Page 30 of Passion and Payback

“Please,” he said, his lip trembling as his eyes darted between the blade and my face. “Please, don’t.”

Hearing him plead for his life while he and his buddies had laughed like demons when I had done the same, shattered the restraint that had been hanging by the barest thread. It was the final key to breaking open the gate of hatred inside me that I’d been nursing and restraining. Not just for the past couple of years but my entire life. I had been dealt shit hand after shit hand, and even when I clawed my way out of the shit heap, someone or something always found a way to push me back down into the muck.

Not today.

Never again.

I was finally going to be the one who came out on top, and that meant splattering the ground and his torso with his blood as I drove the knife into him over and over again. His attempts to fight me off grew weak as he slumped, a pitiful whimper escaping his lips as he lay there.

When it was over, there was an ache in my arm, as if I’d benched too much weight rather than turned this man into a living knife block. The iron-rich smell of blood mingled with something far fouler that I faintly wondered was the contents of his stomach. It was impossible to tell what I had punctured with my stabbing, but it would probably be better to guess what Ihadn’tmanaged to stab.

Blood pooled around him, his eyes staring up at the sky. Not that he would see anything, not anymore. Unless there was an afterlife, of course, and if there was, I hoped he was enjoying hell if there was even the smallest iota of justice left in the world. Otherwise, his body would lie in the alley until someone saw it, and there wasn’t much chance of that, considering we were far enough back.

I stared at him and then down at my hands. The knife was still clenched in my fist, the blade and my hands smeared with thick blood that almost glittered in the light from the sign. Youcouldn’t tell that the mess before me had once been a human. Even though I knew there was no point, I wondered how many times I’d stabbed him.

Faintly, I wondered why I felt no panic or horror at what I’d just done and what was before me. I had killed a man, stabbed him repeatedly, ignoring the signs of his life, bleeding out with his blood. Not only that, I enjoyed watching his fear grow until it was the only thing in his eyes before he finally died. I hoped he hadn’t had a moment of respite from that fear. His last moments deserved to be filled with nothing but pain and terror.

But no, there was no panic, no horror, not even the slightest fear at what I’d done with only the barest hesitation. Instead, I only felt calm inside me, which I hadn’t felt in over two years. I faintly wondered what it said about me, the real me under all the layers and protections I had put up, that I could kill someone so easily and find myself unbothered by it.

“Shock,” I muttered, looking up at the glowing sign. It was casting enough illumination that if someone should walk past, they would be able to see the bloody disaster I had created. It was that same light that had allowed someone to see me as I crawled for help, and now it could get me in trouble.

A thick piece of pipe lay on the ground, partially covered in dirt and grit. I grabbed it, took it in both hands and swung at the sign. The crunch was barely heard over the sound of a passing truck, and when the light flickered out, I set the pipe back on the ground, leaving it there to be forgotten.

So, that left me with a corpse I had created sitting with me in the dark. Only if someone came strolling down the alley with a flashlight would they be able to make out anything. My eyes, however, were adjusting to the new gloom, and I could still see perfectly fine. I had a body, a knife, and blood all over the place.

The real question was…what was I going to do now?

KAI

“Damn it!” I growled at the phone when it went to voicemail again, hurling it onto the couch. It bounced off and slid to the floor with a clatter, sending three cats sprinting in different directions. I winced, realizing I could have hit one of the damn things, and then I would have been a Grade-A asshole. “Answer your phone!”

It had been over two hours since Hunter left the club. I’d thought he’d get some fresh air and return to his place, but clearly, he had other plans. At least, I hoped it was because he’d come up with a different idea. I was trying to think about anything but him being waylaid by something else.

It wasn’t helped by the guilt stewing away in my gut like acid. I had been so caught up in the moment I’d let my senses slip. I had been standing there, feeling awkward and out of place but entirely enraptured by Hunter. He had always been good at having a good time, even when his life wasn’t great. The number of times I’d seen him get someone to laugh or make a situation brighter while sporting a new bruise was beyond counting.

Tonight, I finally saw the old Hunter surface again. He had managed to throw away all the cares and worries of the pastcouple of years and let himself have a good time. It was a side of him I’d missed dearly, and watching him dance had been more intoxicating than the drinks.

It felt like everything was on fire as he danced, his body pushed against mine. I had always been so careful to minimize our physical contact. There was no need to tempt fate after all. Yet tonight, I had thrown caution to the wind and let it happen. It only made it more tempting when I stared at his face and realized how badly I wanted to kiss him.

Stupid is what I’d been, selfish and stupid. Hunter, by his own admission, was just starting to feel like a normal person again and I had turned around and kissed him. The same man who had been dealing with the loss of his boyfriend, the same one who had been avoiding all intimate contact with anyone. I had seen that and apparently decided tonight was the night I needed to kiss him.

“Damn it,” I groaned, sinking into the chair in the living room and gripping my forehead. As much as I wanted to apologize profusely for what I’d done, I would settle for him making it back in one piece. I couldn’t say for sure, but I suspected he wasn’t in a very good place. There had been a far-off look in his eyes among the panic and fear, and I was pretty sure there had also been some guilt.

One of the cats perked her head up from the chair, ears swiveling toward the glass wall. I glanced in that direction and tensed when I heard the thunk of the inner apartment door closing. Standing up, I listened closely for the sounds of the locks and frowned when I didn’t hear them.

Remembering my promise to him, I made a noise as I got up from the chair and walked heavily into the hallway. I came to a stop when I saw someone standing by the door. The bright shorts gave away that it was Hunter, but somewhere in the past couple of hours, he had managed to grab a huge hoodie. Like notjust big, but practically dangling to his knees as he stood with his back to me, staring at…the door?

“Hunter?” I said softly, approaching him with enough noise so he knew I was coming. “Are you okay?”

“How much…did you pick up?” he asked quietly, his shoulders hunched and his head bowed.

“I…what?”

“You said you picked up things from the medics in the military. How much did you pick up?”

“Shit, what happened?”

He turned finally, his hands shoved into the front of the hoodie. What I saw in his face turned my guts to ice water as I stared at him, wondering what could have possibly given him those dark circles and that gaze that said that while he was here physically, he was mentally miles away.

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