Page 27 of Short Stack 3

“I’m going to say goodbye,” he says in the painstaking way of people who are very drunk. “And then we’re going home, where I’m going to fuck you very hard.”

Cadan laughs and walks off to serve someone. I shake my head. “Asa, you old romantic.”

He kisses my head. “That’s me,” he says. “I’ll just say goodbye to Mal.”

I eye him with a smile as he wanders back to Mal, who promptly greets him as enthusiastically as if he’s a beloved friend who he hasn’t seen in years.

I’m still smiling when my phone rings, and I answer it. “Hello?”

“Jude, you unmitigatedwanker,” comes the response.

I blink. “Mother, is that you?”

“You know very well it’s Henry,” my friend says. “You know Henry. The one who’s always looked out for you. The one who sticks up for you when everyone else takes the piss.”

“Erm, that’s not you. You join in with the piss-taking.”

There’s a long pause. “Well, that’s another story,” he says quickly. “Why are you soobsessedwith finicky details, Jude?”

“Is there a point to this conversation?”

“Yes, there is,” he replies darkly. “I’ve just seen your beloved son, and what a wonderful visit it was. One to go down in the annals of history as quite the best visit ever.”

“Do you think you’re wordy because you’re a lawyer, or became a lawyer because you’re wordy?” I ask.

“I’m a lot less wordy now that I’ve been on a twenty-mile route match,” he says testily.

I start to laugh. “There’s no way Billy would walk twenty miles. He asks for a piggyback after two minutes of walking.”

“Yes, well, he obviously knew I couldn’t oblige as I was rather busy avoiding getting cow shit on my Crockett and Jones boots while listening to a very detailed synopsis ofFrozen.”

I snort. “Oh my god, tell me he taught you the song.”

There’s a long pause. “He taught me the song,” he finally says with resignation. I break into peals of laughter. “Don’t ever tell anyone that,” he whispers. “Particularly not Ivo.”

“I’m afraid honesty compels me to say I can’t promise anything.”

He sighs. “I need to get some of this cursed fresh air out of my lungs,” he says, making me laugh harder. My laughter stops when he says silkily, “But I digress from my point in ringing you. Let’s not forget the fact that you told Billy to take me to a cow field twenty miles away.”

“That little grass,” I say with resignation.

“You say grass. I say a small child with twenty pounds in his pocket.”

“YoubribedBilly?”

“Such a harsh word,” he says sadly. “But probably not the harshest words you’ll be uttering by the time I’ve had my revenge.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Don’t think about it too much,” he advises me cheerfully. “Are you having a good time, anyway?”

I eye Asa as he comes towards me. His hair is messy, and his eyes are bleary, but the smile is wide on the face that’s so dear to me.

“Thebest,” I say.

“Ah well, enjoy it now before the revenge of Henry.”

“Can’t wait,” I say cheerfully, smiling as I hang up and walk towards the love of my life. Of course, the love of my life is drunk and going to have a hefty hangover tomorrow, but that’s something to look forward to, I think evilly.

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