Page 50 of Short Stack 3

I grimace at the thought of the perky tour leader who handles the Thomas Hardy part of our literary tours. “That’s because she smiles them into submission.”

“It’s not a crime to be nice.”

“Darcy, being with her is like watchingThe Sound of Musicon fast play.”

“Not something that caneverbe said about you.”

We set the man called Brian down on the floor and lean against the wall, gasping for breath while eyeing him warily. He’s one half of a couple who signed on for our tour. Unfortunately, they had a massive row in the bar this evening, and she stormed out. Brian stayed and decided to drink the bar dry.

I scratch my nose. “I wonder if his wife will come back.”

“Hopefully. I haven’t seen anything in the company handbook that discusses dealing with a divorce in real time on the bus. Barbara seems to stick mainly to meal complaints and on-board toilet regulations.” I lean into him, feeling his arm around me, and snuggle closer. He drops a kiss on my nose. “There’s no one else with whom I’d rather carry a drunk man, Fred.”

I sniff. “You say the nicest things.” He opens his mouth to say something and then stops, and I look closer at him, concern stirring. It isn’t the first time he’s done this today. I know Darcy very well, and it’s clear that he’s got something on his mind. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

His voice is a little high, and I rub his hip comfortingly. “Tell me. I know something’s up. You’ve been a bit weird all night.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“When Dora Watson asked you to pass the mustard at dinner, you said you thought it might rain tomorrow.”

He rolls his eyes. “That was a simple mistake.”

“If you say so.”

We both jump as Brian suddenly sits bolt upright. “What’s the matter?” he slurs.

“JesusChrist. Do you mean the heart attack you just gave me?” I say with my hand to my chest, but it’s into dead air as Brian sinks back onto the carpet and starts to snore.

Darcy laughs, and I elbow him. “Shut up.”

We both stare down at Brian. “Ready to go again?” Darcy asks.

I snort. “I’ve heard those words from you many times, but they’re usually inmuchbetter circumstances.”

He shakes his head. “Why are we doing this again?”

“Because he was about to get kicked out of the hotel and would probably have given us a low mark on TripAdvisor. And our passengers rely on us to set the right tone.”

“It’s as if we became Jiminy Cricket rather than tour guides. I’d have left him downstairs.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You’re far too kind.”

“Which brings me to the puzzle over whyyou’redoing this.”

I put a hand on my chest. “You wound me, sir.”

He smiles at me affectionately. “You’re role-playingPride and Prejudicein your head right now, aren’t you?”

I wink at him. “Don’t stop me doing that. It’s worked in your favour before.”

He drops a kiss on my mouth, and I lean into him, feeling the heat and strength of his body. I open my mouth, letting our tongues tangle. His hands come up to cradle my head so I don’t bang it against the wall when he pushes me into it. I groan, feeling him against me. He’s so right for me — we’re the perfect fit. I love himsomuch.

“So, when you said you’d take the drunk to his room, was it a euphemism for public indecency?”

We both jump and turn to find Milly standing in the corridor with her hands on her hips. I look her up and down and can’t help but snort with laughter.

---