Page 82 of Last Chance Love

“And he’d told me he was worried aboutyou.”

“Me?” Leon asked, brow flying upward. “Why the hell would he be worried about me?”

“Because he could tell you were so worried,” I said with a snort. “I know you thought of him as a little flighty.”

“I mean, he kind of was.”

“No, he wasn’t. He was just more carefree and lighthearted than you. I’ll point out that’s because you did the job you set out to do and gave him the best childhood you could, shielding your brothers from the life you’d had.”

“Sure, whatever.”

Typical. “He was worried you were going to have a hard time while he was going through his first few weeks, like you were going to be waiting for the guillotine to fall at any moment. He wanted to know if I might try to be around and keep you occupied while you were freaking out.”

“I didn’t freak out!”

“Leon, I remember how you had me over a few times when your parents were out, and you were nonstop cleaning. When we were at my house, you constantly cleaned my room, and you even scrubbed my parents' kitchen even though it had been cleaned the day before.”

“Well, your parents had money. They should have been able to afford better cleaners because they missed a lot!”

“And you kept checking that flip phone of yours that was so beat up it was a miracle it still worked. You insisted you were playing Snake.”

“I was!”

“Funny how Snake looked an awful lot like scrolling to see if you had any texts. And then the game sounded a lot like your voicemail that you kept dialing to ensure you didn’t accidentally miss a message.”

He scowled, returning to the box and yanking up his list more forcefully than necessary. “Alright, fine.MaybeI was a little worried and wanted to make sure my little brother was okay. You happy?”

“My point was you were worried, and he wasn’t. You tried to hide that you were worried…just like you’re doing now,” I said, except I didn’t need Ian to tell me. Poor Ian had managed to get all Leon's heart but held onto the brightness and sensitivity. He had his older brother’s intuitive feel for the world and people, but he never suffered through the same crippling self-doubt that was sometimes burned away by a surge of passion or defiance.

I wondered what kind of man he would have been if he hadn’t been taken from the world so soon. I had no doubt he would have taken all the things he learned growing up, as well as the things of himself he had been allowed to keep because of Leon, and done great. Maybe he wouldn’t have gone on to be a world-renowned scientist or a miracle-working surgeon, but he would have been a good man, and it would have shone on the people around him. Hell, maybe with Ian around, Ray would still be a part of Leon’s life and?—

Leon probably obsessed over those thoughts and ‘what ifs’ in his spare time. The least I could do was spare him from them instead of obsessing over them myself.

Leon’s shoulders tightened, and I knew he would either explode or completely lock down if I didn’t stop him before he picked up more steam. It had only been a couple of weeks since we finally decided we wanted something significant from our new reconnection, and we were still feeling the newer versions of each other out. But I had to rely somewhat on my old knowledge of him and hope for the best, and if it didn’t work out, then that meant there was an area of my knowledge of him that needed updating.

I reached for him, allowing my hand to touch his side and gauge his reaction. He didn’t relax but didn’t turn from my touch or tighten up more. I took that as a good sign and slipped closer, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him the last couple of inches. I laid my head against his upper back, forehead pressing between his shoulder blades as I kissed a spot on his back.

“It’s okay to be worried,” I told him softly, feeling his stomach loosen its death grip slightly under my touch. I let my hand rub the flat surface, vaguely aware of my body responding to the intimacy and the sheer…well, I was human. He had a good body, which couldn’t be ignored easily. Yet it was just a quiet, burning flame in the back of my mind as I felt him relax. “You’re here with me. Not with anyone else, not around the people you’re worried will see you.”

“I’m not?—”

“Youare. You’re worried that if they see you have a moment where you let your worry or your concern show, they might doubt whether you can be a good mentor. I don’t agree, but I understand.They’re not here. I am.”

It started in his lower body, but I felt the loosening of his muscles finally creep up to his upper back and shoulders. After about a minute, he reached down and set his hands over mine, giving them a light squeeze. I lay my hand over his chest, unsurprised to find his heart beating harder than it should for a simple inventory check and let him take his moment to sort through things.

“I just,” he began and took a deep breath. “I insisted on having Elliot and Reno go out there, and it’s still technically early in their time as Tier Threes. That’s on top of the issues they already had, just being the two of them. I was so sure of what I was doing, but now that they’re out there, I’m just…not so sure.”

“And you’re allowed not to be sure,” I told him softly.

“Am I?”

“Leon, I know you have it in your head that you can’t show the worry, the concern, the fear, and I get that. To a certain extent, leaders need to ensure they don’t show their vulnerable points too readily. They need to be able to look up to you, which requires a limited amount of…faking things. But again, they’re not here. I am.”

“I know,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I-I don’t want to constantly worry about whether I made the right decision. Itfeltlike the right one until they strolled out of here on horseback. And now I keep wondering if they’re going to end up getting hurt, if being isolated out there for even a few hours is enough to break whatever bond they have because they’re not encased here with everyone else. Hell, what if they get it in their head that making a break for it is a good idea?”

I chuckled, pulling back to turn him around to face me so I could see his expression. He resisted at first, which was expected, but he gave in as I gave him a little tug. His eyes were down toward the floor, but I smiled, waiting for him to meet my eyes.

“Going back to my original story,” I began, waiting until I saw him understand what I was talking about before continuing. “You spent all that time and energy worrying about Ian. What happened? Nothing.”

---