Page 58 of Passion and Payback

“You know,” I said slowly, smiling at him. “Sometimes I forget how connected to human nature you can be. So yes, I wanted to be wanted.”

“Well,” he said, leaning over the table and dropping his voice to a soft rumble. “You have a nice ass—a nice dick. Your body is hot, and seeing you naked earlier was the greatest thing I’ve seen in years. So, how does that make you feel?”

“I definitely shouldn’t get up from this seat anytime soon,” I said with a snort. “And I’m thinking about a different kind of dessert after the actual one.”

“So soon?” he asked, brow raising. “Didn’t think you’d be down.”

“Why? Because of my…issue?”

He gave me a dirty look. “Your understandable issue.”

I smiled in return. “Look, what we did was…more than I ever thought I’d ever be able to do. I haven’t been into someone for two years, and the idea of doing anything intimate with anyone always left me feeling nauseous. Yet I managed earlier with only a bit of worry. I didn’t freak out or get sick; nothing bad happened. As a matter of fact, I had an amazing time.”

“I just worry about…pushing you too hard.”

“Listen,Imade the choice, alright? You didn’t do that for me; I did it all on my own. And the ability to have that choice? Is beyond amazing to me. It’s another piece of my life that I’m getting back, and it’s largely because of you. So please, don’t worry about me like that.”

“I always worry about you, Hunter. Always have, always will.”

“Well,” I said with a soft laugh. “Don’t let it get in the way of things, okay? I promised I’d tell you if things were going too far, and I did, and you listened. So I think we’re safe.”

That seemed to satisfy him, and he lapsed into thoughtful silence as our plates were taken and our desserts arrived. He had gone for a tropical cheesecake but there was no way in hell I was going to pass up the chance to try out some fancy tiramisu. Even the cheap stuff was an indulgence of mine, and as soon as I took a bite of the one before me, I let out a soft moan of pleasure.

“Good Lord,” I muttered, shoving another forkful into my mouth. “There’s no way yours is anywhere near as good as mine.”

“It’s still pretty good,” he chuckled, watching me devour the dessert. “But clearly, you got the better end of the deal.”

I snorted. “It’s the best.”

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he said with a smirk as the cake finally disappeared.

I let him finish his as well. “If you think I simply ‘enjoyed’ today, you’re rusty at reading me. I’m on cloud nine right now.”

“Good,” he said. “That was the point of tonight. Just the two of us, nothing hanging over us, no demands, just…us.”

When it came time to pay, I played nice and didn’t look at the bill. I watched his face, but it remained impassive as he paid with his card. Lucas and I had always bickered over who would pay, which grew increasingly funnier when we started sharing a bank account. But tonight had been Kai’s idea, and I wouldn’t argue with him now we were pretty much done.

I wondered if maybe somewhere in the universe, Lucas was watching us right now. I wondered what he’d say if he could speak to either of us. We had discussed a few times that if one of us died early, then the other should eventually find it in themselves to start dating again. Of course, we hadn’t expected it to happen or for it to happen so horribly …but we had made that agreement.

I could picture him being happy I was finally coming out of my shell to date again, and he’d probably have a smartass comment or two about taking so long and wasting a perfectly nice body. I could also picture his knowing smirk upon finding out it was Kai I was on a date with. Despite insisting I was not hung up on Kai, here I was on a date with him after having fooled around the first chance I got.

“I can’t tell if that smile is sad or happy,” Kai said.

“A bit of both,” I admitted with a shrug. “Just found myself thinking about…well, things.”

“You were thinking about Lucas.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“You’re allowed to think about Lucas when you’re around me,” he said with a frown. “It’s not like I’m going to get upset because you’re thinking about the man you loved and probablystill love. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s expected, especially when this is the first date you’ve been on in two years.”

“He’d tell me I certainly took my sweet time.”

“He’d probably also give me shit for turning out to, in fact, be into you.”

“Not as much shit as he’d give me for going on a date with you when I swore up and down I wasn’t that hung up on you.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you turned out to be that hung up on me,” he said with a smile that, while sweet, did have a slight bit of smugness. Even as he was treading rough territory, the dreaded dead lover, he still managed to keep his confidence intact.

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