Page 44 of Sumanika

I took the plate with the last bowl and left her chamber. On the way, I saw Ranaji talking with the physician and tried to speak.“Ranaji, Ranisa is asking for you,” I informed him, and he smiled. Of course.”

I walked past him when he stopped me.“Suman.”

I turned to face him.“Ji, Ranaji,” I asked. He removed one of the expensive jewels from around his neck and extended his hand toward me.“This is for you,” he said, and I felt a slight shiver run down my spine. Something struck me hard.

Sweat pooled in my palm as I cautiously extended my hand and watched him place the necklace into it.

It felt heavy.

But the reality felt heavier.

For the past few days, I saw myself as more than a maid.

“You took great care of Nandani,” he said. I bit my lower lip, suddenly at a loss for words, and replied,“It’s my job and responsibility.” My voice came out shaky, and he continued,“Also, if you see Agastya, please tell him to let me know before he leaves for anywhere.” I nodded slowly and turned to walk away.

My pace slowed, and my mind felt tense with all the memories and thoughts of the last four years. I was a maid, just a maid. Why had I acted like something more for the previous few days?

I entered Kunwar Agastya’s chamber and attempted to call out,“Kunwar Agastya!”

I waited and heard from the other side,“Come in.”

I took a few steps into the chamber and saw him sitting on his couch in his bedroom, holding rolled letters in his hand with an inkpot beside him. The lamp illuminated his surroundings, although the room’s corners remained dim.

Kneeling, I placed the plate in front of him.

“Did you taste it?” he asked, and I shook my head absentmindedly. My fingers clutched on the beady garland.

“It’s only for royals,” I said. He dipped his finger and sucked the tip, then shook his head.“You forgot to add sugar,” he said.

It wasn’t possible. I shook my head in disbelief.“No, I didn’t,” I countered.

He dipped his finger again and looked at me, pushing his finger closer.“Know yourself,” he offered, and I didn’t know what came to mind. Without a second thought, I tasted it off his finger, and my eyes widened as I realized what I had just done.

What?

“Umm, I’m really… sorry.” I stuttered.

He narrowed his brows with a faint smile.“Ah, Royal, huh?” he teased, and I immediately stood up. I shouldn’t be here. Turning on my heels, I ran away.

"Ayee, Suno.”“Ayee, listen.” I heard his faded voice, but I dashed back to my room and closed the door behind me.

I sat on the floor, pulling my knees closer to my chest. As I leaned my face into my knees, I allowed the emotions and memories to flow freely through my mind.

When I married my husband at sixteen, I was a young girl, unaware of what to expect from him. Yet, in the back of my mind, I held an image of him as cheerful, loving, and supportive—someone who would take an interest in nurturing my desire for knowledge. However, day after day, as my clothes were torn from my body, my dreams began to leave my soul.

After three days, I realized that if I lay on my back with my skirt lifted to my waist and my legs apart, the pain would be less. The pain that Nandani always described as pleasure, which I could never relate to. He would come, lie on top of me with his face in the crook of my neck, and start doing what all husbands are supposed to do.

He often told me that, as a wife, keep your husband happy.

And it went on.

Days turned into weeks, and my body got used to it while my expectations faded. I had never been told that I was beautiful, smart, or worth something.

And today, as I held Princess in my hand, a thought crossed my mind: if a girl is to enter this life, she must choose her parents wisely.

Sometimes, he would yell at me. He’d ask me to make sounds for him and at least smile or react to reassure him he was doing well.

However, he was unaware that if a soul is wounded, you cannot fake it.

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