Page 29 of Dirty Grovel

I bristle. “What do you see?”

“You’re not worried about the kid, are you? You’re worried about yourself.”

She’s not wrong, but still, I find myself denying it. “I just don’t want to be under his control forever.”

“Then don’t let yourself be,” Sydney says. “You have power here, too, Sut. He’s the one who enjoys a contract, doesn’t he? Well then, set one up. Include every single thing you want and expect out of your little arrangement. Secure yourself and your child’s future. Make sure he knows where you stand.”

“What if he refuses to agree to my terms?”

Sydney snorts. “Hello? You’re carrying his child, Sutton. You’re the one with the bargaining power here. Don’t sell yourself short.”

I sniff back my tears. “Thanks, Syd. I have a lot to think about.”

“Just don’t think about it too hard, kiddo,” she stresses. “Otherwise, you’ll talk yourself right out of a good deal.”

“That’s just it: I wanted a happy family, a happy life. Not a ‘good deal.’”

Sydney’s face falls. Her eyes go misty, the way they do every time she thinks about our childhood, our mother.

“Sometimes, a good deal is all you can get out of life,” she murmurs. “And if I had to choose, I would choose financial stability every time.”

“What if… I want more?” I ask timidly.

Sydney squints at me. “Do you want more, period? Or do you want more with Oleg?”

The words are lodged in my throat. The honest answer isyes, yes, I do want more with Oleg.

But admitting that is like admitting to myself that a happy ending is not possible for me.

It would be like admitting that, at the end of the day, I’m no different than my mother.

“I don’t know what I want right now. Other than for my child to be safe, happy, and healthy.”

“If that’s what you want, then you have your answer,” Sydney says.

“Do I?”

She nods. “Pin Oleg down on the specifics of the contract. Make sure you’re provided for; make sure the baby is provided for. If he agrees to your terms, sign the damn contract. Sign whatever you need to secure your kid’s future.”

“Meaning Oleg Pavlov is the only way my child can have a stable future?”

Sydney sighs, a sad smile dancing across her ruby red lips. “Well, hon, it ain’t gonna be with us.”

10

SUTTON

“Look, Sut-Sut!” Teo cries, waving his hand in the air. “I found another one.” He races up to me, opening his palm to reveal a beautiful blue stone with flecks of orange hidden amongst the browns.

“Beautiful, Teo!” I tell him. “That definitely goes into the collection.”

He hands it over and runs off ahead of me again. I tuck the stone into my jeans pocket, where a handful of other specimens he’s collected are weighing me down.

“How long have you two been out here?” Jesse asks, turning the corner.

“About an hour. Our goal is to get to a hundred colored stones. So far, we’ve got twelve.”

Jesse shakes her head, a soft smile lighting up her face as she looks at her son. “You really have a way with him.”

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