Page 60 of Short Stack 3

He shakes his head, and I relax.

“No, Lord Greenwood. It was the monkey.”

I blink. “I beg your pardon?” My words break off as he steps forward and seizes my arm. This is so far beyond our usual decorous working relationship that I’m immediately intrigued. I want to know what’s got him so ruffled. Then his words register. “A monkey, James?”

Has he been on the brandy?I dismiss that incredible thought as something that would never happen.

He nods and starts to pull me towards the stairs, his movements frantic. “Yes, the monkey on the roof.”

I’m about to make him stop and ascertain if he’s hit his head, but then I remember the incident with the tree. “Cosmo,” I say in revelation.

“No, my lord. Amonkey,” he says patiently. “He’s on the roof chucking satsumas at the visitors.”

I open my mouth to question him further, but then we stop dead as a gorilla strolls past us. The fact that it’s a gorilla is enough to make us pause, but the fact that it’s wearing a sun hat and bright pink Crocs might be what makes us stare.

“Ungh,” James breathes.

“Yes,” I whisper. “Icompletelyagree, James.”

The gorilla pauses and raises its hat politely before moving onwards.

“You saw that, didn’t you?” James whispers.

“I did.” From downstairs come shouts and cries of astonishment, and I quicken my steps. “Where is Cosmo?”

James darts along next to me. “He was outside trying to get the monkey to come down.”

“Of course he was.”

We come out at the head of the stairs and stop dead at the sight below us. The hall is full of chaos. Adults are running along, dragging children behind them who are shouting with glee and trying to reach — I blink and rub my eyes —a herd of pink elephants wearing Converse and sparkly blue tiaras.

“What the hell?” I say slowly.

Tugging James along with me, I make my way down the stairs, dodging the tourists who are running everywhere. We press against the wall to avoid getting stepped on as the largestelephant suddenly trumpets loudly. The herd stampede out of the front door, disappearing down the drive.

“Oh, mygoodness,” James stutters, pointing. I follow his gaze and find myself looking at a pile of elephant shit, which is rather disturbingly pink and sparkly.

“No time to worry about that,” I say briskly.

I duck as vines suddenly fall from the ceiling. They’re huge jungle vines with tiny red flowers, and within seconds, some leopards in tutus are swinging on them. I blink as they start to hum what sounds like the chorus of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”. I rub my eyes, but they’re still there when I open them again.

“That isnotallowed in the hall,” James calls and squeaks as a leopard picks him up, twirling him around before setting him gently down on the stairs and swinging away. “Oh my,” James breathes.

I wheel around and race out of the front door. Outside is even more bedlam as the giant chess pieces that are usually in the garden are now dancing on the front lawn to music played by an orchestra of fish. I gape at a cod who is playing the tuba.

Dragging myself away from the sight, I push through the crowd, pausing as an older man catches my arm. “What is happening here?” he shouts.

I grimace. “Can I justwholeheartedlyapologise?”

“I haven’t had this much fun in years,” he exclaims.

“Oh, in that case, you’re very welcome.”

He’s seized by the red queen and dances away in a waltz, his face happy. “We’ll come back every year,” he calls back. “It’s a five-star review on TripAdvisor for you, Lord Greenwood.”

I pause and look around. What I’d initially taken as screams of panic are actually excitement and happiness. People’s smiles are broad, and their merry shouts are loud on the cold air.

“Monkey, I must insist that you come down.”

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