Page 108 of Short Stack 3

I tap my chin. “Has it also been said that if you ever laugh or sneer at Mags again, I will take your tongue, twist it around that corkscrew over there, and pin you to the wall with it?” I sit back in my chair. “I’ve seen your art. It’s pedestrian and trite. You need another job.”

“What?”

I smile again. “I think you heard me. Unless you are hard of hearing, as well as being an assistant to the head bully and a rather pathetic human being.”

“You can’t say that to me,” he splutters.

“Really? I thought I just did. Maybe my memory is playing tricks on me.”

His face reddens to a dull, brick red. Cadmium Red, I absently catalogue. “Does Mags know that you’re a complete cunt?”

I roll my eyes. “That was a terrible comeback.” I shrug. “I actually think he sees it as one of my better qualities.”

“I do indeed.”

I jump at the voice and turn to see Mags standing behind me. His face shows its usual wry expression, but his eyes are almost molten with love. I swallow hard, and he holds up the wine.

“Would you like some more?”

“Oh, is that to share?” I make a moue of sadness. “That’s rather mean, Mags. Surely the occasion calls for a bottle each?”

“Ah, Laurie. The occasion calls for a couple of vineyards each, but we must be brave.” He sets the bottle on the table and sits down, looking at Carl enquiringly.

“Weirdos,” Carl opines and scuttles off to the kitchen.

Mags tuts beside me, taking his napkin and arranging it precisely on his lap. Then he takes his fork and stabs a pea, raising it to his mouth. He makes a pleased sound. “Not bad.”

“Has she ever been able to cook?”

“No, it fell to my father.”

“What about when he left?”

“We had a succession of au pairs.”

“Did they leave quickly?”

“Only after she’d slept with them. Close inspection of her vagina tended to send them out of the door as if their lives depended on it.”

I choke on my drink, and his eyes twinkle. I give him a shove, and he chuckles.

“Has it always been like this?” I ask, sobering. “What a shitty environment for a child to grow up in.”

He considers me for long enough to make me shift in my chair, and then I gasp as he grabs my face between his big hands, taking my mouth in a kiss that leaves me hard and wanting. When he pulls away, I gape at him as he sits back in his chair. Then he looks at me and offers me the private smile that only I ever see. It makes him look younger somehow and almost vulnerable.

“Was it always this bad? In the past, maybe, but not anymore, because now I have you with me, Laurie.Min elskede. That makes everything better.”

After we enter the bedroom, I shut the door, turn the lock with a loud and very relieved sigh, and then lean against it for good measure.

Mags’s eyes twinkle. “Are you barring the entry? You look like a valiant knight who is defending my honour.”

“It’s a good job I’m not a knight because I’d have used my mace to ram into my eyes so I couldn’t see your mother taking her top off again.” I shake my head. “I can’tbelieveshe got naked in front of us and then expected us to dance with her.”

“She’s obviously never seen you dance. I’ve seen electrocution victims with more grace.”

“There isn’t enough alcohol in the world to make me do that. Still, at least it energised Carl. Dead people have more verve.”

He crosses to the window to draw the curtains and switch on the lamps. The room is instantly lit with a golden glow. “My mother has always been very proud of her breasts.”

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