I had lost control, and it had changed me into someone I didn't recognize. Well, that wasn't strictly true. Deep down, hadn't that part of me always been there, waiting for the right moment to come out? The part of me that was hungry, that craved pleasure above anything else I could ever want? That chased the pleasure as readily as I had, eager to discover everything there was to discover, to learn whatever he had to teach me.

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