Page 20 of Last Chance Love

It happened so fast.An impulse that flared inside, growing in power that dwarfed what my self-control could manage. And then it happened before I could question it.

Honestly, it was his fault. He had been standing there, covered in a fine layer of sweat that made his face glisten in the sun. Dirt was smeared over his hands and arms, a line on the bottom of his chin when a particularly stubborn weed refused to be pulled without a fight. When it came out, the roots flung back and smacked him in the chin, making me laugh.

Reed wasn’t one to take that sort of thing lying down, though, which was how I ended up with the same dirt-caked weed thrown at me, where it exploded into fine clods of dirt after hitting my forehead. I was covered in speckles of dirt, and he had stood there…laughing. His eyes lit up as he looked at me, smug and happy as he laughed at my sour, shocked expression.

People said teenage boys did stupid stuff all the time, but I didn’t have time. I had siblings to look after and a rundown house needing repairs, but I could barely manage to keep it from falling apart. I had two jobs to keep up with everything, which didn’t even cover trying to keep up with classes.

So no, I wasn’t prone to doing stupid stuff…most of the time. But from the moment, over three years ago, when I saw him pull himself out of his pool to greet me at the gate, I’d known there was a lot more inside me than just friendship toward him. The past three years had been an off-and-on series of torments whenever I caught him grinning that wide grin of his, saw the way his eyes lit up when he was interested in something, and a slip of skin from his stomach when he stretched was enough to make me feel I was going to go feral.

And as he’d stood there, laughing at me, something inside me finally buckled and gave way. Before I could catch myself, like I had done every other time, I stepped into his space and cut off his laughter with the only tool I had at my disposal…a kiss.

It was quick, nervous, and not all that good, but it happened. Even as part of me screamed in panic at the stupid thing I’d just done, I didn’t pull away immediately. I lingered, feeling the harsh breath of surprise from his mouth, the softness of his lips, and the faint salty taste of his sweat. Only after noting every little thing, like a man on death row savoring his final meal, did I finally pull away and prepare myself for the damage I had wrought.

I took the smallest grain of comfort when I saw his expression. It was wide-eyed and slack-jawed, but there was no outrage or anger. Even that wasn’t enough to give me the courage to speak, and I could only step back, my shoulders sagging in shame. After a painful set of heartbeats, his mouth finally closed, and he slowly tilted his head to one side.

Curious, he was curious, not angry. I could still see surprise in the lift of his brow but no anger.

“Sorry,” I muttered finally, unable to bear the silence and the sheer uncertainty of what would happen next. Even if my speaking broke the spell and brought doom upon me and our friendship, it was better than lingering in the hell of not knowing.

“Are you?” he asked, blinking rapidly.

“I…shouldn’t have done that,” I said, resisting the urge to kick at the ground like a little kid caught with his hand in the candy bowl. “It wasn’t…right.”

“According to my parents, no,” he said and surprised me with a rich chuckle. “They’d probably have a few choice words about that.”

Well, that I already knew. His parents were…uncomfortable with the talk about rights and privileges not afforded to gay people in the news. They weren’t fundamentalist crazy religious people, but they definitely had their beliefs, and they were quick to point out that some things shouldn’t be done.

Reed had never seemed bothered by their attitudes but had never recited them. From the moment I realized that not only was I gay, but I was crushing on my best friend, I had been too scared to ask how he felt about it. I’d never seen him date anyone or even show interest, so I didn’t know where his sexuality fell on the spectrum. Again, I had been too scared to bring it up…but apparently not too scared to kiss him suddenly, it seemed.

“Are you…going to tell them about this?” I asked, wincing at the thought. They had always been odd with me, and I had the distinct feeling they didn’t like having me around. I’d told Reed once, and he shrugged as if it didn’t matter to him, but he never said anything outright.

It wasn’t like I was a bad kid or a troublemaker. I didn’t have the free time to get into trouble. But I think, much like their views on gay and lesbian people, they just thought some things shouldn’t happen. And one of those things was having me around.

They weren’t rich, the Martins, but they were still doing well for themselves, and they decorated their lives with shows of wealth, genteelness, and a certain level of refinement. Whereas I was a scrawny teenager who had to buzz his own hair because he couldn’t afford a haircut, and wore worn clothes I bought secondhand. Didn’t help that I came from one of the worst neighborhoods in Austin. I was essentially the opposite of everything they valued and they probably regretted that Reed and I had ever met. Or maybe I was just paranoid, all too aware of how shabby, poor, and classless I was in comparison.

Reed snorted. “Why the hell would I do that? They don’t need to know everything that happens.”

“Right,” I said, again trying not to shuffle my feet nervously.

“You know, this is probably the first time I’ve ever seen you look nervous,” he said with a low chuckle. “I didn’t even know you could show nervousness.”

“I get nervous.”

“Well, yeah, but you always hide it really well.”

“Yeah, well,” I muttered, looking away. “Kind of hard not to be when I do something stupid like that.”

“Was it stupid because you regret it or think you shouldn’t have?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“That kinda feels like something you should know, if you wanna do it or not,” he said, tilting his head again.

If he was trying to irritate me, he was doing a good job, and I glared at him. “Look, I just did it, and I’m sorry, alright? It won’t happen again.”

“What if I want it to happen again?”

If I had been a machine, every cog, wheel, and belt would have ground to a smoking halt. My body went rigid as I was unable to do more than stare with wide eyes.

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