Page 4 of Short Stack 3

“For anhour?”

The two of them collapse into more laughter, and then Dylan gets his phone out and swipes the screen.

“You had better not be showing Jude my backside,” I say.

He bites his lip, attempting to look innocent. “Ofcoursenot.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever, Pinocchio.” I look around. “So, where’s Billy?”

“Oh, he’s not here,” Jude says casually. He turns the phone and examines the picture more closely. “Where are your tan lines, you naughty little strumpet?”

“What do you mean he’s not here?”

“He’s got a cold, so we kept him home.”

“Oh dear,” Dylan says much more sympathetically than he managed for my poor jellyfish-abused bum. “We’ll bring him something back from the gift shop.”

“What will we bring?” I say. “A better excuse for his absence?”

Jude laughs. “He was disappointed, but Asa’s got a new book for him, and he promised they could decorate the Christmas tree.”

“So, we can go home? You surely won’t need us if the child we’re representing isn’t here.”

Jude offers me a smirk. “Oh no. We still need you. You’d mess up the ratio of adults and children if you don’t go.”

“Great,” I say morosely.

He waves a careless hand. “Oh, it won’t be that bad.”

“Really? Compared to what?”

“Armageddon?” He bites his lip.

“Oh,joy.”

I stare down at my group of tiny people. They look back at me, and I have to double-check that they’re actually blinking.

“Okay, are we ready, Team Smiley Salmon?” Dylan says next to me. The small people in his group cheer enthusiastically, and I glance back at mine, who look just as dubious as before. I suppose I can’t blame them. The feeling is entirely mutual.

“Does anyone need the toilet?” I ask, checking the list that the class teacher shoved into my hands five minutes ago. “This is longer thanWar and Peace,” I say to Dylan. “We can’tpossiblyneed this much information.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet, baby. And dense as a brick too,” my beloved says cheerfully. “By the end of the day, you’ll have used every single piece of information.”

“What’s our team’s name?” a small girl asks me.

I check her cheerful-looking name badge, which appears to have sequins. “Do we need to have one, Zoe?”

She nods. “I think so.”

I purse my lips. “Well, okay, but you’ll have to think of one. It’s completely beyond me.”

“Maybe Big Boobies,” she says thoughtfully.

Dylan coughs. “I don’t think that’s appropriate,” he says unhelpfully.

“How about Team Death?” a dark-haired boy with a somewhat disgruntled expression says.

I check his name badge, which appears to be adorned with wonky skulls. “Good idea, Kyle,” I say, glaring at Dylan. Instead of cowing him—which, let’s face it, I gave up on years ago—he just looks like he wants to laugh.

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