Page 94 of Sumanika

“You don’t have to say it,” he muttered. I closed my eyes, and my voice trembled.

“He held my hand and… pushed me against the wall, lifting my skirt,” I burst into tears.“Then, he bent me forward and took me from behind. My cheek was bruised against the wall. I… I went numb, and when he finished, I fell to my knees, half fainting,”

“Suman,” he muttered, kissing my forehead. Tears fell from my eyes continuously as I spoke in my hoarse voice.

“But I had to finish kneading the dough, watch over the boiling milk, finish cooking the vegetables, and make chapatis for his family,”

My heart ached immensely, and I clenched my fist tightly on his chest.

"Why did you not meet me before?"

I broke into a flood of tears and lifted my eyes to look at him.

“I swear, if it had been you, I would have hugged the flames with a smile on my face,”

He cupped my cheek and shook his head, inhaling deeply.“Never, for me or anyone; life is never worth giving up,” he muttered, kissing my forehead and cheek before hugging me tightly. My face nestled into his neck, and I felt more at ease in his arms.

The tears ceased as he gently caressed my back. My hair fell to one side, which he prevented from falling back further.“You undid my braid,” I said with a slow chuckle and a tear, and he shook his head.

“Um, I’m really sorry, I was just combing your hair,” his slow voice made me look at him, and I gulped silently. He smiled weakly at me and added,“I promise I will never ask you to do anything for me after we make love. You can rest,” He chuckled, and I instantly erupted with soft laughter, playfully slapping his chest.

“That wasn’t the moral of the story,” I said, and he furrowed his brow.“It wasn’t?”

I shook my head with laughter.“No, it was not. “ My smile now hurt, so I closed my eyes and pressed my cheek against his chest. He silently brushed my hair, caressed my head, and spoke slowly.

"Suman,"

"Hn?" I asked, feeling his other hand caressing my jaw.

"Can I tell you something, and you won't judge me?" he asked as I opened my eyes to look at him.

"Never," I replied. He sucked on his lips slightly before I continued,

"Umm, I know we have choices in life, but we have shortcuts for everything." His words created thin lines on my forehead, evidence of my confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He closed his eyes for a moment, shifted slightly, pushed me off his chest, and said, "Um, I can't tell you like that."

I sat up, listening to him, and looked at him as he turned his face away from me, put his feet on the floor, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You don't have to tell me about your life. It's not my place to know, and your comfort is paramount. If something is hurting you, you don’t have to share it," I tried to say as I knelt silently behind him. He shook his head. His soft curls looked mesmerisingly beautiful that late at night as he said,

"I want to tell you. I mean, you know you can leave me after this, reject me. There's no foundation. I’m sure that man, or any man, would be a thousand times better than me. Also, I’ll keep an eye on him so he’ll never hurt you, but you must know this is your choice. I know you've never been given an option before, but I want to offer you one. I want you to decide for yourself. You’re not sixteen anymore. You're older, much more intelligent, and more mature than before. You know people now. All of this is... maybe a pull or attraction; I'm not sure yet. But I believe you deserve much more than this. I'm not the man you think I am, and I'm not. I’m not like my brothers, who saved themselves for their wives. I'm not an ideal husband. I prioritize the Kingdom above anyone else. I can kill without thinking twice, blood doesn’t frighten me, fire doesn’t scare me. I could die for our Kingdom without a second thought, Suman," he said. I felt a lump in my throat, unable to respond. My fingers felt slightly colder as I listened to him, and I didn’t know what to say.

"I've done things that are unethical," he muttered slowly, and I lowered my gaze.

“I have done things a woman wouldn’t want in her husband. That’s why I am saying, I am saying that you can leave if you want. I mean, that man is great, and… he will keep you happy.” His words stumbled, and his voice became hoarse. I couldn’t help but shift closer to him and hug him from behind. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, and I pressed my head against his neck.

"I don’t want to marry him. Don’t I have any say in who I choose to marry or not if I have a choice?” I managed to say, and he touched my arm silently.

“Suman,” he breathed, falling silent for a few moments.

“I was just fifteen,” his voice broke slightly, the tremor evident. I shut my eyes. Nothing could touch me.

“Um, Rudra Bhaisa was twenty-two and practicing celibacy at that time, while Ranvijay Bhaisa was our Guruji’s favorite student. He had appointed him as his assistant to teach other students as well. I always felt like a lost cause; I was intelligent but mostly distracted. Until then, I had been living with both of them, but Rudra Bhaisa then went to Suryagarh to work as the personal guard for the former King, who was our uncle, the elder brother of our father, while Ranvijay Bhaisa stayed with Guruji.” He paused slightly, and I noticed him scratching his fingers.

“We were out of the money that our Maasi-maa earned for us, and at that time, I had just finished my fencing and war training. Like the basics, the advanced training provides actual war experience. Then, I began working as a soldier in one of the kingdoms. Since I was just fifteen, I was assigned to serve under the married princess of this kingdom. She was in her thirties—neither very young nor too old—and had two children; I didn’t know them and never had the chance to. You know, while standing outside her chamber, I learned about the activities in the bedroom. However, they mainly involved fighting, yelling, and something else happening between them.” He paused, and I opened my eyes and remained still, listening to him silently.

“You slept with that married princess?” I asked slowly, and he took a deep breath.

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