Page 44 of Last Chance Love

I sighed. “Don’t be.”

“See?”

I knew what he was saying. Our lives were splitting in different directions. I couldn’t stay, and he couldn’t leave. We were bound up in a mess of circumstances and choices that separated us. I had played with the idea of choosing to stay with him, trying to build a life together, and I had just…well, I couldn’t do it.

There were things I wanted to do with my life. Yes, one of the biggest was to try to build a life together with him, but it wasn’t the only thing. I wanted to help people, care for people, and improve their lives in significant ways. I couldn’t do that if I stayed, and he had his brothers to think of.

“It’s not like this is forever,” he said, and I wondered if he believed it or if he thought that was the right thing to say right now. “Ian is already talking about college, and he says it sounds like Ray wants to do that eventually too. It’s not the end of the world for us. We still have a chance.”

Neither of us had discussed if long distance was something either of us could put up with for long, but I wasn’t going to bring it up now. Sometimes, it felt like the two of us were just hanging on until the very end, whenever that came. Like there was nothing either of us could do but keep going the same way we were, no matter how much it hurt.

“I know,” I said, pressing tighter into him.

I hoped it wasn’t too late as I shot a thought to the shooting star that had passed overhead to wish that no matter what, we would find our way back to one another again. It was a pitiful, desperate thing that had no effect on anything, but for a moment, it made me feel better to have put that out into the universe, that something might have heard me.

* * *

“Shit, look out!”

“Move, move, move!”

“Fuck!”

Shouts jerked me out of my thoughts, and I whirled just in time to watch the large wall they’d been building suddenly seem a lot bigger…and closer. Leon and I had been walking past it, heading back to the fence line we had been making, and I’d been too lost in my thoughts to realize the danger.

“Reed!” Leon’s panicked cry pierced through my haze of fear, but it was too late, and I didn’t have time to react.

Leon, however, suddenly appeared next to me and shoved me. My feet skittered in the dirt, and then he gave a final heave and I found myself picked up off my feet and tossed backward as Leon displayed a strength I didn’t know he had. Everything spun, and suddenly, I was staring at the ground, blinking away the dust.

Still confused, I grunted in surprise when strong hands gripped me and pulled me up with a yank. Expecting my savior to be there to chew me out for being an airhead, I frowned when I realized it was Reno, holding my arm with the collapsed wall behind him.

I was no expert, but it looked like they hadn’t anchored it properly, and I vaguely wondered why they were starting with one wall instead of doing the whole frame first. Whatever the reason, the thick wood and the metal poles they’d been using were a scattered pile of complete disaster on the ground, with everyone standing around frantically trying to move it off a figure lying face down in the dirt.

Understanding was the sharp, icy jab of fear to the chest. Panic rose like a scream inside me, and utter calm gagged the hysteria before it could find footing.

“Let go of me,” I said, pulling my arm away from Reno and marching forward.

I needed to get Leon.

LEON

“I’m just saying, it’s been weird,” Reed protested, the phone carrying the thinness of his voice that said he was desperate to understand and a little frustrated. “You’ve been so quiet for…ever, actually. But the past six months? It’s been even worse.”

I closed my eyes. “I know, I’ve just been busy.”

Busy planning the funeral of my little brother. Busy dealing with the ache that had taken up residence in my chest and refused to leave.

No, scratch that, it was no ache. An ache didn’t feel like a giant, feral monster with teeth and claws that shredded you from the inside. An ache didn’t leave the hollowness behind when the pain finally decided to pass for a moment, even when you knew it would return soon. An ache didn’t leave you wondering how the fuck you were supposed to make it to the next day with this thing living in your chest, let alone the next week or fuck, a whole month.

I should just say it. Tell him what happened. It wasn’t like he talked to anyone who would have passed the news along. Even if he’d paid attention to the news around here, no one would have mentioned it, and there would have been no news articles about Ian. He was just another statistic, a victim of drunk driving like so many across the country.

“Busy with what?” he asked wearily, and I could hear his patience growing thin. It had been months since we’d done more than text, and I was fighting to keep my voice under control. “I just want you to talk to me.”

I wanted to. I wanted to tell him the truth. He would have dropped everything right then and flown straight to me to help me through this disaster. It wasn’t like I had anyone else. The absolute wastes that were our parents hadn’t bothered to do anything except try to garner pity for the death of a child they hadn’t cared about.

And Ray? God, he sank even deeper into his shell with the loss of our brother. He had never been good at expressing himself, except to Ian, and now that was gone. He had never been close with me, and sometimes I wondered if he blamed me for not pushing Ian to get as far from this stupid fucking city and go to college or work somewhere else.

I know I did.

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